Map-Reading

[hillwalker]

MAP-READING

I was searching for her G-spot
so I started at the mouth

She told me to go tenderly
a little further South

But after countless cul-de-sacs
she kicked me out of bed

I wish I’d used my Sat-Nav now
and binned the A-to-Zed.

[Delta40]

ha ha! very funny hillwalker. A good GPS will never let you down!

[PrinceMyshkin]

About time we had a bit of smut on here! Very funny, thanks

[MorpheusSandman]

Hehe, I love this. Reminds me of some of Biggus' best work. What is "binned" though? Also, I'd remove "so" from line two since it's tempting to put the stress on that and ruin the meter.

[Hawkman]

Outstanding, hill, really gave me a giggle this morning.

Morpheus, "Binned" is a coloquialism for "Thrown away". Further to our recent discussions on metre, (Lady Veronique); there seems to a discrepancy between the way Americans and Brits read poems. Now I read this one as perfectly OK although I understand what you are getting at. I picked up on the natural rhythm of this poem without even thinking about it, maybe it's something to do with familiarity with comic verse.

Best, H

[hillwalker]

Thanks to all of you for your comments - I thought it was about time I lowered the tone.

Morpheus - George Bernard Shaw claimed that "England and America are two countries divided by a common language" and now I know what he means.
I thought I had evaded that particular pitfall by writing 'A-to-Zed' rather than 'A-to-Z' which loses its rhyme when exported across the Atlantic.
But that word 'so' - I could see your point being relevant if I had placed it at the end of line 1. But opening line 2, the way it would be spoken in the 'UK' 'so I' are both unstressed syllables (almost becoming one word). As Hawkman suggests, it's all in the way you read it. The word 'so' when used in the States is almost a declaration or question of intent - whereas over here it's just a throwaway pause for breath.

so 'so' stays.....

H

[blank|verse]

Witty and self-deprecating, hillwalker.

I think this was my favourite moment:

countless cul-de-sacs

[demonic790]

Haha. Fantastic!

Love the humour!

[hillwalker]

Thank you - glad it made you both smile.

[lallison]

Hill-arious! and very clever! Great fun!