Consequence and Revolt

[Revolte]

Profit off misery
and let color go bland,
so when it's all over
we'll hold dust in our hands,
we'll cry for the dead
and the ones we looked past
and never again
let our black hearts beat crass.

[Hawkman]

Hi Revolte.

Whilst I agree with the sentiment of this poem I would suggest that in the first line you change off to from. I'm afraid I have a bit of a problem with the last line from a grammatical stand point. By rights it should be crassly which of course you can't use because of your rhyming scheme.

"let our crass hearts beat fast"

is a suggestion close to the spirit of your poem but it is only a suggestion, so feel free to disregard it. Down with Gordon Gecko!

Best H

[Revolte]

Hi Revolte.

Whilst I agree with the sentiment of this poem I would suggest that in the first line you change off to from. I'm afraid I have a bit of a problem with the last line from a grammatical stand point. By rights it should be crassly which of course you can't use because of your rhyming scheme.

"let our crass hearts beat fast"

is a suggestion close to the spirit of your poem but it is only a suggestion, so feel free to disregard it. Down with Gordon Gecko!

Best H

lol nah have a whirl at destroying this one, I just threw down random thoughts and thought it would be fun to watch what people say. muahahhaha