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kittypaws
06-22-2010, 10:30 PM
I have worked on this piece a bit and since it is so close to me now...I am having problems titling it and hoping Someone will offer titles. As usual any comments that might help me write better are also appreciated!

He pulled back the arrow,
His arms quivered with the strain.
He took a deep breath
And tried again.
Holding tight to the bow,
He shuts his left eye;
And with his right
Lined up the sight.
It flies from his fingers,
Leaving a powerful sting.
And over shoots the mark.
Shaking away the burn,
Once again he takes aim
As his heart is a blaze.
Another deep breath,
Stronger arms this time.
He pulls the arrow back
The site right in his eye.
Another heated shot flies
This one lands
Dead center.


amanda curtis ~ Kittypaws
PrinceMyshkin
06-23-2010, 06:59 AM
"Dead Center" would appear to be one possible title for this. As for improving it, I think it is already as clean and vivid as it could be.
hillwalker
06-23-2010, 08:24 AM
Yes - no need to change a single word.

'Dead Centre' seems a fitting title - or 'The Bowman' if you wish to focus attention on something other than the target.

H
Hawkman
06-23-2010, 08:29 AM
No Archers among you then :D
Bar22do
06-23-2010, 06:23 PM
Oh dear kittypaw, this is absolutely neat and a pleasure! Its precision makes me think of E. Herrigel's "Zen in the Art of Archer" which I warmly recommend for you to read if you have not yet discovered it... thanks for your sharing this and the word that comes to my mind for the title is "The Focus"... a hug - Bar
kittypaws
06-27-2010, 11:22 PM
Dead Center

He draws back the arrow,
His arms quivered with the strain.
He took a deep breath
And tried it again.
Holding tight to the bow,
He shuts his left eye;
And with his right
Lined up the sight.
It flies from his fingers,
Leaving a powerful sting.
And over shoots the mark.
Shaking away the burn,
Once again he takes aim
His heart is ablaze.
Another deep breath,
Arms stronger this time.
Drawing the arrow back
The sight to his eye,
A heated shot flies
This one lands
Dead Center Gold.


I made some changes from the comments made....
Thank you for your time and consideration.

Kittypaws