Azraelz
06-11-2010, 01:23 PM
The beginning is almost the same as before just a few little changes, the second part, is another part of my story. I would love to hear back from whoever reads this and tell me parts of the story that have affected them, or ways I could change this story to make it more readable. Thank you for reading my story.
Willowwind
I look at my phone as I turn the song up, the green background is full of <3’s on the personal banner. I wen’t downstairs to the doorbell which had just rung. The carpet on the stairs are torn in multiple places, but they still keep me from falling, Im surprised I havent yet. The door slowly opens and the occupant of my door leaves me speechless. Her name is Abigail. At this moment, I wish there was no carpet to hold me up. We hadn’t talked in 3 days, and here she is in my doorway. The last time I had seen her I was crying, I didn’t let her see but when I left I cried, deep down I understood the events that would unfold before I had even embarked on the journey. She was just a little shorter than me, she had on a beautiful orange dress that day, the day I moved out. Those last moments before I kissed her goodbye, we would both say I love you, and I left For three weeks back to Texas. But today, she wore her heels, and the dress she wore on Easter. She shaved her legs. Her hair had been curled, She was taller than me. I noticed her purple eyeliner.
I understood at once something was amiss. Despite the times we have been together, she rarely dressed up and never curled her hair, for anything. While I was watching her, she was me.
“You look beautiful.”
“Thank you!” she said. Those clandestine blue orbs, with that gentle smile could light the darkness of any room.
There was a jolt that went down my spine, my chest begins to feel something of a thousand glass splinters in my chest. This feeling is becoming something of chronic pain to me. I am lost as of right now.
We continued up, to show her the grand tour of my newly bought room. First the kitchen, dirty, but it still had what I needed. The bathroom, I had just hung up a new shower curtain which was a present to me from my mother. It had Hibiscus flowers all over it. Abigail had a hibiscus tattoo on the top part of her hip, and just a little down.
“This house is awesome, I’m definitely coming over a lot!” my heart sank deeper. Where does that void come from… I continue to bring her to my room, where I have hung up all my hangings. There are 3 hangings, one of a giant purple tapestry with an 8x8 display of golden Om symbols. The second, a Mantra with green, yellow, red, and of orange like Abigail’s old dress. The last one was a scarf but I still hung it up. The Om symbol was once again all over the scarf, but the outlining words surrounding them, was what was important. The words were written in Hindi, हे राम, “Hey Ram.” Oh God! These were the last words of Mahatma Gandhi.
“This looks amazing Tommy, It’s Great!”
That’s all I could think, Hey Ram…
We stared at eachother when we sat on my futon. I laid back and looked at her dress. Shes beautiful, and I don’t know what to do anymore. The trees gently blow in the background, as I watch the clouds go by. We migrate to the front porch, and bask in the sun. The light of the sun is being dragged behind the cloud; her hair is like a wave of amber….
“Tommy, I love you.” “I love you too Abigail”. The door opens; a man stumbles across the floor and sits down in the chair next to my futon. The black silk duvet is covering Abigail and I. “I am soo drunk, Ryans got my keys.” This would happen to me I say to myself. Her soft leg moves across mine, and nudges me, little pricks from the hair tickle me. “I know.” I gently whisper to her. This is the first time she said she loved me, I died on the inside; I am the happiest man in the world. Im free falling in my own bed. The rest of the guys show up soon after, they exlaim their drunken adventures and their desire for food to quench them. I stare at her eyes, and I want nothing more than to be alone with her. The room door is now kicked in, the handle broken. My roomate has broken the door. “I’m going to leave.” “Please, don’t,” I whimper as she stands up and goes to her room. Her amber waves wave goodbye to me as she leaves. The next day we made love, and the day after. I was euphoric, as the sun would touch my face with rolling clouds. I could remember watching the sunrise from her bed, staring at her while she is still asleep, the sun gently kissing her hair.
“Tommy! Look!” as she pointed at the rabbit I had been watching. “ What should we call him!” “George?” “No! Bunny FuFu!” “Who is Bunny FuFu?” “That’s Bunny FuFu” she points at the rabbit again. He’s still George to me. He continues to eat the daisy he has picked up, as the sun starts to set. “You look great, what are you all dressed up for?” “Im going on a date.” As my heart sinks in again, some sort of indignation makes this moment last forever. I am still in love, and always will be. “Can he pick me up here?” what kind of a question is that? Ask me if this new man can come to steal you from me? “Yeah sure I really don’t care,” This was some good news, I realized she had to come here when she was done, but realized the folly of my conscious thought after thinking of it.
“Don’t hate me.” I zone out “I’m sorry, what did you say?” “Tommy, Please don’t hate me” She said as she walked away to the boys car. I am shaking, anxious, bewildered, and now this chasm has fully engulfed my heart. He waves at me, he is the valet boy shes been hanging out with at her work.
“So you’re Tommy, Abby has been talking all about you.” The man says as he shakes my hand. He is very tall and muscular, the security guard is a proper job for him. “I’m guessing your Papa Frank.” “That’s what they seem to like to call me.” “She talks about you all the time, glad I finally get to meet you.” “Likewise sir.” As I move to shake the valet boys hand….
The hearts on my phone are still intact, and the green message on the inside of my phone looks back “You’re the Absolute Best.”
Willowwind is looking back at me, this brick red house is still warm from the little sun it has recieved. A firefly is right in front of me. The delicate bug lies next to me on the stump, glowing, without a care in the world.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Theres comes a point in a man’s life. Where we have lost every desire to live. Many have come to this point more than once… The central roles that others play end, and have left us. When the quiet appreciation of this nature eludes us. Leaving me in indignation. I cling, to nothing, and only think of how things could end. When I desire to leap off the nearest building to feel the wind, gush past my face and finally witness the real end to anguish.
Perchance, to finally dream true. To the place where I can finally lay quiet. I want to be there now. Far away from my present self. For anything, can be better than this. To the day where I was happy, when I was in love. Cared for, and people would be willing to do anything to help me. Where have they gone? My hands have nothing left to give, for I have given it my most, yet I still hold what I had before, ready when the words are said. My unrequited love to the beauty of others, and yet with these moral teachings. I sit here, anxious, bewildered, depressed, and no desire to live.
I want to hear my bells toll, thay day that I die, to hear the crying of somone, for somone to cry for me. One last time. For, will everything be alright? Will I hold somone again like I once did you? When I was alive, when I still held the flowers for you and they were not gasping for life on the floor. I feel for those flowers. Their inability to speak, only to be looked upon. When I see beauty and the reality of the universe, you see nothing but me and my futile attempt to mend what I have lost.
I don’t want to be anymore, I would die if I see you, but I’ll die if I don’t. Despite your hate and supposed ideas of Love and care for me. You are not here! You promised to help me, to come and listen to my story! To save me from this pit full of evil shadows that wish to consume me. To leave me like them, dark and scared. Save me from the darkest place in the universe, save me from my mind and prove to me that the impossibilities of the universe are possible. Yet, you love him… And leave me behind.
Do not cry for my death, for who will hold you then? The man who took you from me!? Do not speak of my name, for where were you when I would scream your name to the heavens until it became gutteral with sobs of vain and despair! I screamed your name, and cursed this existence, cried out to god. Save me! SAVE ME FROM MYSELF GOD, I cannot breath. NO MORE GOD! Please! Save me!
But there was no answer. Just me. Just me.
My hand seeming broken, I walked past the green river, while the fireflies still wandered by, to the swingsets I had called my home. I want to swing rythmically forever. So I may not care. To let the wind flow past my face. For life, is like a swing. Pushing, Pulling. Up, and Down. While the stars, were matched by the fireflies below me, where each more was closer to each. For I, am in Limbo. No Job, no school, no loved ones to talk to. And no god. My closest friends, I hoped, were the stars and fireflies that watched me go.
I walked to the store for a pack of solitude, I had run out.
You know those are bad for you,
You don’t seem to be helping me out much,
Doesn’t mean that they are good for you,
Well they are here for me when I need them,
They cost money you know?
Lifes short, spend what you can. You havent been there for me. You’re the one who makes me do this.
Why’s that?
You mess with me, make me think things will work. Make me believe in the Impossible.
Im back home, walking up the stairs I had felt that morning when Abigail had walked behind me. To hear her footsteps. Sometimes, I dream.
My legs and chest are warm, my arms ache yet, it was for love. I smell her hair, feel the curves of her body, and kiss her back. Tasting the slightly salty kiss back of her skin. “Goodmorning Abigail.” “Goodmorning,” she would say, as she smiled back with those blue spheres that I could die in. Gently kissing me on the lips, holding onto my head. “What do you want for breakfast?” “Surprise me,” as she leaned towards me and kissed me again. I did not wan’t to leave this bed. I wanted to rest here forever, the soft matress holding me in silent equilibrium. My flowers were staring back at me that I had picked for her the last night. I started to cry, yet I continued to the kitchen.
I made eggs, I had made them for her 2 days before, “Tommy that’s Amazing! Its perfectly round! How did you do it…” “I’m the worlds greatest Chef!” I said as I tipped my imaginary hat towards her. “NO! How did you do it!” she played. “ Haha, I’ll show you one day,” my smile was touching both of my ears. I left to the room with Hibiscus Flowers. The soft, water rushed past my face, I hear the soft creak of the door. The curtain opens and she is standing there. Her soft body is the only thing in the world I see. The orange flower of her hip, the waves of her hair, and her shaved legs. She starts to walk up as I extend my had towards her. There is a mirror behind her as her hair moves past it.
“NOOO!” I scream, “ NOOOOOO!” I slip out of the shower and hold the mirror. I’m crying, screaming, somebody hear me. She is in the shower, she is with the boy. Laughing, and holding him. “NO! GO AWAY!” I punch the mirror, it wont break, I keep punching the mirror, My hands are cut with glass, yet the mirror is still there unbroken, they are kissing. It wont go away, “Please go away!” I sob. Please, go away.
My pillow is wet, I have been crying in my sleep. My housemate is staring at me, he had woken me up. “You alright Tommy? You were screaming? Whats wrong?” “Nothing, Im fine.” “Abigail?” “ Yeah…”
Willowwind
I look at my phone as I turn the song up, the green background is full of <3’s on the personal banner. I wen’t downstairs to the doorbell which had just rung. The carpet on the stairs are torn in multiple places, but they still keep me from falling, Im surprised I havent yet. The door slowly opens and the occupant of my door leaves me speechless. Her name is Abigail. At this moment, I wish there was no carpet to hold me up. We hadn’t talked in 3 days, and here she is in my doorway. The last time I had seen her I was crying, I didn’t let her see but when I left I cried, deep down I understood the events that would unfold before I had even embarked on the journey. She was just a little shorter than me, she had on a beautiful orange dress that day, the day I moved out. Those last moments before I kissed her goodbye, we would both say I love you, and I left For three weeks back to Texas. But today, she wore her heels, and the dress she wore on Easter. She shaved her legs. Her hair had been curled, She was taller than me. I noticed her purple eyeliner.
I understood at once something was amiss. Despite the times we have been together, she rarely dressed up and never curled her hair, for anything. While I was watching her, she was me.
“You look beautiful.”
“Thank you!” she said. Those clandestine blue orbs, with that gentle smile could light the darkness of any room.
There was a jolt that went down my spine, my chest begins to feel something of a thousand glass splinters in my chest. This feeling is becoming something of chronic pain to me. I am lost as of right now.
We continued up, to show her the grand tour of my newly bought room. First the kitchen, dirty, but it still had what I needed. The bathroom, I had just hung up a new shower curtain which was a present to me from my mother. It had Hibiscus flowers all over it. Abigail had a hibiscus tattoo on the top part of her hip, and just a little down.
“This house is awesome, I’m definitely coming over a lot!” my heart sank deeper. Where does that void come from… I continue to bring her to my room, where I have hung up all my hangings. There are 3 hangings, one of a giant purple tapestry with an 8x8 display of golden Om symbols. The second, a Mantra with green, yellow, red, and of orange like Abigail’s old dress. The last one was a scarf but I still hung it up. The Om symbol was once again all over the scarf, but the outlining words surrounding them, was what was important. The words were written in Hindi, हे राम, “Hey Ram.” Oh God! These were the last words of Mahatma Gandhi.
“This looks amazing Tommy, It’s Great!”
That’s all I could think, Hey Ram…
We stared at eachother when we sat on my futon. I laid back and looked at her dress. Shes beautiful, and I don’t know what to do anymore. The trees gently blow in the background, as I watch the clouds go by. We migrate to the front porch, and bask in the sun. The light of the sun is being dragged behind the cloud; her hair is like a wave of amber….
“Tommy, I love you.” “I love you too Abigail”. The door opens; a man stumbles across the floor and sits down in the chair next to my futon. The black silk duvet is covering Abigail and I. “I am soo drunk, Ryans got my keys.” This would happen to me I say to myself. Her soft leg moves across mine, and nudges me, little pricks from the hair tickle me. “I know.” I gently whisper to her. This is the first time she said she loved me, I died on the inside; I am the happiest man in the world. Im free falling in my own bed. The rest of the guys show up soon after, they exlaim their drunken adventures and their desire for food to quench them. I stare at her eyes, and I want nothing more than to be alone with her. The room door is now kicked in, the handle broken. My roomate has broken the door. “I’m going to leave.” “Please, don’t,” I whimper as she stands up and goes to her room. Her amber waves wave goodbye to me as she leaves. The next day we made love, and the day after. I was euphoric, as the sun would touch my face with rolling clouds. I could remember watching the sunrise from her bed, staring at her while she is still asleep, the sun gently kissing her hair.
“Tommy! Look!” as she pointed at the rabbit I had been watching. “ What should we call him!” “George?” “No! Bunny FuFu!” “Who is Bunny FuFu?” “That’s Bunny FuFu” she points at the rabbit again. He’s still George to me. He continues to eat the daisy he has picked up, as the sun starts to set. “You look great, what are you all dressed up for?” “Im going on a date.” As my heart sinks in again, some sort of indignation makes this moment last forever. I am still in love, and always will be. “Can he pick me up here?” what kind of a question is that? Ask me if this new man can come to steal you from me? “Yeah sure I really don’t care,” This was some good news, I realized she had to come here when she was done, but realized the folly of my conscious thought after thinking of it.
“Don’t hate me.” I zone out “I’m sorry, what did you say?” “Tommy, Please don’t hate me” She said as she walked away to the boys car. I am shaking, anxious, bewildered, and now this chasm has fully engulfed my heart. He waves at me, he is the valet boy shes been hanging out with at her work.
“So you’re Tommy, Abby has been talking all about you.” The man says as he shakes my hand. He is very tall and muscular, the security guard is a proper job for him. “I’m guessing your Papa Frank.” “That’s what they seem to like to call me.” “She talks about you all the time, glad I finally get to meet you.” “Likewise sir.” As I move to shake the valet boys hand….
The hearts on my phone are still intact, and the green message on the inside of my phone looks back “You’re the Absolute Best.”
Willowwind is looking back at me, this brick red house is still warm from the little sun it has recieved. A firefly is right in front of me. The delicate bug lies next to me on the stump, glowing, without a care in the world.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Theres comes a point in a man’s life. Where we have lost every desire to live. Many have come to this point more than once… The central roles that others play end, and have left us. When the quiet appreciation of this nature eludes us. Leaving me in indignation. I cling, to nothing, and only think of how things could end. When I desire to leap off the nearest building to feel the wind, gush past my face and finally witness the real end to anguish.
Perchance, to finally dream true. To the place where I can finally lay quiet. I want to be there now. Far away from my present self. For anything, can be better than this. To the day where I was happy, when I was in love. Cared for, and people would be willing to do anything to help me. Where have they gone? My hands have nothing left to give, for I have given it my most, yet I still hold what I had before, ready when the words are said. My unrequited love to the beauty of others, and yet with these moral teachings. I sit here, anxious, bewildered, depressed, and no desire to live.
I want to hear my bells toll, thay day that I die, to hear the crying of somone, for somone to cry for me. One last time. For, will everything be alright? Will I hold somone again like I once did you? When I was alive, when I still held the flowers for you and they were not gasping for life on the floor. I feel for those flowers. Their inability to speak, only to be looked upon. When I see beauty and the reality of the universe, you see nothing but me and my futile attempt to mend what I have lost.
I don’t want to be anymore, I would die if I see you, but I’ll die if I don’t. Despite your hate and supposed ideas of Love and care for me. You are not here! You promised to help me, to come and listen to my story! To save me from this pit full of evil shadows that wish to consume me. To leave me like them, dark and scared. Save me from the darkest place in the universe, save me from my mind and prove to me that the impossibilities of the universe are possible. Yet, you love him… And leave me behind.
Do not cry for my death, for who will hold you then? The man who took you from me!? Do not speak of my name, for where were you when I would scream your name to the heavens until it became gutteral with sobs of vain and despair! I screamed your name, and cursed this existence, cried out to god. Save me! SAVE ME FROM MYSELF GOD, I cannot breath. NO MORE GOD! Please! Save me!
But there was no answer. Just me. Just me.
My hand seeming broken, I walked past the green river, while the fireflies still wandered by, to the swingsets I had called my home. I want to swing rythmically forever. So I may not care. To let the wind flow past my face. For life, is like a swing. Pushing, Pulling. Up, and Down. While the stars, were matched by the fireflies below me, where each more was closer to each. For I, am in Limbo. No Job, no school, no loved ones to talk to. And no god. My closest friends, I hoped, were the stars and fireflies that watched me go.
I walked to the store for a pack of solitude, I had run out.
You know those are bad for you,
You don’t seem to be helping me out much,
Doesn’t mean that they are good for you,
Well they are here for me when I need them,
They cost money you know?
Lifes short, spend what you can. You havent been there for me. You’re the one who makes me do this.
Why’s that?
You mess with me, make me think things will work. Make me believe in the Impossible.
Im back home, walking up the stairs I had felt that morning when Abigail had walked behind me. To hear her footsteps. Sometimes, I dream.
My legs and chest are warm, my arms ache yet, it was for love. I smell her hair, feel the curves of her body, and kiss her back. Tasting the slightly salty kiss back of her skin. “Goodmorning Abigail.” “Goodmorning,” she would say, as she smiled back with those blue spheres that I could die in. Gently kissing me on the lips, holding onto my head. “What do you want for breakfast?” “Surprise me,” as she leaned towards me and kissed me again. I did not wan’t to leave this bed. I wanted to rest here forever, the soft matress holding me in silent equilibrium. My flowers were staring back at me that I had picked for her the last night. I started to cry, yet I continued to the kitchen.
I made eggs, I had made them for her 2 days before, “Tommy that’s Amazing! Its perfectly round! How did you do it…” “I’m the worlds greatest Chef!” I said as I tipped my imaginary hat towards her. “NO! How did you do it!” she played. “ Haha, I’ll show you one day,” my smile was touching both of my ears. I left to the room with Hibiscus Flowers. The soft, water rushed past my face, I hear the soft creak of the door. The curtain opens and she is standing there. Her soft body is the only thing in the world I see. The orange flower of her hip, the waves of her hair, and her shaved legs. She starts to walk up as I extend my had towards her. There is a mirror behind her as her hair moves past it.
“NOOO!” I scream, “ NOOOOOO!” I slip out of the shower and hold the mirror. I’m crying, screaming, somebody hear me. She is in the shower, she is with the boy. Laughing, and holding him. “NO! GO AWAY!” I punch the mirror, it wont break, I keep punching the mirror, My hands are cut with glass, yet the mirror is still there unbroken, they are kissing. It wont go away, “Please go away!” I sob. Please, go away.
My pillow is wet, I have been crying in my sleep. My housemate is staring at me, he had woken me up. “You alright Tommy? You were screaming? Whats wrong?” “Nothing, Im fine.” “Abigail?” “ Yeah…”