Urban Fox

[Hawkman]

Sitting at a pavement café, playing chess with Death
(who cheats, by the way)
I see an urban fox and catch my breath.

I am lost.

Her hair is raven dark, blue-black shining,
with brows that accent
smouldering, deep-lashed eyes.
Sheer black stockings on shapely legs
demurely crossed at ankles,
terminate in patent black stilettos.
An inverted rosebud of black skirt,
white blouse and trimly tailored jacket;
could she be a lawyer?
Blood red lips in secret smile,
a perfect cupid bow on alabaster flesh,
she sips, knowingly, at her cappuccino.

Who is that, I ask the shade,
for ultimately he knows everyone.
Oh, that’s fate, says Death.

[hillwalker]

I've only skimmed my eyes across this Hawk and already I am mesmerised. This has to be the best poem of yours I've read hereand that is saying something.
An absolute gem.

H

[Bar22do]

Sitting at a pavement café, playing chess with Death
(who cheats, by the way)
I see an urban fox and catch my breath.

I am lost.

Her hair is raven dark, blue-black shining,
with brows that accent
smouldering, deep-lashed eyes.
Sheer black stockings on shapely legs
demurely crossed at ankles,
terminate in patent black stilettos.
An inverted rosebud of black skirt,
white blouse and trimly tailored jacket;
could she be a lawyer?
Blood red lips in secret smile,
a perfect cupid bow on alabaster flesh,
she sips, knowingly, at her cappuccino.

Who is that, I ask the shade,
for ultimately he knows everyone.
Oh, that’s fate, says Death.

As it happens, synchronically I've just written a piece called "In the City" dealing with death and fate!, now dull to me (and I'll wait with posting it for a while!) after I've read your brilliant urban fox!
For it's a perfection, hawk!
Oh, and just as well, you have given us the clue: Death cheats, by the way, so maybe also when he answers, at the end. ;) which would then be a great deception for you, wouldn't it?

[PrinceMyshkin]

What a collision at the end when this ravishing woman's true nature is revealed - or as Bar observed, is Death cheating here too? - the eternal conflict between our most highly coloured visions and their possible dark underpinnings (no pun intended).

[Alexander III]

I agree with Hill out of your poems, in my opinion this is your greatest

The last stanza is perfect, make sure not to make alterations it it, leave it as it is.

[Hawkman]

Hi hill,

I am both gratified and surprised that you rate it so highly, so thanks very much. I’ve been writing myself out of the curse (with one terrible and two mildly amusing little jots) to get to this, which I thought passable and worthy of sharing. Something a bit different, I thought.

Sweet Bar,

Generous again with fulsome praise! If I continue to bask in it I’ll either have to start using sun block or write and post something really awful that you can tear to pieces! I feel guilty now for being responsible for the self-perceived diminishment of one of your own poems, so sorry for that. ;) As for death’s cheating, well, I’ll leave readers to draw their own conclusions… Thanks again.

My Prince,

Thank you for your observations. Hmmm… Dark underpinnings? I take it you’re referring to her stockinged legs… :D

Alexander III

Thank you very much, and rest assured I have no intention of making changes.

Thanks to all of you for your comments and appreciation.

Live and be well - H

[krymsonkyng]

I'll throw my hat in with the cheering crowds. Standing ovation for this one Hawkman.

[Jesterhead]

I thought this was a very enjoyable piece, well done Hawkman, very original.

[_Shannon_]

I dunno.....a lawyer...... in patent black stilettos?:confused:

And how is her smile secret if you are telling the reader about it from the point of one observing her??

I also really don't like the use of "fox" here...It just comes off, well, so guy....1970's guy at that....isn't there another, better, less cliched animal which might suit?

[Hawkman]

krymsonkyng & Jesterhead, thank you both. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Shannon,

So, you don’t like stilettos, well, sorry but ‘court shoes’ doesn’t scan or maybe you’d prefer she wore trainers – oh, sorry, I guess that’s too nineties…

A secret smile, what’s wrong with that. You can always see if someone is smiling, the reason is the secret.

I am not inclined to apologise for my gender, or for taking pleasure in the idea of a beautiful woman; and why should the use of the word ‘fox’ in this context be limited to association with the 1970’s?

I can assure you that the term is still alive and kicking, besides, the connotation of the Urban Fox is quite apposite. I guess you only get Raccoons in your bins.

In Japanese folk tales a woman described as a fox was a sorceress. Does this mean that only medieval Japanese writers should be allowed to refer to it?

Thanks for your observations. H

[_Shannon_]

I just think that if you're going to ask is she might be a lawyer---that the stilettos don't work. So one or the other needs to go, in my opinion. Lawyer would wear pumps...or flats...never patent leather stilettos. Why is the line about her potentially being a lawyer important?

Ah--yes...I can see that about the reason for her smile being secret...I didn't understand.

I dunno--if you want to use cliches to write you are absolutely free to do so...I just think another image would make your poem better. That's my opinion--which you are 100% absolutely free to reject.

I have no issue with beauty, seductive beauty, or the writing about them. I just think if you're going to write a poem about it, it'd be a better and stronger poem not to use an overused term to describe it--unless the fact that it is an overused term is important to the poem. With this poem, it doesn't seem essential, and I personally think it'd be a stronger poem using a different metaphor.

[Buh4Bee]

Besides the lawyer part, it's great. Maybe she could be a nurse or better yet a doctor.

[Hawkman]

The nature of the lawyer reference is idle speculation by the narrator. It amounts to little more than a throwaway remark. As it is made clear in the poem that she is not, the relevant accuracy of describing the footwear appropriate to a profession becomes academic. In my experience, contemporary women dressed smartly, if severely, in black and white suits, tend to be solicitors or in some way associated with the legal profession. For my narrator the same applies. It is a generalised impression, but ultimately irrelevant.

Yes, I’m deliberately using clichés, but they are clichés with a subtext. (see my reference to foxes and sorceresses in Japanese folk tales.) There are many clichés in the poem: playing chess with death, the urban fox, alabaster flesh, blood red lips. They are universal signifiers, immediately understood by the reader.

Poetry is not just about obscure metaphors; it is also about communicating ideas recognisable to the reader and in such a short poem I feel fully justified in playing with them. It is in the nature of the narrative employing and relating the clichés and in the ambiguity of the ending and in what is left unsaid that deeper meaning may be found.

The reader is free to like it or not, depending on their taste.

Regards, H

[Hawkman]

jersea, Thanks but the speculation as to profession is really irrelevant. She could be anything, but she is what she is. ;) I'm glad you liked it anyway. Best, H

[Lumiere]

I was slightly irked at the description of the woman until the end; I thought it was just going to be a very prettily composed ode to the rapture of this beautiful woman, this "urban fox"; I thought you were setting up and ideal, and I didn't particularly like the ideal you were setting up.

Reading the final stanza, I immediately recognized her as exactly what Death identified her as: fate. That's what she looks like.

And I love the bit about Death always cheating.

[Hawkman]

Reading the final stanza, I immediately recognized her as exactly what Death identified her as: fate. That's what she looks like.

I see you've met her! :D



And I love the bit about Death always cheating.

You can't cheat a cheater...

Best, H

[qimissung]

Just one word for you, Hawkman: brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! OK, three words.

[lallison]

fun little poem personifying death and fate. You could have given her a bunch of thread and scissors like the Greeks did, but I like high heels and stockings better. I guess some have better fates than others. How about throwing in time and maybe even courage, love, and work and writing an entire drama? Creative, effectively descriptive, and well written. lal

[Hawkman]

qim, regardless of their number, the words are all welcome. Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

lall, greetings and thank you too. I did toy with giving her some knitting but the potential image of a latter day M. Defrage recording the victims of M. Guillotine was a little too wild for my purpose. ;) A capuccino seemed more appropriate. Should you wish to read one of my dramas feel free to check out, "The Tale of Mr. Mac" in the short stories thread. Glad you enjoyed the fun.

Best, H

[AuntShecky]

Interesting premise -- Fate as seductress (or vamp.)
I wonder if your opening image -- playing Chess w. death
was at all influenced by the seminal Bergman film.

[Hawkman]

Hi Auntie,

yes, of course it was. This has become one of the most iconic images of 20th C cinema and subsequently parrodied mercilessly. It is a delightful cliche which I have been more than happy to exploit.

H