From a recent Picture Poetry Contest

[Pendragon]

The windows of the soul are outlined in kohl,
Blue shining stars in the universe of her lovely countenance
Shyly she hides behind the mystery of those eyes—
The longing sketched upon her face, the promise of true love
It seems so surreal that I sometimes wonder if this fair one is real
And waiting for me just behind the tapestry of the palms
It really sometimes seems, that it all is just a passing dream—
Dreams have a way of coming true and my true one waits…

Pendragon
© April 9, 2010

[lallison]

Hi Pen,

I think you've got some great imagery in this one.

Blue shining stars in the universe of her lovely countenance
Shyly she hides behind the mystery of those eyes—
This is great, it's as if she is one of the great and beautiful mysteries of the universe.

And waiting for me just behind the tapestry of the palms
this is another great one.

A couple of line's I thought were a bit too quirky and don't hold up well in the shadow of those great ones. Here's an example:

It seems so surreal that I sometimes wonder if this fair one is real This seems kind of corny. There are no images here, and the rhyme of surreal and real seems like your using the same word to rhyme with itself. Also, "fair one" sounds a bit old fashion.

But on the whole, its a nice poem and reworking a line or two could make it into a great poem. lal

[Bar22do]

I like your poem Pendragon with its high moments, its romanticism and lyricism.
I'm in favour of losing the very last line which to me spoils the rest a bit, but it might be only my personal taste (and perhaps it is...!)
Saluti for this one, and bst rgds to you - be well - Bar