Falling down

[TheFinale]

Blood shattered on the door
Went inside, saw the floor
Bodies burning into the air
I sat and cried, didn't know where

Angels came on the fly
They saw me sit, they heard me cry
One came by and sat with me
And asked me what was wrong with me

My emotions blew life a fuse
The angel looked terribly confused
I told her that they all had died
It didn't matter how hard I tried

Because the angel told me they were in a place
Where love only grows and evil is braced
The angel bent over and kissed me good night
And took away all of the fright

And now I sleep peacefully
Knowing there is an angel beside of me

I have a bad habit of writing in a random rhythm scheme and using, sorry. I'm trying to quit it.

[Jesterhead]

'Angels came on the fly'.. that should be rewritten, cause it gives a disturbing mental image.

a lot of half sentences cracs the poem and makes it hard to read.

keep writing

[MorpheusSandman]

The first two stanzas are quite powerful in their rhymes and rhythmic consistency but you really lose control in stanzas three and four and disrupt the reader's rhythm. With a bit of a rewrite I think you'd really have something here.

[TheFinale]

I'll edit my first post after I'm done rewriting it. Thanks for the comments.

EDIT: Fixed it hopefully.