My first piece of writing. (13 Year Old)

[Rae]

Hey people, Rae here. I just want to share my writing to people. I'm 13 and started writing a year ago, sorry about the small writing please ignore it. Thanks. Enjoy.


http://i48.tinypic.com/2vsrhg6.png

[dafydd manton]

Nice one! Keep going!!

[Rae]

I'm from South Yorkshire too, ya know. Haha. Sheff is too rough though nowdays.

[neilgee]

It's promising for your age. , Rae, you should practise like mad now.

[hack]

It is a good start...keep at it,
try to write a little each day,
you will be surprised at how
much you can do. It amazes
me, anyway...peace...

[Steven Hunley]

Well you already said you'd been writing for a year so it's not your first bit of writing is it? No. Now that's out of the way I'll say this. I'm not sure what it's about, but whatever it's about I like your style immensely. So, thirteen-year-old-writer I have only one suggestion for you at this time. Keep writing. You'll only get better. And post the stuff here and keep us up to date. Maybe you'll be famous one day and we can say we "knew you when".

[D.P.Trottier]

Yea, I'm curious about the topic. It opens with a really claustrophobic feeling, I like that. sounds like prison, but with the white walls it seems like solitary confinement, or a psychiatric asylum. So AzBrielan is released from his prison, supposedly redeemed for whatever reason he was there to begin with, but he's a killer and he's ready to strike again? that's what I get from it, am I in the ballpark?

[Rae]

Haha, far from it. I'm keeping it a cliff hanger at the moment. But I think I'll carry it on soon.

P.S

You're not ment to know what it's about at the moment it's for your mind to make up what it is. :).

[hillwalker]

I'll echo everybody else's comments. It's an intriguing piece - it took a couple of readings to get the sense of what it was about. But you do a very good job of creating a suspenseful atmosphere and I shall look forward to the next instalment.

H

[Rae]

Continued, (Good look on catching up on the story it's very confusing :)).



The walls were emotionless, blank. It's expression was nothing, no life. Just white. They surrounded it, driving it insane with it's absentness. There was no entrance, no exit. Just the four walls with it inside, just waiting for a spark of love, passion, even hate. Just something to show that it isn't over. It seemed its superior beauty, grace and wisdom was the only good living Intelligence. It was trapped until the day Thursday April the Fifteenth two thousand and six. The walls broken in to an abyss of light. The Angels grace was returned the barriers of matter was bended. The light was immense. Unbearable to the human eye. he was released. In the eyes there was just pity, he was sorry for the anserine mistakes of the humans, anger rooted in his veins. He hid it well from the followers. They bowed, blind from agression to hurt, his disobidence to himself. But worst of all, the blindness of his sorrow. I'm not writing this to prove a point, I'm writing this as a lesson. Maybe this is pure fiction, maybe it's true. But writing this took a lot of passion from me. These are my ideas, not something I made just to entertain. It's my feelings on paper.

Nobody knows why they create us, not even them I guess. Twenty ten. The height of hatred, we cannot live without hate, violence, I'd say the main cause was our pride. to prove others our supeiority over each other, but really there's no denying the truth that we're all the same inside, either black, white, wise, dumb. We all have that anger for power, when they created us. If they didn't want us to hurt, why did they make pride? Maybe for balance, too much love is going to drive us insane eventually. This man was a prime example of too much love. The worst thing is he hid it, he did what most do. No doubt it was dumb but it wasn't his fault. He was an outcast, to his family and friends. From the day he was born he was seen as different. They branded him as "Luc". Luc Gabriel. A strange name for a strange thing. (TBC)

[Rae]

Alright mate, I really do not lie about my age. If anything I'd expect a (Kid this forum is for adults back away) I guess I do kinda put it to show off my skill, but to get noticed I guess it's what I need to do, I want to be a authour. But I've put it incase of grammar mistakes too, because if I was a 23 year old with grammar mistakes in writing. I'd be called names here because you're all smart people.

Thanks for your critizsm if it is though friend :). And for commenting on how you feel.

I guess my style of writing is strange by putting me in the actual story. I don't write for money if I am to make it from writing, no doubt I'd love to be a authour making money from writing, but the reason I started writing is the first place was because on my perspective I saw things, such as war in Afgan ect. I guess I've just put it in to a Supernatural way. But I guess I'm kind of the guy in the story haha.

Ps.

Bai.<3

[Rae]

And by the way people the next part will be kinda big :). I'm gonna make more sense of it.

[soundofmusic]

Hello Rae, welcome to the forum and I encourage you to continue writing; you have a great bit of flair. You are quite sophisticated for your age, as are many of our younger people on this forum; I hope you will seek them out and enjoy their friendship as well.
You might want to brush up on grammer; I think the one small thing that might be confusing about your work is that it changes tenses frequently.
Are you interested in Science Fiction? I think I see a bit of influence from some of the greats in that area.
Best of LUck:hurray::hurray:

[Thom Holliday]

Keep it up Rae! It's good writing for your age. If you practice everyday you will no doubt be a master by the time you're an adult. Also keep hold of everything you write, you never know when it will come in use.


What really bothers me about you is that you say that your 13 years old, as if your showing off your skills. I don't know why it bothers me, it just does. I highly doubt your no where close to 13 years old, since most ***20*** year olds don't even know the words that you use exist. There is no need for you to tell us that your 13 years old. I would have read The Da Vinci Code even if Dan Brown was some 120 year old guy who's appearance is very disturbing. What im trying to say is that your "outside" if you know what I mean, doesn't affect the way you write. This is just how I feel though.

Just because YOU don't know certain words, doesn't mean that a 13 year old can't. You have no clue of their background or whatever, so don't generalise and speculate.

If they want to show off, so what? Just chill, and be happy that Rae is doing something productive.

[dafydd manton]

Good point, Thom. How many of us who do enjoy writing don't do it to show off! The art of teaching = the art of encouraging, and then guiding.

[WritersPlatform]

I am teacher and I am so excited to see that at thirteen years old you are launching out your writing.

Go for it!

WP