herzog
06-26-2010, 07:24 AM
I would appreciate any feedback whatsoever, thankyou.
The decrepit door opened into the progressively unkempt room. The mother led her daughter into the apartment by the hand. There was a distinct resemblance between them, but it wasn’t due to their common genes. Bleary eyes, filthy hair and a general sense of disarray enforced the relation between them.
Come on, baby. Come to your room, ok? Mummy needs a little time alone. I’ll give you a bath afterwards, promise.
They exchanged a familiar interlocking of little fingers before the mother closed the door and slid the bolt forward.
In the child’s bedroom, the young girl lay on the unmade bed. Her silent tantrum was the reason for the scant number of bedclothes being strewn over the dusty floorboards. Tears had streamed down her cheeks as she lay on her side. They left a damp pool on the bare mattress.
Mummy, she repeatedly mouthed in silence; don’t forget you promised.
Outside the morning was bright. The kind of warm, careless day that epitomises spring. The kind you are grateful for after the bitter months of winter. The city was vibrant and alive outside the cracked glass that entailed her window.
The afternoon sun through the window awoke her. She blinked heavily several times, bidding farewell to the colourful shapes behind her eyelids. Glancing at the unmoved door, she felt a pang of distress in her stomach.
Mummy. You never came.
She got up and tried opening the door. There was enough play in the door to allow her to manoeuvre the bolt out of its shallow hole in the doorframe. It swung open with a long creak. Outside her room, the rest of the small inhabitance was quiet.
Crossing the living room, named so due to the shell of a malfunctioning television sitting in front of a third or fourth hand couch. She entered the bathroom.
She found her mother sitting limp on the toilet with her head resting against the adjacent wall, eyes rolled to the back of her head. The needle still protruded from a withered vein in her arm. The bath next to her had been run, the tap still leaking slowly into the body of water.
Oh mummy. You did keep your promise, she said exiting her clothes and lowering herself into the now cold water.
The decrepit door opened into the progressively unkempt room. The mother led her daughter into the apartment by the hand. There was a distinct resemblance between them, but it wasn’t due to their common genes. Bleary eyes, filthy hair and a general sense of disarray enforced the relation between them.
Come on, baby. Come to your room, ok? Mummy needs a little time alone. I’ll give you a bath afterwards, promise.
They exchanged a familiar interlocking of little fingers before the mother closed the door and slid the bolt forward.
In the child’s bedroom, the young girl lay on the unmade bed. Her silent tantrum was the reason for the scant number of bedclothes being strewn over the dusty floorboards. Tears had streamed down her cheeks as she lay on her side. They left a damp pool on the bare mattress.
Mummy, she repeatedly mouthed in silence; don’t forget you promised.
Outside the morning was bright. The kind of warm, careless day that epitomises spring. The kind you are grateful for after the bitter months of winter. The city was vibrant and alive outside the cracked glass that entailed her window.
The afternoon sun through the window awoke her. She blinked heavily several times, bidding farewell to the colourful shapes behind her eyelids. Glancing at the unmoved door, she felt a pang of distress in her stomach.
Mummy. You never came.
She got up and tried opening the door. There was enough play in the door to allow her to manoeuvre the bolt out of its shallow hole in the doorframe. It swung open with a long creak. Outside her room, the rest of the small inhabitance was quiet.
Crossing the living room, named so due to the shell of a malfunctioning television sitting in front of a third or fourth hand couch. She entered the bathroom.
She found her mother sitting limp on the toilet with her head resting against the adjacent wall, eyes rolled to the back of her head. The needle still protruded from a withered vein in her arm. The bath next to her had been run, the tap still leaking slowly into the body of water.
Oh mummy. You did keep your promise, she said exiting her clothes and lowering herself into the now cold water.