The art in Samuel’s garden

[PrinceMyshkin]

What is the art in Samuel’s garden?
The north wind blows, the seasons
come and go in his neighbour’s garden,
as in his.

But when Samuel looks out at his garden
every bloom is a vignette
that contains a moment of blessedness.

[Hawkman]

I love this one, Prince, but it cries out to be longer :D

Live and be well H

[Alexander III]

This one is very well done, the final line really hits you with meaning and profundity.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you, Alexander III, and Hawkman:


I love this one, Prince, but it cries out to be longer :D

Live and be well H
It may cry its poor heart out but, at the risk of great arrogance, would you criticize a "moment of blessedness" for not lasting longer than it did? My hope was that the rapidly arrived at "blessedness" came like an ambush, in which there is neither the time nor the circumstance for negotiation or explanation.


PS Please note, I've made what is for me a significant change in the last line from "memory" to moment.

[AuntShecky]

I thought I replied to this yesterday, but I guess it didn't go through.

Couple of "thoughts" (I use the term loosely) which your poem evoked in me:

The old proverb is "cleanliness is next to Godliness," but there is something almost heavenly about being close to the earth, touching and working one's fingers through the silky soil. I read a recent on-line article which said that getting dirty (in the literal sense) can stave off depression. Also, it can help build up immunities; currently parents are being told not to depend on commercial cleaning products that call themselves "anti-bacterial" nor to get so paranoid about their kids' adventures in natural sand and dirt. I don't know about that, but I do know I miss my garden. Lucky "Samuel"!

I love the word choice of "vignette." When we see the word these days we usually see it in the context of an anecdote or maybe a little playlet. Yet the original meaning was that it is a minature painting or drawing, often a caricature or cartoon. I was reminded of that while reading a novel by your fellow countryman, Robertson Davies.

[qimissung]

What a tender offering, Prince. Samuel was indeed blessed.

[Hawkman]

Thank you, Alexander III, and Hawkman:


It may cry its poor heart out but, at the risk of great arrogance, would you criticize a "moment of blessedness" for not lasting longer than it did? My hope was that the rapidly arrived at "blessedness" came like an ambush, in which there is neither the time nor the circumstance for negotiation or explanation.


PS Please note, I've made what is for me a significant change in the last line from "memory" to moment.

Hi Prince

I did say I liked it and wanting more is no crime, even if you're Oliver Twist. Wouldn't you say that declaring a moment of blessedness was telling and not showing? :D I wonder what B/V will have to say...

Personally I don't mind telling but I felt that the admirable sentiment expressed had a beginning and an ending but was a bit short on middle. You once criticised one of my poems for not bing long enough I recall :D I think I may have made a similar response in saying, "...well that's all there is." So I sympathise with your position, but from a subjective standpoint and on this occasion, I would have liked to be able to read a little more of the noble Myshkin.

Live and be well, H

[Jerrybaldy]

Hello Prince
as i read your poem Mr Cohen was singing alleluah. You seemed in synch.
cheers
JB

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks, AuntShecky, qimissung, Jerrybaldly, and as for you,


Wouldn't you say that declaring a moment of blessedness was telling and not showing? :D I wonder what B/V will have to say...

Personally I don't mind telling but I felt that the admirable sentiment expressed had a beginning and an ending but was a bit short on middle. You once criticised one of my poems for not bing long enough I recall :D I think I may have made a similar response in saying, "...well that's all there is." So I sympathise with your position, but from a subjective standpoint and on this occasion, I would have liked to be able to read a little more of the noble Myshkin.




my disputatious friend, I have to agree that "blessedness" is telling rather than showing, though the problem didn't occur to me at the time. In retrospect, however, I find myself very hard-pressed to think how I might show "blessedness..."

[tailor STATELY]

Forgive me my tweek of your fine poem:

What is the art in Samuel’s garden ?
The north wind blows, the seasons
come and go, as on his neighbour’s
flowered grounds.

But when Samuel looks out
upon his efflorescence
every bloom is a vignette
containing a moment of blessedness.
.
.
.
Garden seemed repetitive, and though I know throwing in a $5 word when one for a quarter will do is not always the way to good poetry there is a symmetry in the union of 'efflorescence' and 'blessedness' that I find charming.
.
my niggle with "efflorescence" is that it does have a negative denotation when not pertaining to flowers; see Definition of 'efflorescence' (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=opera&rls=en&defl=en&q=define:efflorescence&sa=X&ei=aSVBTJzUFcOB8gb6rPHfDw&ved=0CBQQkAE)... but who would know ?

Sincerely,
:tailor STATELY

[hack]

Perhaps Samuel should allow that blessings
might extend beyond the fence.

[Hawkman]

Thanks, AuntShecky, qimissung, Jerrybaldly, and as for you,




my disputatious friend, I have to agree that "blessedness" is telling rather than showing, though the problem didn't occur to me at the time. In retrospect, however, I find myself very hard-pressed to think how I might show "blessedness..."

I guess you could dish out some halos :D

best, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks Hack, Hawkman and, Taylor:

I appreciate your involvement with this poem but



Garden seemed repetitive, and though I know throwing in a $5 word when one for a quarter will do is not always the way to good poetry there is a symmetry in the union of 'efflorescence' and 'blessedness' that I find charming.

Sincerely,
:tailor STATELY

I quite agree with you about the high price of "efflorescence." I won't use it here because a) I try to use everyday words as much as possible and b) in its manifest poeticness it would seem to me to take away in advance the rush I hoped to provide via "blessedness."

[tailor STATELY]

Your discernment is just and correct (not that you needed me to say so).

Thank you for your wonderful poem.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Your discernment is just and correct (not that you needed me to say so).

Thank you for your wonderful poem.

And thank you both for your original comment and for this one.

[blank|verse]

Intriguing one this, Prince.

The three-fold repetition of Samuel's name (including the title) draws attention to it, perhaps too much; although it does make the reader consider if there are Biblical connotations here, reinforced by the mention of 'blessedness'.

As for the 'telling', well, believe it or not, I didn't have a problem with it because of its use to create ambiguity. Samuel looks out on his garden and sees wonders, but can we trust Samuel's opinion of his own handiwork? Or is it just that he sees what others don't, or can't? It's nicely achieved, and is the heart of the poem.

(A small quibble: I think the order in the first verse should read: "the seasons come and go in his garden, | as in his neighbour’s.")

[Virgil]

What is the art in Samuel’s garden?
The north wind blows, the seasons
come and go in his neighbour’s garden,
as in his.

But when Samuel looks out at his garden
every bloom is a vignette
that contains a moment of blessedness.


Simplistic beauty. You achieved it with this one Prince. This one just lingers with me. Very nice.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Intriguing one this, Prince.

The three-fold repetition of Samuel's name (including the title) draws attention to it, perhaps too much; although it does make the reader consider if there are Biblical connotations here, reinforced by the mention of 'blessedness'.

Yes, that is or may be a problem, compounded by the fact that "Samuel" in Hebrew means either the name of God or God has heard, neither of which, nor the Biblical Samuel were even remotely in my mind.


As for the 'telling', well, believe it or not, I didn't have a problem with it because of its use to create ambiguity. Samuel looks out on his garden and sees wonders, but can we trust Samuel's opinion of his own handiwork? Or is it just that he sees what others don't, or can't? It's nicely achieved, and is the heart of the poem.
Great questions, to which I have no answer. He sees and experiences what he does. I wouldn't presume either to validate or dispute the "blessedness" that he feels/believes he feels.


(A small quibble: I think the order in the first verse should read: "the seasons come and go in his garden, | as in his neighbour’s.")

Of course, once one has wedded oneself to a particular rhythm, it is very hard to see/hear it otherwise: might it be like waking up to see that the face next to one on the pillow is not the face one fell asleep with? It seems to me, furthermore, that in your reordering, primacy is given to his garden whereas (however slightly) in mine his neighbour's garden is the more significant discovery.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Simplistic beauty. You achieved it with this one Prince. This one just lingers with me. Very nice.

Many thanks, Virgil. The lingering is very much what I hope for in these short, somewhat epigrammatic poems. To compensate for what some feel is their incompleteness, I hope that by hearing or reciting them again once or twice, they will come to sound complete.