The Resilient

[Revolte]

In every dark and hostile path
-the ones we each have known-
lies a brilliant neon light
to spare us all of growth.

To take a rancid, sickened soul
and offer joy and grace,
another world so free of pain
a perfect, bliss filled place.

Where golden lakes of lasting youth
stream through every home,
and supper smells of pure delight
of pizza, beer and scones.

A land where stars are always out
and even join the sun,
while midnight plays a soothing tune
oh dear god, what fun.

In such a place you wouldn't worry
and thus you wouldn't care,
I'd rather live my life in hell
than sell my soul for there.

I'll take the pain, I'll take the tears
I'll even take the laws,
just let me keep my growing heart
at edge with corporate jaws.

So when I die I'm free to say
I lived a worthy life,
full of passion, love and hope
and kept on through the strife.

[Pryderi Agni]

OK, two comments:

1)The grammar slips here and there. Please correct it.

2)Why is this poem titled 'The Resilient'? Aside from the last stanza, I didn't find the virtue of resilience extolled anywhere. Consider changing your title.

[hillwalker]

I can see the resilience it takes to avoid the constant temptation aimed at us from all directions by advertisers to over-consume what they are trying to sell, the pressures to conform to our 'peers' (particularly aimed at the younger generation) by living the fast life as portrayed in the media, the attraction of taking recreational drugs like the celebrities in order to escape the harsh facts of reality, etc., etc.

I don't know for sure if that's what Revolte is saying here, but its one interpretation.

And yes, there is one syntactic stumble I noticed :

spare us all of growth (should that be 'from' ?)

Also the final 2 lines of verse 3 stick out as rather out of place given the images revealed elsewhere.

But apart from these minor quibbles another strong contender. Good stuff.

[milktea]

Question: Is it the 'neon light' that is doing all of the aforementioned, starting with 'To...' in the second stanza?

I'd have to agree with the first poster about the poem's content being incongruous with the title.

Resilient meaning what? You are able to bounce back from adversity? In your poem, this isn't necessary as the issue is that there is something akin to Huxley's soma to prevent adversity in the first place--which the speaker is resistant to, but not resilient to.

Critique aside, I enjoyed reading your poem, especially as I started to catch on. Your final stanza makes a great zinger ^_^ Thank you for sharing.

[Revolte]

I love how my favorite poems of mine are the least favorite of others, then the crap I spew out is liked so much more lol.

I'll go head and explain this one though, it's really just a big middle finger to taking the easy way out, of not selling your soul by suicide or something other of the kind to live in a perfect little emotionless world (Wristcutters: A Love Story comes to mind), and rather standing strong through the b.s. life hands at you and growing from it, so that in the end when it's your time to die at least you have a story worth telling and lived a life worth living.

Resilient: characterized or marked by resilience: as a : capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture b : tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.


surely you can see how the title works for BOTH ideas in the poem, the one of adjusting easy to misfortune or change ( being in a world free of anything, through something horrid and changing as suicide ) and withstandting shock without permanent "deformation" ( in other words, in this case, standing strong through pain in life. ) Infact the title is probably the best for this piece.

I don't normally defend my work, but in this case I know exactly what I did and why I did it.

@Hill, hmmm I will consider changing of to from, but I'm unsure about it, I suppose it would be propper english after all, but of is still understood in that context so I can't decide.

@Agni, it would help if you would point out the errors exactly, I'm not exactly wise with grammar ( one of the main reasons I post here ) but thanks all the same.

@Milk, hmm yeah more or less I suppose. But not really as simple as just any neon light, consider it a metaphore for a "beautiful" heaven like world. A light at the end of a dark road.

[MorpheusSandman]

FWIW, Revolte, I perfectly understood your theme here and I really don't find anything to say against how you've rendered it. It echoes the central theme (well, ONE of the central themes) of my favorite work of all 20th century art titled Neon Genesis Evangelion; the impetus for its creation came to its creator who suffered from depression in the form of the phrase "you can't run away", and in the series he renders a paradise-like world to which the protagonist faces a choice of which to retreat to or stay and suffer through a harsh, individual life.

Anyway, I love this probably because that theme DOES echo so strongly with me. I've also found it ironic that the poems I'm most proud of are usually the most ignored or criticized and those that I feel are throwaways seem to be the most loved. What can ya do?

[PrinceMyshkin]

While I respect and admire the theme, I feel that your rhymes are predictable or sound forced, most especially


Where golden lakes of lasting youth
stream through every home,
and supper smells of pure delight
of pizza, beer and scones.

where the last line for a moment converts the serious tone to comedy.

If you prefer to work in rhyme but are stuck at any point for one that feels natural, spontaneous or graceful, I suggest you consult http://www.rhymezone.com/

[Bar22do]

Revolte, I have to agree with Prince, rhymes take me from the contents of your poem... but it's always a pleasure to discover more of your through your poetry. Bar

[Pryderi Agni]

@Agni, it would help if you would point out the errors exactly, I'm not exactly wise with grammar ( one of the main reasons I post here ) but thanks all the same.


Well, let's see: As many have mentioned before, it's "To spare us all from growth".

Secondly, Para. 5, Line 2, "thus" is the wrong word to use. It's a sequence indicator.

Para. 6, last line: "At edge with corporate jaws"? "At the edge of" or On the edge with" are possible alternatives.