Friendly Fire

[hillwalker]

FRIENDLY FIRE

An adolescent terrorist
in baggy pants
and bulky top
I even have my suicide bomb
strapped around my waist

Maintaining human contact
as I press the priming button
probe the padding on my flesh
to test how deep beneath the surface
are my bones today.

I sense this bloated body armour
part of me since birth
expanding out of all proportion
gloating under water
as I try to wipe away
this puckered skin
this cold, revulsive tissue.

Ha! Ha!
I halted womanhood
I shot her down
I stopped her in her tracks
but still her armies march

No one can understand
this war I wage
each thought a battle zone from when I wake
how much today
how many calories
how many enemies
can I eliminate

My mirror is my only ally
truth be told it tells it all
it sees me as I really am
a freedom fighter
fingers just one flinch away
from weapons of my mass destruction

[PrinceMyshkin]

Scary as hell and done without one syllable of mocking the point of view of your protagonist. I would never have expected to read the thoughts of a suicide bomber/'martyr' and feel empathy with him!

[_Shannon_]

As someone who has both been pregnant as a perpetual state of being--and then struggled to lose weight after pregnancy...this really resonated with me.

Can you explain more to me about The halted womanhood part??

[Lumiere]

As someone who has both been pregnant as a perpetual state of being--and then struggled to lose weight after pregnancy...this really resonated with me.

Can you explain more to me about The halted womanhood part??

Hope you don't mind me jumping in, Hill; and do correct me if this misses the mark.

I think "halted womanhood" refers to stopping short the natural development of a girl's body into a woman's. (If an adolescent girl becomes severely underweight, she stops having her cycle, stops developing, etc.)

HILL: My "favorite" bit is about seeing how far beneath the bones are today. That image got me thinking.

[hillwalker]

@Prince - well I'm pleased you felt empathy for the narrator (who is actually a she..... read on for more clues!)

@Shannon - lumiere has 99% of the answer.....

Spot on lumiere -

It's actually a poem about anorexia......

but of course can also work quite adequately as a description of a 'suicide bomber'

Thanks guys and gal for your responses.

H

[_Shannon_]

Thanks--I thought that was it...but wanted to make sure :)

[_Shannon_]

Wanted to also add that I like the metaphor--because both are about attaining a sense of power (no matter the self-destruction involved) in situations where people feel powerless.

[hillwalker]

Thanks again, Shannon. You have hit the nail on the head.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Wanted to also add that I like the metaphor--because both are about attaining a sense of power (no matter the self-destruction involved) in situations where people feel powerless.

On the contrary, I felt stupid when anorexia was revealed as the alternate or preferred reading of the poem, and perhaps defensively I argued to Hillwalker that when two quite dissimilar readings are possible, there ought to be the implication that the two phenomena have something in common. It's a given, I think, that poetry often offers the juxtaposition of two seemingly unrelated phenomena. And albeit I've never been pregnant, I found your justification a long reach.

[_Shannon_]

On the contrary, I felt stupid when anorexia was revealed as the alternate or preferred reading of the poem, and perhaps defensively I argued to Hillwalker that when two quite dissimilar readings are possible, there ought to be the implication that the two phenomena have something in common. It's a given, I think, that poetry often offers the juxtaposition of two seemingly unrelated phenomena. And albeit I've never been pregnant, I found your justification a long reach.

But my dear Prince--you have the...uhhh.... drawback? of not being a woman. :kiss: I deeply understand viewing body size as a war....

[hillwalker]

Spoken like a true freedom fighter!!!!!

[blank|verse]

Personally, I don't think this is one of your stronger poems, hillwalker.

The main issue is that I don't hear the narrator's voice come through - I hear the intrusive voice of the clever poet trying to play games with his readers. The poem reads too much like a 'guessing game'. (And to be honest, I thought the narrator was obese or pregnant.)

The narrator's voice is also somewhat unconvincing if she's supposed to be an extremely introverted, enervated anorexic. People who don't eat tend not to have much energy for anger.

There's also not much poetry going on beyond the too-obvious conceit and a bit of repetition; the lines are just cut-up prose.

And apart from the obvious differences, I think it's quite trite to conflate anorexia with terrorism, which leaves a rather sour taste after reading.

So all in all, not my favourite one of yours!

[hillwalker]

Hi bv - thanks for your crit. I gather from the exclamation mark at the end of it that you don't particularly like this poem, for a number of reasons.
Forgive me for responding at such length but I always respect your comments so feel they deserve taking seriously.....

If I might first refer to your questioning the state of mind of an anorexic -

"if she's supposed to be an extremely introverted, enervated anorexic. People who don't eat tend not to have much energy for anger"

For most girls who choose to focus obsessively on their body image to the point at which they develop anorexia ('body dysmorphic disorder') it is very much a battle. A battle of wills between hunger and the choice to deprive herself of food, between familial pressure to eat and her willpower to starve. It becomes her mission to resist all those dissenters who would deny her the right to stand for her cause or who wish to convert her into a normal eater.
If you think I'm painting a rather over-dramatic picture check some of the more radical websites that actually promote anorexia (Pro-ana websites) - giving advice to impressionable young girls on how to 'become anorexic' and starve themselves to a skeleton.

So I make no excuses for littering my poem with terms that could equally apply to would-be terrorists. The terminology can certainly be utilised to describe both without making too great an imaginative leap.

BUT the fact remains that this poem was written about anorexia. And I surmise the issue you are most unhappy with is the emotive subject of terrorism being used as a glib metaphor for something more mundane. It certainly could be considered taboo to suggest anything remotely linked to fundamentalism might also be applicable to more 'normal' aspects of day-to-day life. I do not deny that it was a risky metaphor on which to hang an entire poem, but there are enough clues in the piece to make most readers look twice. To ask themselves 'Hang on, is this really about a suicide bomber?'

And you are right, there was a degree of intentional trickery here. leading the reader on to believe the poem is about one thing when it's actually about something completely different. It's called metaphor - and perhaps I took it a step too far for most readers' sensibilities.
But if I had titled the poem 'Anorexia' would it really have made the exercise more palatable to the reader? I would rather take a risk and provoke a negative response than play safe and suffer obsequious silence. Perhaps that is me being unforgiveably vain.....

As for the literary merits (or lack of) -

"not much poetry going on beyond the too-obvious conceit and a bit of repetition; the lines are just cut-up prose."

I agree with you. There is hardly anything that could be classed as poetical in the piece. It was intended to come across as a sparse, emotionless manifesto of what it is to be an anorexic in the advanced stages of the illness. To make it more lyrical, or palatable, would have diminished much of its impact.

But I have no problems with you sharing your opinions - and I always welcome your responses as you know well enough by now. So thanks again for at least entering into the dialogue: of what makes us write poetry in the first place, and how sometimes our creativity runs against our better judgement.

H