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Astromaxis
07-05-2010, 12:55 PM
Your apple eyes
are my sugar
your ecstatic green
my rupture from silence
stars are levers
pulling out the moon
a slice of crescent
or a whole soul of shine
wood as thy defender
warlock is the wind
witch in the water
and air between rocks an in
inspires shelter
soft earth licked by dews
soft heart asleep
where once was born
all beings that now can walk...

{The part of the moon and stars was inspired by what Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) spoke of metaphorically about stars and moon - saying a person who has knowledge or education (can't accurately remember which word specifically) is like the moon amongst others who don't and those people who don't are like the stars in that moon crowned sky}

Lumiere
07-05-2010, 04:00 PM
Your apple eyes
are my sugar
your ecstatic green
my rupture from silence
stars are levers
pulling out the moon
a slice of crescent
or a whole soul of shine
wood as thy defender
warlock is the wind
witch in the water
and air between rocks an in
inspires shelter
soft earth licked by dews
soft heart asleep
where once was born
all beings that now can walk...

{The part of the moon and stars was inspired by what Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) spoke of metaphorically about stars and moon - saying a person who has knowledge or education (can't accurately remember which word specifically) is like the moon amongst others who don't and those people who don't are like the stars in that moon crowned sky}

Just jumped over from I Prefer Your Eyes;
these feel like they've been translated from Spanish, and I mean that, Astromaxis, as a compliment;
your exaltation of sensation as valid by itself is wonderful to read; insistence of image after image makes your words run on a plain that's almost physical;
saturated in Romancticism, but somehow I'm not at all repulsed.

In short:
I like this very much.

Bar22do
07-05-2010, 04:16 PM
...and I like it too.
but should not "was" be replaced with "were" in the line before the last? or "beings" with "being" in the very last?
thanks and best wishes to you - Bar

Delta40
07-05-2010, 06:07 PM
I love 'my rupture from silence'