Dreaming Dusk

[Alexander III]

Green eggs and ham, sam no one cares

[hillwalker]

This is dense in imagery and marvellously vivid - I have read it three times so far and see something new each time. I also get a different understanding each time I read it.

I spent this morning watching newts in a mountain pool and for some reason it made me think of these creatures and possibly their perceptions of the 'universe' that exists above the meniscus of their watery world.
But I'm equally sure that was not what you had in mind.

You have basically created a kaleidoscope of ideas that transforms itself into something new with each reading.
One of your most brilliant without a doubt.

H

[MorpheusSandman]

I think this piece both reveals many of the strengths and weaknesses with your "stream-of-conscious" mode of poetic creation. On the one hand, it results in some, as hill said, "dense, marvelously vivid imagery". Many of these work wonders in isolation and more than once I thought "damn, I wish I'd come up with that". On the other hand, I don't feel the piece maintains a sense of coherency and flow. It feels like a disconnected stream of ideas and even though I see the links here and there they appear like a jigsaw puzzle in which the pieces have been newly dumped out in a pile; we vaguely see the similarities and how it's supposed to fit together, but it isn't yet put together to form a whole.

[Alexander III]

Thanks guys :)

Hill, I did the same thing kinda last night, except instead of tadpoles it was an ant colony, you can learn a lot from such little things. I am glad you see something new in each reading.

Morph as always thanks for your critique, I have come to rely upon it. However this piece was never meant to be a unity, or have one theme or concept, rather it is a captured moment in time of thought and emotion. This may be seen as a flaw, certainly from the readers perspective it makes it more confusing and I am sure much of the poem is lost in translation. However it was intended to be flawed in such a manner, catch my drift ?

This poem was created trough the derangement and assault of the senses in other to discover new sensations, this poem is the catalog of the new sensations. Make sense ?

[MorpheusSandman]

Yeah, I get what you're saying. A bit like a grouping of haikus but without the form. I tend to believe that even the loosest poems need to be held together by something or else, why not just read them as separate pieces instead of one long(er) piece?

[Alexander III]

Because they are not separate pieces, they all occurred within the same span of time, the moment is what holds them together :)

[MorpheusSandman]

But the challenge is making your audience privy to the moment. I'm not trying to devalue your method, I'm just giving you the perspective of someone who can't be in your head when you're writing them. As I've said before I'm very interested in how to create imperceptible but intuitive links within ostensibly disconnected poems. It's a particular skill that I feel most Western authors (and artists, in general) are far behind the East at.