Mousse au Chocolat

[Bar22do]

Ah the mousse that
in the mouth
deliciously defrosts
chocolate chocolate
lightly slides beneath
the taste zone
melts into memory
warm so warm
of this summer meal
me sunk deep into
your settee
delightfully blue
like the day
meanwhile in repose
under the night duvet.

[Delta40]

That is wonderful Bar. You provide several powerful images related to the delicacy of mousse like you might feel about the sensual touch of a lover!

[Bar22do]

Thank you Delta! Glad you enjoyed it! Best - Bar

[Hawkman]

Oh lucky mousse
that for your pleasure
willingly gave up its life,
expiring at the touch of your lips,
just to become
a sweet, indulgent kiss -
a memory of summer.
Happy the settee
that cradled you
in its sky-blue arms
supporting you
as you ate the mousse
that died for love.
Blessed the duvet
that caressed you as you lay
upon your bed;
while envious,
the moon and stars
kept vigil up above.

Oh happy Day :D

[blank|verse]

Steady on, Hawkman, old chap!

Very much a 'girl's poem' this one Bar! (If you'll excuse the casual sexism.)

It's very sensual and works well; I think you're right to go for the 'one long sentence' approach, it seems fitting, but it does leave a couple of bumpy moments. I wasn't keen on 'me sunk deep' line; and I got a bit confused at the end with the references both to day and night.

But I think they're small issues in what's a delicious little piece.

[Bar22do]

Ah, unrelenting Hawk...! though I kind of expected this one (not really a premonition)! Be well, o poet. :smile5:

B/V, I try to see how is it "girl's poem" and probably know what you mean... but after all, one can't help, the author is a female!
The settee is blue like the day(sky) that for now still rests under the cover of the night... was that not clear?
The "ee" sound led me in this poem, but I'll rethink the "me sunk deep", and will see if I can find better.

I wrote this piece straight after the actual experience... and am glad you found it to your taste!

Thanks for stopping by! Best to you both - Bar

[Hawkman]

I'm not sure why you chose not to punctuate the poem but by doing so, altering one line break and adding the word of before the offending 'me' it ceases to be a problem.

"Ah the mousse that
in the mouth
deliciously defrosts:
chocolate, chocolate,
lightly slides beneath
the taste zone,
melts into memory
warm, so warm,
of this summer meal,
of me sunk deep
into your settee,
delightfully blue,
like the day
meanwhile in repose,
under the night duvet."

It's a good poem, Bar.

H

[Bar22do]

You're my mind, hawk, thanks for the suggestion (your re-lining is much better! I'm not sure about the closeness of two "of" and it slightly changes the meaning and the flow, but it's not that important.
I don't have an explanation why I felt I didn't need punctuation for this trifle piece :ihih:, perhaps because I wanted it to be free completely... Thanks for your help, my handyman! Bar

[blank|verse]

Yeah, I think Hawk's on to something with his suggestion - it's the placing of 'me' at the start of the line that forces it to take more stress than it can comfortably handle, giving it a 'me Tarzan' feel (if you'll excuse the crude comparison). But then there are the two 'of's... I'd suggest something myself if I was any good at this poetry lark.

As for the 'day' mention - I get it, but found it a bit distracting when reading it the first time, and wondered if another comparison could be drawn.

And as for it being a 'girl's poem' - well, it is about chocolate! As in touch with our feminine sides as us poetic chaps like to think ourselves, I don't think any of us would have come up the line 'chocolate chocolate'! (Cue comedy poem from Hawkman about said comestible....)

[Hawkman]

Yes, I agree the two 'of's do seem to be a little odd but my idea was to tie them into 'the memory' line so that it would read as a memory of the summer meal and of being sunk into the settee. Perhaps putting 'warm so warm' in parenthesis would help here. But I really didn't want to mess with the poem's basic structure too much.

[qimissung]

What a fun little chocolate fudgesicle for the summer!

[Bar22do]

Dear qim, thanks a lot, I'm happy you enjoyed it!

b/v and hawk, my midsummer-night's-offspring(offsummer? ;))'s-good-doctors: thanks again for your joint consultation!

I still don't know what to do with this Tarzan "me", especially because I confess my ESL-ear liked it in the context (me "stone" sunk in the settee). I'll tell you if I find a solution...

"warm so warm" (warm memory, warm summer...) echoed "chocolate chocolate" (initially "cacao cacao" just for the sound play/enjoyment), the last having occupied L4 without asking permission.

The "day" mention had to do with the remarkable, enrapturing blue of the Jerusalem sky (here paradoxically called "the Warsaw sky"!) that always makes it up for the heat...

So be it the girl's poem and anyway the mousse's now only a part of very warm past momentum!

Be very well and - now to your achievements...

Bar

[hack]

Bar,
This is sweet. If it is a "girl's poem"
perhaps it is because the chocolate
did not end up ON the settee.
...peace...

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Bar
to add to the rabble, my thought whilst reading this (apart from of course enjoying your verse) was to realise you were female. Had never known previously but anybody who squeezes 'chocolate' twice into a line that is two words long is most definitely of the fairer sex :)
cheers
JB

[Bar22do]

hack, you ARE such a perfect gentleman ;). Thanks a lot for your comment!

Jerrybaldy, just as you say, but don't tell anybody, please! :blush: Thanks for your good words!!

Bar, of the fairer sex
(sounds almost like Ann of Green Gables!)

[Jerrybaldy]

Bar, of the fairer sex
(sounds almost like Ann of Green Gables!)[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Blimey. a reference to Ann of green gables, thought I was the only person on earth who remembered it ;)

[Bar22do]

Bar, of the fairer sex
(sounds almost like Ann of Green Gables!)[/COLOR]

Blimey. a reference to Ann of green gables, thought I was the only person on earth who remembered it ;)[/QUOTE]
Not at all! I'm at least the other one...! I used to know it all BY HEART! (another one I could quote from memory was Bulerbeen Children, though I was even younger then and whatever I read was instantly stored in memory...) -
Glad you approve of Ann of Green Gables!!!!!
Bar

[Bar22do]

Bar, of the fairer sex
(sounds almost like Ann of Green Gables!)[/COLOR]

Blimey. a reference to Ann of green gables, thought I was the only person on earth who remembered it ;)[/QUOTE]

and so, you too must be of the fairer sex.... or am I being a sexist... but I honestly know not of any boys who read the book... my humblest apologies to all the boys who happened to read/enjoy it and I couldn't know of them... Bar

[Haunted]

The short lines allow the reader to savor it slowly. I enjoyed every mouthful of it. Thanks!

[Bar22do]

Thanks Haunted, I myself savoured the mousse slowly and enjoyed every mouthful of it!

Best wishes - Bar

[Jerrybaldy]

Bad guess Bar. Although I agree if I had read the book, I would be. But I used to have to sit through the tv series on dreary Sunday afternoons in the early 70s.

[Bar22do]

Bad guess Bar. Although I agree if I had read the book, I would be. But I used to have to sit through the tv series on dreary Sunday afternoons in the early 70s.

Yeah, I suppose, sincere apologies! :blush: but I'm glad you remember Ann. Best - Bar

[AuntShecky]

The theme behind this one is "sensuous" rather than"sensual," but what this piece attempts to do, methinks, is to examine images in minute detail. All I could think of is that poem by William Carlos Williams about the dish of plums* in the icebox, as well as WCW's reminder: "No ideas but in things," -- a dictum we would-be poets ought to remember when we find ourselves mired in incomprehensible abstractions.

"Duvet" gave me pause, though I guessed correctly what it was as the context was quite clear. As usual with Bar's poems, I went to the dictionary. "Duvet" wasn't listed but
"duvetyne," (alt. spelling "duvetyn") was: it's a "soft textile with a short velvety nap, usually made of cotton with a spun-silk filling." I assume the American counterpart would be what we call a "comforter," an item which many of us had little use for in this blazingly hot summer, except when the AC system is on too high.

The posters mentioning Anne of Green Gables made quite an apt comparison, for the descriptions of the landscape and seascapes in that book and its lovely sequels, like this poem, are full of brilliant details. (They make the reader want to apply for a passport and head to P.E.I.)

Thanks for posting this short but vivid verse, Bar.


*Leave it to yours fooly to get one of the "details" wrong. I said "apricots," originally, but hope I caught this in time!

[Bar22do]

The theme behind this one is "sensuous" rather than"sensual," but what this piece attempts to do, methinks, is to examine images in minute detail. All I could think of is that poem by William Carlos Williams about the dish of plums* in the icebox, as well as WCW's reminder: "No ideas but in things," -- a dictum we would-be poets ought to remember when we find ourselves mired in incomprehensible abstractions.

"Duvet" gave me pause, though I guessed correctly what it was as the context was quite clear. As usual with Bar's poems, I went to the dictionary. "Duvet" wasn't listed but
"duvetyne," (alt. spelling "duvetyn") was: it's a "soft textile with a short velvety nap, usually made of cotton with a spun-silk filling." I assume the American counterpart would be what we call a "comforter," an item which many of us had little use for in this blazingly hot summer, except when the AC system is on too high.

The posters mentioning Anne of Green Gables made quite an apt comparison, for the descriptions of the landscape and seascapes in that book and its lovely sequels, like this poem, are full of brilliant details. (They make the reader want to apply for a passport and head to P.E.I.)

Thanks for posting this short but vivid verse, Bar.


*Leave it to yours fooly to get one of the "details" wrong. I said "apricots," originally, but hope I caught this in time!

AuntShy! Your detailed comment, as always, fuels my courage to write...

"Duvet" is a soft, light quilt, I thought it was a common word in English (I've just had a look in my dictionary, where "duvet" appears as such)... Anyhow, the night was soft and so it seemed fitting for the day to "repose" underneath!

To remind you of WCW is a honour for my poem (no matter plums or apricots! I love his poetry very much), though to link my effort with Montgomery is for me the highest compliment ever!

Thanks so very much for your time and attentive reading!

Be well, and write us something soon... Bar