Another Journey Across the Sky

[BienvenuJDC]

Each night as the ball retires
Into the sea of waves
The boiling cauldron it becomes
Another world it paves

Without its guidance way up there
There needs to be another
Not as big or illuminating
But maybe a little brother

The lunar friend that we have
Bears many different faces
Some nights it is a smile alone
Without light for some dark places

Some say that he is made of cheese
Then others make reference to a man
You can lay below on beaches so
But you will never get a tan

As this one travels in the path
Effects are great and small
The tides are up and down by him
And he changes the moods of all

From east to west he does abound
Making romantic walks each night
But sometimes his sense of humor
Sends people full of fright

We all will share this sibling so
Ev'n though hidden he may be
He is the our guidance by the night
So in the dark we all may see

[PrinceMyshkin]

A touch too sing-songy for me, too aware that it's a capital P Poem.

[hillwalker]

Some very deft touches - and a joy to read. But I think you have tried to cover too many of the moon's attributes in one poem.

Its place in the night sky, the turning of the tides and man's close relationship with the moon as his guiding light are well thought out themes and nicely described. But I could have done without verse 4 since it detracts from the charm of the piece - and perhaps the rest might be better if condensed into fewer, more compact stanzas.

[MorpheusSandman]

For me, it's not so much the sing-song quality that doesn't work but the frequently faltering meter. Sometimes you slip into ballad/common meter (tetrameter/trimeter) and others are straight tetrameter. I always say this, but when you use couplets you have to be in complete control of the meter and rhythm and you can't ever have the "close enough" attitude and hope it works. Like I said about your sun poem I naturally like pieces that evoke the constants of nature, but I think to devote a whole poem JUST to them stretches the reader's patience a bit. It's better to relate them to something more human.