20/20 Vision

[Hawkman]

Elegant and ephemeral as the wind
constrained by virtue,
never having sinned,
she walks the sand disturbing not a grain.
Her flowing hair,
together with the ribbon that would bind it,
drifts behind,
floating in the air upon a breeze that dares
to kiss her cheek,
while dying waves, with desperate impudence,
reach to kiss her feet.
Had I such courage,
maybe then I’d be complete
but I just watch, as she drifts along the shore,
though secretly I long for so much more.

[hillwalker]

A beautiful image, Hawk. So nice to see you out enjoying a bit of sunshine - burning away some of that Gothic darkness that seems to have been colouring much of your recent work. You really do have a gentle, seductive touch when needed.

I'm just going to jump in before b|v gets the opportunity to quibble about line 3 - rhyming with line 1 the way it does, leaves the reader expecting it to be continued, but of course it is not.

The rhyming at the end of the final 2 lines is, however, allowed!

Nice work though, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

What is to be treasured here is the quiet sound of a man ruminating in confidence as to the purity and beauty of his thoughts.

And, I believe, the romantic or erotic element is a new feature in your poems.

[Hawkman]

Hill, thank you kindly! I usually don't have much luck with this sort of poem, They always come out just plain funny, but this one, I felt, was a winner :D

The rhyming scheme is deliberately playful, and drops away (or switches to internal) to mimic the breeze which caresses my vision as she floats along.

My Prince,

Not new, just unpublished :D I'll have to post my ode to Sophie Mutter, though it's probably borderline lascivious rather than romantic or erotic, but it is rather fun.

Live and be well, my freinds,

H

[lallison]

I liked this despite the fact that I tend to dislike poems that subscribe to the romantic notion of beautiful women being oh-so virtuous, pure, and innocent. The great imagery and strong confessional couplet at the end is what won it over for me.
this I didn't care for:

Elegant and ephemeral as the wind
constrained by virtue,
never having sinned,
but the next lines created a vivid picture I enjoyed looking at, although it still contains a bit of Faerie Queen in it:

she walks the sand disturbing not a grain.
Her flowing hair,
together with the ribbon that would bind it,
drifts behind,
floating in the air upon a breeze that dares
to kiss her cheek,
while dying waves, with desperate impudence,
reach to kiss her feet.
and this is the excellent ending that provides the deep emotion and makes the poem

Had I such courage,
maybe then I’d be complete
but I just watch, as she drifts along the shore,
though secretly I long for so much more.
I think your rhyme scheme is quite elegant and fitting here. Fix the antiquated romantic ideals and you'll have me the whole way through, if you really want me that much. Nice writing. lal

[AuntShecky]

My goodness, a romantic aspect which we rarely see from you! There's an extremely attractive element to the bittersweet emotion of longing. Without the image of the ribbon, this could be an encomium to Aphrodite (on the
half shell.)

By the bye, what say you of this maxim, created by the director Billy Wilder, but is now a cliché:

"Hindsight is always 20/20."

[Lumiere]

Lovely, Hawk.
I'm quite interested in this ode to Sophie Mutter.

[Hawkman]

To be honest, lall, I didn't actually have you in mind when I wrote it :D can we deduce from your response that you imply at least, a personal preference for sleazy sinful wenches....?

Glad you found something to like though ;)

Hi Auntie,

It's just a passing phase :D

I went to Aphrodite's birth place once, but she wasn't in. I resolved to call back though, but I just haven't got around to it yet. Billy Wilder was indeed a wise man and yes it's true about hindsight.

Lumiere,

Thanks, and I promise you won't have to wait too long :D

Live long and prosper.

H

[Bar22do]

Hawk I LOVE the title, that's first. Then I love the whole poem from the its first sound to the last thought. But what really makes it is its well controlled emotion, pure and shy...
And I'm too on the list of the interested in ode to Sophie Mutter!!!
best to yo - bar and thanks for this pearl of post.

[Hawkman]

Hawk I LOVE the title, that's first. Then I love the whole poem from the its first sound to the last thought. But what really makes it is its well controlled emotion, pure and shy...
And I'm too on the list of the interested in ode to Sophie Mutter!!!
best to yo - bar and thanks for this pearl of post.

Sweet Bar,

Thanks for your glowing endorsement and I'm very happy that it pleases you. In view of the interest I have posted the ode to Ms. Mutter, which I fear will draw considerably less acclaim than my other recent posts. Definitely not great poetry but it is mildly amusing, so don't expect too much from it :D

Best, H

[justice4all]

Very nice poem here. I really love the feel of the read throughout. It flows very nicely and tells the story without a hitch, which is a very important part of any poem. I also very much love the imagery. You describe a floating beauty to the point which makes me question if she is even real at all. Is this just a fantasy you have come up with in your mind? I really enjoyed the read. thanks for sharing!

[Hawkman]

Thanks J4all, glad you enjoyed it.

Best,

H

[Haunted]

It's like a dream, so exquisite and soft. The contrast between her out-of-this-world beauty and the persona's down-to-earth desires is dynamic. The only trouble I have is the title. 20/20 feels so clinical it almost wipes out the romance of the poem itself. I personally prefer Hindsight for a double entendre. Then again I'm sure you did it for a reason. Thanks for such a beautiful piece.

[Hawkman]

Haunted, hi.

Thanks, glad you like the poem. Re the title. Hindsight is something you have after the event, looking back. If you notice, the poem is written in the present tense, describing the vision as it happens. 20/20 vision is perfect vision.

Thanks again, H

[formality hater]

I like your poem. You sure have a way with words! Quite nice indeed.

[Hawkman]

f h, thank you very much. H