Morning walk

[Delta40]

along the windy path
in the silouhette of dawn
black tapioca beads
pepper green lawn

where the vermin flourish
always in the dark
where the children play
chasey in the park

furry flopsy ears
through the mist scurry
dodging nike sneakers
walking in a hurry.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Perhaps it was these lines


where the vermin flourish
always in the dark

that led me to expect something more ominous at the end, or did you intend that reference to "hurry" to signify that they intuited some danger?

[blank|verse]

I agree with Prince - I enjoyed the poem but thought it couldn't make up its mind what it wanted to be.

The introduction of the 'vermin' is quite a powerful image; but as this is followed by the children playing and the 'furry flopsy ears' of the last stanza, it leaves me a bit undecided about it. Still, there are some good moments here.

(+ Typo: silhouette)

[Delta40]

you could be right. I guess I was thinking about cute fluffy rabbits combined with what filthy vermin they are and how to reconcile it.

[hillwalker]

Very much a poem of two halves. The first verse is a magnificent start to what I thought was going to be an evocatively descriptive piece.
The abrupt change of mood half way through the second verse to a rather sickly, sweet image of kiddies and bunnies left me feeling a little cheated.
??
H

[Hawkman]

Hi D40, As I belong to the Global fraternity of falconers and general county/country types I had absolutely no no problem with interpreting this poem as you intended. To me Bunnies are either me food or hawk food. Everyone I know who has horses, loaths the little blighters because of the holes they dig, a perpetual hazard leading to equine injury.

I think your poem is rather a neat, light-hearted villification of the demon bunny. I enjoyed it. H

[Delta40]

thanks Hawk. When I lived in UK as a child, my father used to trap rabbits for dinner but in Australia, I don't think you can due to health regulations. They're everywhere....
I loved the book Watership Down though.

[MorpheusSandman]

I actually kinda like the tonal dynamic here. Rather evocative in the first, ominous in the second, happy/positive in the third. It briskly takes us through three different emotions using similar imagery.