The First Blood

[PrinceMyshkin]

The first blood fled the rest
as if they were odious to each other
and the lanterns on the far hill
dipped as if in salute.

In truth, the earth has no appetite
for blood but accepts it
as it accepts the rain,
the tread of any one set of feet
or of the latest marauders.

Everything we wish for
comes to pass
in one form or another.

[Hawkman]

Hi Prince. The second stanaza is the strongest here IMO, for what it's worth. I'm in a fairly fragile state at the mo and the first verse references are hitting me with excess baggage. The First Blood thing has me thinking of Rambo and the dipping lanterns makes me think of the young virgins who trimmed their lamps. (biblical thing)

I'm afraid I just don't buy the last stanza. I reminds me of a cryptic line spoken by a Not-Dragon in my first novel, "All prophesies come true if you wait long enough." It wasn't true then either...

But,

"In truth, the earth has no appetite
for blood but accepts it
as it accepts the rain,
the tread of any one set of feet
or of the latest marauders."

is a universal truth. This is the heart of the poem and I feel the rest could be discarded but this would glow to the end of days.

Best, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Hi Prince. The second stanaza is the strongest here IMO, for what it's worth. I'm in a fairly fragile state at the mo and the first verse references are hitting me with excess baggage. The First Blood thing has me thinking of Rambo and the dipping lanterns makes me think of the young virgins who trimmed their lamps. (biblical thing)

The image of the dipping lanterns came, unbidden, from my recollection of the nine or so months I spent at kibbutz Kfar Blum in the upper Galilee, some 58 years ago! To the west of us, on the Galilean hills, there were other kibbutzim (Hebrew plural) and I must have noticed their lights one or several evenings.


I'm afraid I just don't buy the last stanza. Actually, it isn't for sale, at least not without purchase of the whole poem.


I reminds me of a cryptic line spoken by a Not-Dragon in my first novel, "All prophesies come true if you wait long enough." It wasn't true then either...

But,

"In truth, the earth has no appetite
for blood but accepts it
as it accepts the rain,
the tread of any one set of feet
or of the latest marauders."

is a universal truth. This is the heart of the poem and I feel the rest could be discarded but this would glow to the end of days.

Best, H

Many thanks for this last, and my empathy for your "fairly fragile state."

[qimissung]

I love it. Every word rings true. It is a little darker than your usual fare, but now less valid for all that. In fact, any moral seems more implicit and I think this poem is all the better for it. Good one, Prince.

[AuntShecky]

Interesting as is typical of your work, but I have to admit that I'm having trouble relating the final stanza to the previous parts of the poem. Could you elaborate for me please?

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks, Qimissung, and as for your question, AuntShecky:


Interesting as is typical of your work, but I have to admit that I'm having trouble relating the final stanza to the previous parts of the poem. Could you elaborate for me please?

See Hawkman's response; you aren't the only one.

{edit}

[MrRegular]

At first I didn't understand what this had to do with Rambo, but then I noticed what a nice peice this is, despite.

[PrinceMyshkin]

At first I didn't understand what this had to do with Rambo, but then I noticed what a nice peice this is, despite.

Thanks, MrRegular!

[Virgil]

Oh I do find this interesting. I don't have a problem at all with the final stanza. My problem is with "first blood." Why first blood? It doesn't seem to make sense to me.

Plus the phrase seems a little too commercial or a pop phrase. I couldn't help being reminded of the movie "Rambo: First Blood."

I agree the middle stanza is the heart of the poem, but i don't agree that the rest could be eliminated. The closing stanza is what enlarges the poem and amplifies the meaning of the second stanza. I also think the first stanza is critical to the poem. It establishes the symbols that will be important to the heart of the theme. I guess my only qualm is the adjective "first". I don't understand it and it seems corny. Perhaps you might consider looking through all sorts of other adjectives for another.

It's a good one Prince.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Oh I do find this interesting. I don't have a problem at all with the final stanza. My problem is with "first blood." Why first blood? It doesn't seem to make sense to me.

Plus the phrase seems a little too commercial or a pop phrase. I couldn't help being reminded of the movie "Rambo: First Blood."

I agree the middle stanza is the heart of the poem, but i don't agree that the rest could be eliminated. The closing stanza is what enlarges the poem and amplifies the meaning of the second stanza. I also think the first stanza is critical to the poem. It establishes the symbols that will be important to the heart of the theme. I guess my only qualm is the adjective "first". I don't understand it and it seems corny. Perhaps you might consider looking through all sorts of other adjectives for another.

It's a good one Prince.

The "first blood" metaphor came from reading a statement by an Israeli woman who said: "I wouldn't mind giving them" (i.e., the Palestinians) "East Jerusalem so long as they didn't say we threw the first stone" and it got me thinking of the long, long history of that region and indeed of any longstanding blood quarrel. Suppose it could ever be established that X threw the first stone, and admitted it, would Y then offer to withdraw the retaliatory stone?

And of course the first stone was likely responded to with two stones - or a boulder.

[Virgil]

Ok, I understand. Thanks.

Edit:
As I'm looking at synonyms for "first" I'm finding several that may carry the same meaning and not give it that pop phrasing. How about incipient, primordial, or commencing? Though i don't care for commencing. Incipient blood doesn't shift the mening in the least and primordial blood has a connotation of someithing ingrained in the soul and dating ages.

[_Shannon_]

Tangentially--have you seen the movie Shotgun Stories??

[blank|verse]

An interesting piece, that improves after having read your explanation, Prince.

Like others, I feel the second stanza is the strongest and the imagery of the earth having 'no appetite for blood' works particularly well.

However, the last stanza does make for a rather disappointingly platitudinous conclusion.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Many thanks Shannon. Virgil, apropos

As I'm looking at synonyms for "first" I'm finding several that may carry the same meaning and not give it that pop phrasing. How about incipient, primordial, or commencing? Though i don't care for commencing. Incipient blood doesn't shift the mening in the least and primordial blood has a connotation of someithing ingrained in the soul and dating ages.

See my response to B}V below: any of the suggestions you've been kind enough to research would sound a touch too fancy for me, and out of tone with the rest of the poem, per what I respond to B|V


the last stanza does make for a rather disappointingly platitudinous conclusion.

The question this raises for me is whether it's 1) the thought or 2) the way it's expressed that strikes you as platitudinous. If the former, I cannot imagine any generalization about human experience that hasn't been made - and often - before; if it's 2) I would like to defend it as being in keeping with the diction I normally aim for, as here: what I might call literate everyday conversation, something that might in fact sound like found poetry. The character of the persona here is not such that he/she might produce something more striking or 'poetic'.

[Virgil]

Actually as I re-read it, the "first" in the first line doesn't ring badly. I think I'm reacting to the title more. "The First Blood" sounds kind of dramatic and perhaps overly for a short poem. Anyway, those are my thoughts. It's still a good poem.