Chain Gang Blues

[Sea in Side]

The heat of noon in the spring of June will have you singing a different tune.

In our stripes with our shovels and pipes we learned the blues.

Johnny cried for his pardon, Tim missed his garden, we all hated the warden.

Damn those stripes, blended blacks and whites, and we all learned the blues.

Connected by the chain, we all felt the pain, but no one complained,

we all wanted home, together we were alone, tell me have you heard the news.

[MorpheusSandman]

This piece vividly reminded me of some of Bob Dylan's best pieces. I can practically hear him sing... errr, vocalizing these lines and making those triple rhymes come off as some kind of poetic genius. Nonetheless, I still like this in print, though it's a piece that screams out to be performed.

[hillwalker]

I'm going to be a minority of one who found the rhymes a bit too distracting (and before anyone starts, I'm a big fan of Dylan).

I just got the impression the rhyme came first and the need to make any sense came second - otherwise why did Tim miss his garden? and when exactly is the spring of June?

You know I loved your prose work Sea in Side. Perhaps this piece needs a little of the magic you managed to thread through that..... and a little less rhyme.....
Some good lines, but not in the order you have written them down here :-)

H

[Sea in Side]

When something flows out of me like this did I usually refuse to dwell on it and work with it. Although the things that you did point out I would also like to point out had a point, Tim is a man who keeps to himself, and tends to his garden at home. I don't see why that's impossible to buy, it helps give the sense that they miss their home. The spring of June is the beginning, and more importantly it should be said that summer doesn't officially begin until mid june, but anyone from the south (U.S. obviously) can tell you it doesn't matter when summer "officially" starts, the heat of June is enough to run anyone into the ground. The rhyme also had a purpose in that I did want it to feel lyrical, as morpheus was so astute to notice.

That being said, this is definitely not my best, and wasn't intended to be a very serious effort. I had some words in my head, and then on a screen, and then here. I was just curious what people would think. You know I always appreciate your comments though H ;)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Aside from the merits of this, it reminded me of the song, "Another Man Done Gone" which I heard sung by, I believe, Odetta.