AKA Cain & Abel

[PrinceMyshkin]

The world of unreason
lives, not beside, but within
the world of reason.

Born of the same seed, they
are as different
as only brothers can be.

[hillwalker]

I'm pleased to see you have finally found a fitting setting for those first 3 lines.

A clever conundrum - a touch of yin and yang. And as always, brief and very much to the point.

H

[hack]

I commend this.
My brother prefers Longfellow.

[milktea]

Interesting piece. It's got a Tao Te Ching meets the Old Testament feel.

[Virgil]

Excellent piece Prince. Stunning actually. Even the sort of discontinuous (I don't know of that's the right adjective, but it feels right to me) logic within the piece itself adds to the theme.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks hillwalker, hack, milktea & virgil.

[Hawkman]

Hi Prince, I can't add anything to what's already been said. I agree with everyone esle. It's brilliant. H

[Lumiere]

I like this, especially the first bit. It's true!

(But a word in Cain's defense: he labored over all this fresh produce to offer, and all Abel did was go out and kill the first thing that moved. No wonder Cain was ticked.)

[J.D. Sparks]

A very interesting idea you are touching upon here. I wonder if the ending might not be more effective if you stated it thus:

"Born of the same seed, they
are as different
as only brothers can be."

It is still implied that it refers to both reason/unreason and Cain/Abel, but it just seems a bit more graceful to me without the clarification.

[AuntShecky]

Excellent opening line, almost an epigram. The second "strophe" (stanza) seems superfluous and "tells" too much. When the first and third stanzas stand alone they are pitier and thus more powerful.

[PrinceMyshkin]

A very interesting idea you are touching upon here. I wonder if the ending might not be more effective if you stated it thus:

"Born of the same seed, they
are as different
as only brothers can be."

It is still implied that it refers to both reason/unreason and Cain/Abel, but it just seems a bit more graceful to me without the clarification.

In fact, I much prefer your more compact version of this verse, but contrary to what you say, I was afraid that readers might think I was referring specifically to Cain & Abel, whereas I intended them only as an example of a fratricidal relationship.

[MorpheusSandman]

This is probably one of your best pieces, Prince. Certainly within the top tier of your works and I would only slightly echo AuntShecky's criticism that the first and third stanzas are much more powerful than the second. But even with that slight criticism this is remarkable. Like the best of your work it's so organic in its poetry, original in its metaphors, and deep in its wisdom.

[lallison]

Hi PM,
Another eloquent thought rendered figuratively and with beauty. From reading the comments, I can agree with all the praise you've already received for this little gem. I can only add that I think the second stanza adds a lot by personifying reason and unreason with the Genesis story. Of course, you are the decider, and your decisions tend to be very good ones. Thanks for the poem.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Many, many thanks, lumiere, Morpheus, JD Sparks, Lallison & Aunt Shecky.

Per the suggestions of J.D. Sparks & Aunt Shecky, I've made changes to the previous draft.

[Virgil]

Oh I thought the previous version was way better Prince. What made you change? I thought the telling too much, the sort of off logic, was central to the poem. You weren't telling too much. That's my opinion.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Oh I thought the previous version was way better Prince. What made you change? I thought the telling too much, the sort of off logic, was central to the poem. You weren't telling too much. That's my opinion.

You've got me in a bit of a dither now. I think the tipping point was the tighter version of stanza 3 offered by J.D. Spark. Although she believed that readers would still understand I was referring there to the reason/unreason nexus, I was afraid they'd think it was a reference to Cain & Abel, whom I'd chosen merely as an example of fratricide.