To a Friend from My Hometown

[angliholic]

Poem 1

To a Friend from My Hometown

My friend, since you're from my hometown
You should know the things going on there.
The day when you left, had the winter plum
By the latticed window started blooming yet?


Hi,

The English rendition above was made possible from a Chinese classic poem that I've always loved.
How do you feel after reading it?
Feel free to comment or criticize!





Poem 2

Sending a Letter North on a Rainy Night


You asked me when I could return;
Your guess was as good as mine.

Tonight, it's pelting down at Mt. Bashan,
And the pond is overflowing with autumn rain.

When will we be able to sit beside the west window
And chat about this rainy night at Mt. Bashan?


Hi,

The above is also a Chinese classic poem I enjoy very much, so I translated it into English.
Feel free to give me comment and advice.
And don't forget to tell me how you feel after reading it!





Poem 3

Answering a Question from a Guest


You ask me why I'd love to live in the lush mountain;

I smile rather than reply since my heart is free of care.

Peach flowers float on water flowing down the stream,

A haven far away from the hustle and bustle of city life.



HI,
After reading the English rendtion in the above, don't forget to give me advice and feedback. Thanks.




Poem 4

To My Sister Golden Hair

Early is the morninng;
So gorgeous is your golden hair
Blowing gracefully in the wind.

Jealous is the feeling
Sunshine caressing your chubby face
With beads of dew still clinging on.

Inviting are the pure white teeth;
So succulent the cherry lips,
Popping up is the word mellow.


Dragging you by the golden hair
Into the gloomy woods,
It is the villain gusty wind.


Hi,

The above scribble is how I feel about a corn plant in the fresh early morning. The main purpose is to horn my writing skill a bit.
Please feel free to rectify and comment.
Thanks.

[breathtest]

This is really really nice. Beautiful. I like the way it can be split into two separate pieces (the first two lines and the second two lines) and how these, separated, compliment each other, the second two lines being an answer to the question in the first line.

[Hawkman]

Hi

All the poems you have posted today are excellent. Even before I read your notes I could tell they were oriental, though I was unsure whether Chinese or Japanese. However, this section of the forum is for personal poetry. I wonder if it would not be better to post them in a poetry discussion thread as you do not claim authorship. You have translated them but you do not tell us who wrote them, or even when they were written. I see that you seem to be new to the forum, so I would also request that you take a look at the forum rules, which state that if you are going to make multiple posts in one day, you do so in a single thread. This is so that people's work does not get knocked down the strand by one individual.

Regardless of the above, welcome to the forum and i would look forward to reading your origional work. Best, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Whatever the original was, this is lovely in English. So clean and vivid.

[Hawkman]

Well I see the moderators have done a little housekeeping :)

I would love to know who wrote the 'classic poems'. The translations are excellent in that they convey a sense of place, and emotion very well. They are quite hauntingly beautiful in fact.

The last one, 'To my sister golden hair' which I see is your origional work, has considerable charm.

"To My Sister('s) Golden Hair

Early is the morninng;
So gorgeous is your golden hair
Blowing gracefully in the wind.

Jealous is the feeling
Sunshine caressing your chubby face
With beads of dews* still clinging on.

Inviting are the pure white teeth;
So succulent the cherry lips,
Popping up is the word mellow.

Dragging you by the golden hair
Into the gloomy woods,
It is the villain gusty wind."

* should be dew

Thanks for posting these. H

[angliholic]

This is really really nice. Beautiful. I like the way it can be split into two separate pieces (the first two lines and the second two lines) and how these, separated, compliment each other, the second two lines being an answer to the question in the first line.

Thanks, breathtest, for the kind word.

Because all of the four poems were put into one thread, I just don't know which one you were talking about?
Care to shed more light?


Hi

All the poems you have posted today are excellent. Even before I read your notes I could tell they were oriental, though I was unsure whether Chinese or Japanese. However, this section of the forum is for personal poetry. I wonder if it would not be better to post them in a poetry discussion thread as you do not claim authorship. You have translated them but you do not tell us who wrote them, or even when they were written. I see that you seem to be new to the forum, so I would also request that you take a look at the forum rules, which state that if you are going to make multiple posts in one day, you do so in a single thread. This is so that people's work does not get knocked down the strand by one individual.

Regardless of the above, welcome to the forum and i would look forward to reading your origional work. Best, H

Thanks, Hawkman, for taking the trouble to rearrange all of these four poems.

And sorry to break the rule!

Are there errors or somthing unidiomatic in the English renditions?

You said that they are excellent, but in what ways or in what respects?

I'd like to have some feedbacks from you.


Whatever the original was, this is lovely in English. So clean and vivid.


Thanks, Prince, for the encouraging words.

But which poem were you referring to?


Well I see the moderators have done a little housekeeping :)

I would love to know who wrote the 'classic poems'. The translations are excellent in that they convey a sense of place, and emotion very well. They are quite hauntingly beautiful in fact.

The last one, 'To my sister golden hair' which I see is your origional work, has considerable charm.

"To My Sister('s) Golden Hair

Early is the morninng;
So gorgeous is your golden hair
Blowing gracefully in the wind.

Jealous is the feeling
Sunshine caressing your chubby face
With beads of dews* still clinging on.

Inviting are the pure white teeth;
So succulent the cherry lips,
Popping up is the word mellow.

Dragging you by the golden hair
Into the gloomy woods,
It is the villain gusty wind."

* should be dew

Thanks for posting these. H

Thanks, Hawkman, for the nice words.

In fact, the first three poems were fathered by three different Chinese poets in different dynasty. Maybe it's a good idea to talk about one at one thread. How about let's start with the first poem?

As for the last one, thank you for pointing out my errors.
Is it better to reword the title as "To Sister Golden Hair?"

As a side note, you took the comments right out of my mouth. They are hauntingly beautiful, and that's why I'd like to introduce them to you!

[Hawkman]

Thanks, Hawkman, for taking the trouble to rearrange all of these four poems.

And sorry to break the rule!

Are there errors or somthing unidiomatic in the English renditions?

You said that they are excellent, but in what ways or in what respects?

I'd like to have some feedbacks from you.

Rest assured, the rearrangement is not at my hand or instigation. I am not a moderator. As for breaking the rule, well I think just about everyone has at some time, but it is better to confine multiple posts to one thread.

Sorry I see you've edited your post while I was replying. It should read: To my Sister's Golden Hair or My Sister's Golden Hair, the 'To' is up to you :)

Honestly I can find no significant flaws in your translations vis use of English:

"To a Friend from My Hometown

My friend, since you're from my hometown
You should know things going on there.
The day when you left, did the winter plum
By the latticed window start blooming?"

As I have no frame of reference with regard the origional poem I can't comment on how accurately you have conveyed the poet's intent. With this one I became a little confused when I really looked at it.

The sense of the poem is that the recipient is away from the hometown. In this case I would expect to read, "...(the) things going on here. but that is being a bit picky and doesn't really detract from the poem. 'there' still works.

the tense of the final lines is a little odd though

"The day when you left, did the winter plum
By the latticed window start blooming?"

might be more proper in English as:

the day you left, had the winter plum
by the latticed window started blooming?

Which I think makes a little more sense in context.

The other two are quite flawless as far as I can see, and as I said, quite beautiful. So thanks for introducing me to them. Please tell me who they are by and when they were written and are their works available to read in in any quantity in English translation?

Best, H

[angliholic]

It should read: To my Sister's Golden Hair or My Sister's Golden Hair, the 'To' is up to you :)

Thanks, Hawkman.
But what I want is to personify the corn plant, so is it all right to write "To Sister Golden Hair?"

Honestly I can find no significant flaws in your translations vis use of English:

Is vis a typo?

"To a Friend from My Hometown

My friend, since you're from my hometown
You should know things going on there.
The day when you left, did the winter plum
By the latticed window start blooming?"

As I have no frame of reference with regard the origional poem I can't comment on how accurately you have conveyed the poet's intent. With this one I became a little confused when I really looked at it.

The sense of the poem is that the recipient is away from the hometown. In this case I would expect to read, "...(the) things going on here. but that is being a bit picky and doesn't really detract from the poem. 'there' still works.
Concurred! I thought about "the things" for a while when I was translating.
the tense of the final lines is a little odd though

"The day when you left, did the winter plum
By the latticed window start blooming?"

might be more proper in English as:

the day you left, had the winter plum
by the latticed window started blooming?
Which I think makes a little more sense in context.

I couldn't agree with you more on this.

The other two are quite flawless as far as I can see, and as I said, quite beautiful. So thanks for introducing me to them. Please tell me who they are by and when they were written and are their works available to read in in any quantity in English translation?

I'll inform you as soon as I sort them out.

Best, H

Thanks, Hawkman.

[Hawkman]

with reference to your poem's title: yes I see what you mean. I think in that context you can call it 'My Sister Golden Hair.' Anyway, it's your poem and you can call it what you like :)

vis is not a typo. As you are probably aware, English is a mongrel language and steals words and phrases form many others. Vis is short for vis-a-vis, which is French, (from the Latin, visius, meaning look) In this context it should be read as, 'with regard to'. Sorry for confusing you, I'll take more care in future. :)

Again, thank you for introducing me to these poems, including your own, and I look forward learning more about them.

Best, H

[breathtest]

Because all of the four poems were put into one thread, I just don't know which one you were talking about?


sorry, i was talking about poem three.

[angliholic]

vis is not a typo. As you are probably aware, English is a mongrel language and steals words and phrases form many others. Vis is short for vis-a-vis, which is French, (from the Latin, visius, meaning look) In this context it should be read as, 'with regard to'. Sorry for confusing you, I'll take more care in future. :)

Interesting! I'm learning here and there every second. Don't say sorry because I've learned a new word. Keep them coming!
Again, thank you for introducing me to these poems, including your own, and I look forward learning more about them.

Best, H

Thanks, Hawkman.
I will do my best to introduce you to as many Chinese classic poems as possible.


sorry, i was talking about poem three.

Roger, breathtest.

Would you like to give me more feedbacks about the poem?

[Pensive]

Even after having been translated into English they seem to possess some charm. :)

[JBI]

Do you mind posting the originals by any chance?

[angliholic]

Even after having been translated into English they seem to possess some charm. :)

Thanks, Pensive, for gracing this thread and your nice words.

Could you be more specific about the charm of each poem?

[angliholic]

I would love to know who wrote the 'classic poems'. The translations are excellent in that they convey a sense of place, and emotion very well. They are quite hauntingly beautiful in fact.

H

Hi, Hawkman.

The Chinese version of the first poem is 君自故鄉來，應知故鄉事。來日綺窗前，寒梅著花未, by 王維. And the title is 雜詩.

Here is the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wang_Wei_(8th_century_poet)

Good luck and enjoy it.

Got to go now.

Best regards,

[Hawkman]

Very many thanks,

Live and be well, H