Banditos

[Hawkman]

Astride a stolen horse he sits
festooned with bandoliers
a rusty rifle points at us
and wickedly he leers.

Behind him, his compadres
form up loosely to his rear,
they’ve one gold tooth between them
and they all have ragged ears.

He says he is official
and he owns these troubled lands
so we must pay the forfeit,
with our lives if he demands.

He asks us what we’re doing here,
we say, “To see old Brock,
we’re devotees of ‘Springwatch’,
though Bill Oddie weren’t much cop”.

To me he don’t look kosher
so I ask to see his badge
and mockingly he laughs and says,

“Badgers?
We don’t need no stinking Badgers!”



Notes for non UK nationals:

Brock – old country term for Badger.
“Springwatch” – BBC TV, live wildlife watching show.
Bill Oddie - 1960’s and 70’s Radio and TV comedy performer and original host and instigator of, ‘Springwatch’.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Although I liked the whole of this, this verse



Behind him, his compadres
form up loosely to his rear,
they’ve one gold tooth between them
and they all have ragged ears.

struck me as sheer comic genius!

[hillwalker]

Hilarious, Hawk.
Here was I waiting for Zorro to make his mark, and instead it's Kate Humble's fan club (or should that be posse?) that puts in an appearance.
Brilliant. And very up to the minute now that badger-culling is about to start (in Pembrokeshire, I believe).

[Hawkman]

Thanks Prince,

It stimulated a self-indulgent giggle when I wrote it. Glad you liked it.

Thanks hill,

I've never met the delightful mistress Humble, although I did meet Chris Packham at last year's festival of falconry where I filmed him giving a talk to school kids. I had heard that culling was to be allowed soon but was unsure when or where.

Rather than Zorro, you should have been expecting Humphry Bogart!

Best, H

[Bar22do]

When I think you promised

"something really awful that you can tear to pieces!"

while you're writing rugged, unbreakable, indestructible pieces - boisterously merry with that (ah, thanks for the notes for non-British).
So you'd better buy yourself that sun-screen lotion (preferably without parabens!) you threatened you should - but beware, as you're basking (and drunken) in praise rays, I will patiently look for imperfections, he he... and then you'll need a ceramic shield at least against my blows (not a mere badge, even cosher...)!

So for the time being - :cheers2: - Thanks - Bar

[lallison]

This is great. i thought of "Treasure of Sierra Nevada" long before the punch line, and i agree with PM about the brilliance of the second stanza. That was a sheer delight to read. I had to look up your allusions to get your meaning, don't watch much TV, much less BBC nature programs. We do, certainly, need stinking badgers, and skunks too, now that you mention it! Louisiana marsh lands would be nice too, but I guess you can't have everything. : ( Anyhow, thanks for the smile. Great poem, enjoyed it!

[Hawkman]

Sweet Bar, what can I say? Other than thanks and to place an order for a cartload of sun block :D As for the parabens, I'm beyond preserving, save for pickling in alcohol, which seems to be my father's mission. He swears by it and he has a point, he's pushing 90! I'll try and blag a surplus heat shield from NASA as a protection from the potential of your villifiaction of my failure, should I fail to live up to expectations... ;)

lall,

Thankyou kindly and I'm happy to have been able to entertain you. (I love that film by the way) I understand it is not advisable to paddle in Louisiana Marshes, owing to the danger of losing vital portions of anatomy to itinerant alligators!

Cheers, H

[Delta40]

I love the second stanza too. That no good dirty rascal image cast me back to the cheap dubbed westerns I watched as a child.

Bill Oddie was a shock!

[Hawkman]

I love the second stanza too. That no good dirty rascal image cast me back to the cheap dubbed westerns I watched as a child.

Bill Oddie was a shock!

Hi D40 and thanks, glad you liked the ditty.

Not sure why you are shocked by Bill though :)

He was a great commedian when he was doing his thing, and the idea of springwatch is pretty good. but personally I found his presenting style a bit too much "Look at the fluffy bunny", and not enough, "look at the pesky vermin", if you get my drift?

He appears to have been ousted from the programme in some kind of internal production coup as he seems to have upset the wrong people.

Anyway, best, H