Castaway

[RaoulDuke]

Borne on rolling waves,
Salt on my lips but thirst for you -
I quench it in dreams:

The flawless moonlight
And swelling echoes carry those
Incandescent eyes.

Oneiric fancies
Painted in the night spume
Wipe away the miles.

Stellar images
And patterns drawn in the surf -
They all look like you.

[NikolaiI]

I really think I get this. :)

It can be understood on many levels; but in my own way of understanding it, it goes to the depths my love for poetry and art - my own perception, and perhaps it is projection, is that everything is a similar pattern, the pattern of the surf and the stars is the same intricate and beautiful pattern as our bodies and minds. Your poem places ideas, words and images in the right places and it is a very powerful poem. Perfect. Wouldn't change a letter.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I salute the clean simplicity of this.

[hillwalker]

I like the brief simplicity of this - the expression of being so consumed by love that the poet sees the face reflected everywhere and in every thing.
There are also many wonderful lines in this poem, a masterpiece in truth.

[MorpheusSandman]

A truly gorgeous piece about how love and imagination can transcend time and space. Just lovely.

[RaoulDuke]

Thankyou all!

Nikolai, I'm glad you've found some meaning in my words, particularly such a beautiful meaning, but I'll to have to come clean and admit that when I wrote them I was being much more literal in writing my thoughts, and imagining a lonely castaway longing for his love.

If anyone is interested, I actually wrote the last three lines as a haiku a month or so ago; they happened to stick with me and inspired me to elaborate on them a little.

[blank|verse]

Mmm, nice series of haikus, Raoul.

I think these are more effective than those used by hillwalker (sorry hill!) because you hold the reader in the same place.

I was interested to read the last stanza was written first, as I think it is the weakest, and makes for a rather sentimental conclusion.

In fact, maybe cutting it and re-ordering the stanzas 3-2-1 is worth considering? I think the 'quenching thirst' metaphor is stronger to end with.

(And typo: Oneiric.)

[Hawkman]

I like it just for being what it is. Simple, eloquent and moving.

[Bar22do]

Am in agreement with B/V's comment, but love your poem all the same!

and especially the S2:

"The flawless moonlight
And swelling echoes carry those
Incandescent eyes."

Best - Bar

[Lumiere]

Oh, this is somewhere beyond!
It has a fantastical, almost other-worldly quality to it that at once quenches and makes me thirst.
The last haiku is especially beautiful.
Thank you.

[qimissung]

It glitters like a well cut gem. :)

[lallison]

a lovely lyrical piece. Vivid language and wonderful to roll off my tongue, still tasting of salt from the reading. It creates a sense of ecstasy in the loneliness of being alone, by the sea at night in some far away place. Great poem!

[Jesterhead]

I liked the imagery, and I agree that you could consider moving the last haiku up to be the first.