Autumn Sky (Japanese Haiku w/ translation)

[milktea]

http://www.inkboard.net/misc/share/haiku.html

edited: thank you JD.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The best I can do in response to this is shinen omedita gozeimasu!

[milktea]

Can you translate your comment for me please? ^_^ Also, would you please remove the quotation from your comment? I only wish to share my poems in this forum. Sorry for the hassle!

[Jesterhead]

Happy New Year

didn't you mean 'omedito'?

[PrinceMyshkin]

Can you translate your comment for me please? ^_^

That was my best recollection of how to say "Happy New Year" in Japanese,

and Jesterhead, yes, it should have been "omedito". Thanks for correcting that.

[milktea]

Ah, I see. 'Shin Nen Omedetou Gozaimasu' I figured you weren't congratulating me for my thoughts ^_^;;

If you want to wish someone a happy new year instead of the above say: Akemashi-te omedetou gozaimasu. (明けましておめでとうございます)

And if someone wishes you a happy new year, respond by saying:
Kotoshi mo, yoroshiku onegaishimasu (今年もよろしくお願いします)

That'll be a bit more natural.

But I'm not sure how this relates to my haiku... it's an autumn haiku *^o^* I tried to write a winter haiku this year to complete the seasons, but I hate winter and spent the entire time under my kotatsu or at work, so I couldn't write about Nature because I refused to go outside! I doubt I'll ever write anything related to New Years or that time of year unfortunately.

Also, princemyshkin, can you please remove the quotation from your comment? Sorry. I do not want my poetry searchable via google or the like.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Ah, I see. 'Shin Nen Omedetou Gozaimasu' I figured you weren't congratulating me for my thoughts ^_^;;

If you want to wish someone a happy new year instead of the above say: Akemashi-te omedetou gozaimasu. (明けましておめでとうございます)

And if someone wishes you a happy new year, respond by saying:
Kotoshi mo, yoroshiku onegaishimasu (今年もよろしくお願いします)

That'll be a bit more natural.

But I'm not sure how this relates to my haiku... it's an autumn haiku *^o^* I tried to write a winter haiku this year to complete the seasons, but I hate winter and spent the entire time under my kotatsu or at work, so I couldn't write about Nature because I refused to go outside! I doubt I'll ever write anything related to New Years or that time of year unfortunately.

I wanted to congratulate you on the haiku but Happy New Year was the only thing I could think of. My Japanese is very limited although I did spend a very happy six months or so in Shibuya and in the village where folk-pottery was revived, but that was about 40 years ago!

[Hawkman]

milktea, I think your haiku is gorgeous. I've mislaid my Japanese dictionary or I'd have tried to join in in kind :)

Best, H

[milktea]

milktea, I think your haiku is gorgeous. I've mislaid my Japanese dictionary or I'd have tried to join in in kind :)

Best, H

Thank you very much. I wasn't sure if folks would be receptive to it since it's in Japanese and about Japan (I'm still trying to test the waters here) so I'm very grateful to you.

When I lived in Chiba I was a member of a Tanka club. I would love to be a part of an online circle with haiku/tanka enthusiasts. Sincerely.

Therefore, if you don't mind me being so forward, we could start a separate thread. While I think the shared haiku thread is fun, I'd be far more keen in creating and reading others haiku/tanka.

[Hawkman]

There is an existing thread just for personal haiku, or are you suggesting one for haiku in Japanese? I would be hard pressed to keep up with this as my Japanese just isn't good enough and I have no way of writing in kanji, katakana or the other script which I can never remember the name of. :) I'm also hazy on the tanka form but would be keen to learn if you can point me somewhere which explains it and gives examples.

Best, H

[TheFifthElement]

すごい

(sorry, haven't mastered Kanji yet)

Love the はいく very autumnal.

[milktea]

I looked through the haiku threads like All Haikus are Welcome (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23577) thread, and they are for 575 poems. I'm interested participating in a traditional haiku circle which require kigo/season words. Did I miss a thread?


The best I can do in response to this is shinen omedita gozeimasu!

You are not only an wonderful poet, but a very kind and considerate person as well. Thank you!

[Hawkman]

I looked through the haiku threads like All Haikus are Welcome (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23577) thread, and they are for 575 poems. I'm interested participating in a traditional haiku circle which require kigo/season words. Did I miss a thread?

Probably not. There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't start a new thread specific to what you want. I think the moderators would prefer it if you put it in the Games/contests strand though. I would certainly join in, but make the rules clear and if it's possible put them on a sticky at the head of the thread.

Best, H

[J.D. Sparks]

Unfortunately I am only familiar with the westernized 575 haikus, so my comment might be out of line, but I think it might sound sharper without the 'away'. So it'd be just "the cicada song wanes". For some reason the phrase "Wanes away" just doesn't sound quite right to me.

But it's a lovely haiku, a beautiful juxtaposition of images.

[milktea]

I found a link to a bunch of kigo lists. I figure for an online circle (since everyone is coming from different parts of the world) we can start by using a standard kigo list from a saijiki (kigo dictionary), and if folks get hardcore about writing haiku and want to better express their environment and lives, they can make a season word list of their own to better represent their country, nature, and culture. For example if there is someone here who lives in Russia, 'White Nights' would be a season word for summer. Japan has all seasons, so I figure everyone should be able to share haiku and tanka without needing to spend an entire year making their own kigo list.

http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html

http://haiku.cc.ehime-u.ac.jp/~shiki/kukai/kiyose-spring.html

http://haiku.cc.ehime-u.ac.jp/~shiki/kukai/kiyose-summer.html

http://haiku.cc.ehime-u.ac.jp/~shiki/kukai/kiyose-autumn.html

http://haiku.cc.ehime-u.ac.jp/~shiki/kukai/kiyose-winter.html

[Hawkman]

YOu obviously have a much deeper appreciation of the form than I do, and possibly quite a few others on this forum. I hope you are prepared to play teacher!

[milktea]

Unfortunately I am only familiar with the westernized 575 haikus, so my comment might be out of line, but I think it might sound sharper without the 'away'. So it'd be just "the cicada song wanes". For some reason the phrase "Wanes away" just doesn't sound quite right to me.

But it's a lovely haiku, a beautiful juxtaposition of images.

Thanks for your observation and feedback. The 'away' is possibly redundant, that might be why the phrase doesn't sound right.

[hack]

I like the "away".
Its addition is like an echo of the preceding thought.
I might consider making it its own third line, though.
Jose Saramago said that writers write books and
translators write literature...peace...

[MorpheusSandman]

I love the haiku forms but it's eminently more beautiful and deep in Japanese (and even the various Chinese languages) than it is in English and I often think that of all the great worldwide poetry that haikus lose the most in translation. I still quite love your work here, and I understand just enough Japanese to relate the translation to the words (thank you, Kurosawa, Ozu, and Mizoguchi!).

[milktea]

I love the haiku forms but it's eminently more beautiful and deep in Japanese (and even the various Chinese languages) than it is in English and I often think that of all the great worldwide poetry that haikus lose the most in translation. I still quite love your work here, and I understand just enough Japanese to relate the translation to the words (thank you, Kurosawa, Ozu, and Mizoguchi!).

The first time I wrote a tanka I tried translate it as an English haiku. It was awful. This is why I simply write exactly what I said in Japanese as opposed to trying to add poetic flourish to my translations. So no worries, nothing was lost as far as meaning goes. The beauty of the Japanese language itself is lost in translation, but if for those who understand how Japanese pronunciation works, they can read the transliteration ^_^

Thank you for your feedback, and thank you very very much for reading my poem in Japanese. You have no idea how much that means to me!

[milktea]

YOu obviously have a much deeper appreciation of the form than I do, and possibly quite a few others on this forum. I hope you are prepared to play teacher!

I am a haiku/tanka geek, but I'm pretty sure that the appreciation I have of the form is only because what I've explained to you was earlier explained patiently to me.

I will start the new thread now. I really hope you will join in!

[Buh4Bee]

Your posted haiku represents to me the meaning of simplicity. Thanks for the sensory input of fall memories.

[MorpheusSandman]

The beauty of the Japanese language itself is lost in translation, but if for those who understand how Japanese pronunciation works, they can read the transliterationA while back I learned some of the basics of Japanese pronunciation to do an audio commentary I was working on for an anime series and I basically learned how the language is more closely related to the long/short syllabic system of the Greeks and Romans rather than our accentuated syllabic language. It can take a bit getting used to a moraic language and I often think I prefer it to stressed language. I also hate how the rhythm just vanishes in translation. It's why English translations of the great ancient epics are pretty much just shadows of the originals (even from what little I understand of them in the original).