Biggus
06-04-2010, 10:04 AM
sex and relationships # 3
WHIRLWIND ROMANCE
A woman is like a hurricane
Whether your partner or your spouse
When she comes she’s hot and wet
When she leaves she takes half the house
DO YOU REMEMBER THE TWENTY FIRST OF SEPTEMBER?
Do you remember the twenty first of September?
A very special date is it not?
It’s our wedding anniversary you idiot
And should never be forgot
PLAYING DRESS UP
To surprise her husband and add some spice
She dressed in tight black leather Basque
Six-inch stilettos heels, black stockings
Black garter belt and a leather mask
When he walked through the door he said
“Oi Batman what’s for dinner may I ask”?
BEACH ETIQUETTE
A naked man sunbathing at the beach
In order to preserve his dignity
And protect it from the sun
Placed his hat over his thingamy
A passing woman smiled and said
“A gentleman would lift his hat for a lady”
He replied “If you get your kit off
Madam it will raise itself, maybe”
FRIENDSHIP DEFINED
The definition of a real friend
Is someone who would never let a girlfriend
Drink to such excess that they will try
To have sex with a very ugly guy
NEVER JUDGE A BOOK
There is much more to a woman
Than what she can put on show
There is more in the emporium
Than there is in the shop window
Like an expensive Champagne
That a Lambrusco will out fizzle
A woman displaying all her assets
Is invariably all sausage and no sizzle
It’s the homely types that most excite
Hiding their figure neath frumpy dress
Shy and modest to the outside world
It’s the quiet ones who most impress
Beneath sober dress they burn hottest
Much hotter than the most brazen vamp
And when you get them alone they turn
From prim librarian into wanton tramp
LESS IS MORE
You don’t need to be frumpy
But I don’t want brassy
There’s no need to dress like my aunty
But I’m not looking for flashy
I don’t want to see everything
So don’t put it all on display
You don’t need to be obvious
I have an imagination, ok?
I don’t want to see it all
On display in the window
You don’t need to go in the shop
When everything is on show
You can allude to what you have
Without putting it all on display
But I don’t want to see it all
Save something for a rainy day
IN THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY
If you are the sort of woman who believes
Life is too short to dance with ugly men
Then you almost certainly believe
It’s too short to have sex with them
Just remember that when you get drunk
There are no ugly men to offend you
And I bet you’ve never bedded an ugly man
But I’m sure you’ve woken up with a few
WHIRLWIND ROMANCE
A woman is like a hurricane
Whether your partner or your spouse
When she comes she’s hot and wet
When she leaves she takes half the house
DO YOU REMEMBER THE TWENTY FIRST OF SEPTEMBER?
Do you remember the twenty first of September?
A very special date is it not?
It’s our wedding anniversary you idiot
And should never be forgot
PLAYING DRESS UP
To surprise her husband and add some spice
She dressed in tight black leather Basque
Six-inch stilettos heels, black stockings
Black garter belt and a leather mask
When he walked through the door he said
“Oi Batman what’s for dinner may I ask”?
BEACH ETIQUETTE
A naked man sunbathing at the beach
In order to preserve his dignity
And protect it from the sun
Placed his hat over his thingamy
A passing woman smiled and said
“A gentleman would lift his hat for a lady”
He replied “If you get your kit off
Madam it will raise itself, maybe”
FRIENDSHIP DEFINED
The definition of a real friend
Is someone who would never let a girlfriend
Drink to such excess that they will try
To have sex with a very ugly guy
NEVER JUDGE A BOOK
There is much more to a woman
Than what she can put on show
There is more in the emporium
Than there is in the shop window
Like an expensive Champagne
That a Lambrusco will out fizzle
A woman displaying all her assets
Is invariably all sausage and no sizzle
It’s the homely types that most excite
Hiding their figure neath frumpy dress
Shy and modest to the outside world
It’s the quiet ones who most impress
Beneath sober dress they burn hottest
Much hotter than the most brazen vamp
And when you get them alone they turn
From prim librarian into wanton tramp
LESS IS MORE
You don’t need to be frumpy
But I don’t want brassy
There’s no need to dress like my aunty
But I’m not looking for flashy
I don’t want to see everything
So don’t put it all on display
You don’t need to be obvious
I have an imagination, ok?
I don’t want to see it all
On display in the window
You don’t need to go in the shop
When everything is on show
You can allude to what you have
Without putting it all on display
But I don’t want to see it all
Save something for a rainy day
IN THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY
If you are the sort of woman who believes
Life is too short to dance with ugly men
Then you almost certainly believe
It’s too short to have sex with them
Just remember that when you get drunk
There are no ugly men to offend you
And I bet you’ve never bedded an ugly man
But I’m sure you’ve woken up with a few