MANICHAEAN
06-15-2010, 05:56 AM
We have in the West a somewhat jaundiced perspective of what, in large parts of Asia constitutes an "arranged marriage". I thought it therefore interesting, (if not intriguing!), to explore the pros and cons of such an institution, especially outside of the regions where it is the norm. If you are, for example a typical, single, Indian man who lives in the USA, Canada or the UK the time will come when it will dawn on you that the only real chance you have to conform to your cultural traditions & indulge in wedded bliss lies in the hallowed institution of the aforsaid "arranged marriage". You may or may not know the country where your parents were born. You may or may not have had the experience of spending part of your childhood there. Whichever it is, you have been out of touch with the non Western Indian female population & are now obliged to explore it again.
The first question that must be asked is: "Does one need a beautiful wife?" Beauty is a double edged sword. It has its advantages and disadvantages, some of which I summarize below.
The advantages of having a beautiful wife:
1. A beautiful girl is much easier to adjust to than an unattractive one. You will be much more tolerant of her faults during the initial "adjustment" phase of marriage, simply because you will not have the heart to get irritated with someone so lovely. She will be much easier to forgive after a fight.
2. A beautiful wife enhances your social stature. People will look atyou and think, "How the #&% did that !@$## land such a gorgeous babe? He must have something that is not visible on the outside!" You will get invited to more parties, especially by men who want to spend the evening drooling at her.
3. And most importantly, sex will be much better if your wife is good looking. Otherwise, after a couple of years when the pent-up horniness of the past 25years has worn off, you probably will not be even able to get it up, unless you resort to the somewhat dubious & perverse tactic of fantasizing about a Bollywood hottie when you are in bed.
The disadvantages of having a beautiful wife:
1. If you are one of those for whom; innocence, virtue, and chastity are important, beautiful women are not for you. While beauty (or the lack of it) in a woman is in no way indicative of her intelligence, beautiful women are invariably very street-smart. They know that they are good looking, and have got used to people bending over backwards to accommodate them. As a teenager in college, a beautiful woman would have had lots of men vying with each other for her friendship and affections. She would have had to be more than human not to have enjoyed the attention. She would have played the men one against the other, as women have done since time immemorial. She might have dated and even had affairs. In the process, she would get to know men all too well, and would realise that they are but putty in the hands of a good-looking woman.
2. A good-looking woman is more than a match for the average young star struck aspiring young man. She will twist you around her little finger and make you jump through hoops. Things will get done her way.
3. A beautiful woman is unlikely to be particularly virtuous or righteous. But that is okay, since too much virtue goes hand-in-hand with rather undesirable traits. A virtuous woman may also be; boring, hyper-religious or cold between thes sheets. Having said that I always remember the line in "Schlindlers List" where it is said that "Oscar Schlindler was the type of man that would drive a wife to religion"
4. A beautiful woman is more likely to "stray" after marriage.The fact that a woman is married does not make her off-limits to would-be Casanovas. The more lovely a woman is, the more likely is she to be propositioned by her male colleagues or friends. Ergo, she is subject to much more temptation than her homely counterparts. Think about this ....how would it be if women kept asking you, a man, to make love to them? How many times would you refuse?
Which brings me to how to go about selecting a beautiful wife.
First of all there is the matter of mentioning it to your parents. Here is a very important tip.....do not leave bride-hunting to your parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their priorities, coming after: caste, horoscopes, family background, percieved virtue of the girl etc.
Another unpalatable fact is that your mother will not want you to marry someone too beautiful. This often comes as a surprise to most sons, but the reason is simple. Mothers know that, sooner or later, there will be a tussle between her and her daughter-in-law over her son's affections and loyalties.
Another thing. Before you start on your bride hunting, you should convince yourself that you deserve a beautiful wife. Do not ever think, "But I am not so good looking anyway, what right have I to demand a lovely girl?" Since man started walking the earth, it has been the man's wealth that has been traded off for the woman's beauty. Rest assured that your looks will be the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a prospective husband.
Now what about how to check whether she is beautiful.
First of all never consent to marry a girl whom you have seen only in photographs. PHOTOGRAPH'S LIE!!!!!!!!! Many of the pictures are blatent forgeries, involving splicing the girl's head onto the figure of some other girl, sometimes professional models.
Once you see the girl directly, you can easily check whether her face measures up.
The figure is a different matter altogether. Women have conducted more research into packaging themselves than have been conducted on the entire US space effort.So, if she seems to have a liking for loose, flowing sarees keep your mind open to the possibility that she might be overweight.
That fold of the sari draped oh-so-elegantly across her midriff might be concealing a mother of all paunches. If it iswound demurely around her back, she probably has spare tyres.
Does she walk slowly and sedately, like an old Spanish galleon making its way across the seas? She is probably holding her paunch in.
Subtly hint that you would liketo see her in western clothes. If she refuses flat-out, then you can be sure that she is hiding something.
If she has a good figure, she will make damned sure that you see it.
GOOD HUNTING!
The first question that must be asked is: "Does one need a beautiful wife?" Beauty is a double edged sword. It has its advantages and disadvantages, some of which I summarize below.
The advantages of having a beautiful wife:
1. A beautiful girl is much easier to adjust to than an unattractive one. You will be much more tolerant of her faults during the initial "adjustment" phase of marriage, simply because you will not have the heart to get irritated with someone so lovely. She will be much easier to forgive after a fight.
2. A beautiful wife enhances your social stature. People will look atyou and think, "How the #&% did that !@$## land such a gorgeous babe? He must have something that is not visible on the outside!" You will get invited to more parties, especially by men who want to spend the evening drooling at her.
3. And most importantly, sex will be much better if your wife is good looking. Otherwise, after a couple of years when the pent-up horniness of the past 25years has worn off, you probably will not be even able to get it up, unless you resort to the somewhat dubious & perverse tactic of fantasizing about a Bollywood hottie when you are in bed.
The disadvantages of having a beautiful wife:
1. If you are one of those for whom; innocence, virtue, and chastity are important, beautiful women are not for you. While beauty (or the lack of it) in a woman is in no way indicative of her intelligence, beautiful women are invariably very street-smart. They know that they are good looking, and have got used to people bending over backwards to accommodate them. As a teenager in college, a beautiful woman would have had lots of men vying with each other for her friendship and affections. She would have had to be more than human not to have enjoyed the attention. She would have played the men one against the other, as women have done since time immemorial. She might have dated and even had affairs. In the process, she would get to know men all too well, and would realise that they are but putty in the hands of a good-looking woman.
2. A good-looking woman is more than a match for the average young star struck aspiring young man. She will twist you around her little finger and make you jump through hoops. Things will get done her way.
3. A beautiful woman is unlikely to be particularly virtuous or righteous. But that is okay, since too much virtue goes hand-in-hand with rather undesirable traits. A virtuous woman may also be; boring, hyper-religious or cold between thes sheets. Having said that I always remember the line in "Schlindlers List" where it is said that "Oscar Schlindler was the type of man that would drive a wife to religion"
4. A beautiful woman is more likely to "stray" after marriage.The fact that a woman is married does not make her off-limits to would-be Casanovas. The more lovely a woman is, the more likely is she to be propositioned by her male colleagues or friends. Ergo, she is subject to much more temptation than her homely counterparts. Think about this ....how would it be if women kept asking you, a man, to make love to them? How many times would you refuse?
Which brings me to how to go about selecting a beautiful wife.
First of all there is the matter of mentioning it to your parents. Here is a very important tip.....do not leave bride-hunting to your parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their priorities, coming after: caste, horoscopes, family background, percieved virtue of the girl etc.
Another unpalatable fact is that your mother will not want you to marry someone too beautiful. This often comes as a surprise to most sons, but the reason is simple. Mothers know that, sooner or later, there will be a tussle between her and her daughter-in-law over her son's affections and loyalties.
Another thing. Before you start on your bride hunting, you should convince yourself that you deserve a beautiful wife. Do not ever think, "But I am not so good looking anyway, what right have I to demand a lovely girl?" Since man started walking the earth, it has been the man's wealth that has been traded off for the woman's beauty. Rest assured that your looks will be the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a prospective husband.
Now what about how to check whether she is beautiful.
First of all never consent to marry a girl whom you have seen only in photographs. PHOTOGRAPH'S LIE!!!!!!!!! Many of the pictures are blatent forgeries, involving splicing the girl's head onto the figure of some other girl, sometimes professional models.
Once you see the girl directly, you can easily check whether her face measures up.
The figure is a different matter altogether. Women have conducted more research into packaging themselves than have been conducted on the entire US space effort.So, if she seems to have a liking for loose, flowing sarees keep your mind open to the possibility that she might be overweight.
That fold of the sari draped oh-so-elegantly across her midriff might be concealing a mother of all paunches. If it iswound demurely around her back, she probably has spare tyres.
Does she walk slowly and sedately, like an old Spanish galleon making its way across the seas? She is probably holding her paunch in.
Subtly hint that you would liketo see her in western clothes. If she refuses flat-out, then you can be sure that she is hiding something.
If she has a good figure, she will make damned sure that you see it.
GOOD HUNTING!