I Shall Tell Thee My Love

[Jesterhead]

I speak not, nor breathe thy name,
For the tear on my burning cheek may impart,
Roams the grieving sound of guilty fame,
For the deep thoughts that dwell in a silent heart.

Though I shall tell thee my love so fake.

Thrice-fairer than any compare ever,
The eminent flower so rare to seek,
Stain to all nymphs, I shall love you forever,
More white and red than a dove with a rose in its beek.

Here come and sit, where never serpent hisses,
I rein my proud head against thy flawless glow,
And being set, I'll smother thee with kisses,
A thousand honey secrets shalt thou know.

I shall tell thee my love, why I sleep while awake.

My love and I, Our life is twofold,
Sleep hath its own world for thy being to see,
My pure dream of our love glowing till old,
Thou hath not one but two dreams to be.

Yet that terror was not fright,
A feeling still be by the lone lake,
Then thou played the melody of delight,
Scarring my ears to make me awake.

I shall tell thee my love, of underneath the salty lake.

Death was within that poisonous wave,
As it went for my dark soul to bring,
The shadow of a fitting grave,
For my lone imagining.

Though I speak nor breathe thy name,
For I lone with the burning tear impart,
Though I know thou feel no shame,
For thou have no deep thought whithin thy silent heart.

So my love, shall we feel pain once more, for old times sake?

[Hawkman]

Hi Jesterhead, there are some great lines in this and some potent imagery but I feel it got away from you in a couple of places.

"I speak not, nor breathe thy name,
For the tear on my burning cheek may impart,*
Roams the grieving sound of guilty fame,
For the deep thoughts that dwell in a silent heart."

This second line has a slight problem, what does the tear impart? you don't tell us.
if you end the line at cheek the verse makes more sense.

Also watch out when using the archaic "hath" you still have a tendancy to use it when you should use "hast", Although, to be honest, I'd prefer it if you dropped the archaic useage and style. I think you are a good enough poet not to have to rely on the stylistic device.

Still, a good read and thanks for sharing. H

[zoolane]

I think it a fantastic poem, very dark but subtle use subject on tragic boat accident or murder. I have decide which yet.

[Bar22do]

Hi Jester, your dark lines exercised me... I agree with H regarding archaisms and little inconsequences, but on the whole your poem reads smoothly while warning about mischievous loves... Best regards to you and thanks - Bar