I'm free

[ur_shadow89]

One step at a time
To reach the final destination of mine,
And put an end into this misery
That’s suffocating my destiny.

Adieu, I say to you all
As I clasp my hand upon my chest,
I feel my every heartbeat pounding fast
The beat that is ticking, but soon will not last.

Now, I can almost touch the sky
The breeze hauling my being to the limit,
Shadows upon shadows creeps in
Whirling over my dying soul.

As I close my eyes
I see the angel of death awaits me,
Darkness unfold, then there was eternity;
Took my final step…

My final breath…

Plunge to my unknown destiny…

I’m free.

[hillwalker]

Parts of this are very good - the mood-setting and build-up particularly so.

However, personally, I feel the rhyming in verse 1 and the final 2 lines of verse 2 only serve to stifle the flow of the piece. It's as if you began with the idea of rhyming every two lines, then finally gave up because it became too cumbersome.

Perhaps rewriting the first two verses and discarding any end-rhymes would be a better option, giving you the freedom to express your ideas more clearly. Just a thought.....

H