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Khe Iem
06-06-2010, 12:18 PM
Young Woman

By Khe Iem

hair

tangled; eyes
drowsy

mirror, comb
dressing table and chair

illuminating warm blues and golds

a silent love

suppressed beyond the front door

Bar22do
06-06-2010, 04:16 PM
a little enigmatic to me, sad too if I caught the atmosphere... welcome here (well by me at least, for it's the first time I see you're posting) - and good luck! Bar

hillwalker
06-06-2010, 04:28 PM
A very simple, enigmatic poem catching perfectly the drowsy atmosphere of a lady's boudoir. Good work.

PrinceMyshkin
06-06-2010, 05:42 PM
The last line introduces an interesting note of mystery to this.

I don't understand why "rays of" is in parentheses?

jaguar12345
06-06-2010, 10:36 PM
Very eecummings-esque. Perfectly captured the moment, that single passing moment, much like a fine haiku.

MorpheusSandman
06-06-2010, 11:11 PM
Yeah, I was thinking this was very haiku-ish myself. That kind of poetry where what's left unsaid and suggested is even more powerful than the exact words said.

Khe Iem
06-07-2010, 01:22 AM
Thanks for all of you. I just edit it. Hope it is better. Khe Iem

Hawkman
06-07-2010, 04:12 AM
I love the economy of expression and I echo Morpheus in that I feel the power of what is left unsaid. I'm not sure about the spacing though. For me it interrupted the flow of images.

"hair
tangled; eyes
drowsy

mirror, comb
dressing table and chair
illuminating warm blues and golds

a silent love
suppressed beyond the front door."

is just a suggestion.

Best, H

Khe Iem
06-07-2010, 11:44 PM
Thanks, Hawkman.

The story is: the young lady gets up and makes up in the morning.

She has a husband but she has been in love with somebody in the past. She still remember that "silent love" and try to forget it (suppressed it beyond the front door).