Maybe Just Maybe ~ Revised (now in first person)

[Samjulila]

The classroom is completely silent except for the scratching of pencils. The crisp white paper of my exam seems to glare at me. I will my pencil to fill in the little bubble next to the letter D, an answer I know is wrong. What to do? My brain is a traffic stop during rush hour. Habit screams at me to fill in the correct answer, but a nagging feeling inside tells me different. Do I really want to be that stereotypical smart girl, who never lets her hair down? It’s true. I love to read and write, and am enrolled in every advanced class offered at my small town school. Everyone always says that I’m the one with potential, brains, a good head on my shoulders. When I was little, I loved being described that way. It made me feel proud, and like I had a purpose. But now it just feels like a burden. Now, hearing myself labeled that way leaves a vile taste in my mouth. Being the smart girl no longer interests me. I’m no longer rewarded for doing well, because it‘s what everyone expects. My friends always count on me to be the reliable, consistent one, while they get to have all the fun. Just thinking about it makes me cringe. Who wants to be described the same way as a laptop, or a golden retriever? I would love to be thought of as funny, wild, maybe interesting -- anything but reliable.
I usually pretend to be annoyed by my classmates who don’t seem to care about anything, and never turn in their homework, or study for tests. Deep down, I’m green eyed with envy. I wish I could be like them, that I could just let go and not worry so much, not work so hard to keep up appearances. Everyday I try so hard to look like I am happy being the smart, boring, predictable girl that everyone sees me as. Sometimes I worry that I am wasting my life trying to be perfect and not having any fun along the way. More than anything, I wish for the freedom to do whatever I want and not feel guilty about it.
The days of good grades being my pride and joy are history. If I blow this exam, everyone will be shocked. Maybe, just maybe they will start to pay a little more attention to me. Maybe I can prove to everyone that there is more to me than brains, and maybe for once I can be a me that I feel mirthful being.
The test is still laying there in from of me, glaringly empty. I glance around the room, unsure of what to do, and notice for the first time a potted tulip, almost ready to bloom. I read through the questions one by one.

1. Trees are part of the animal family. True or False?
I trace a circle around the word True.
2.The dinosoars lived…
A in the time of the ice age
B when the humans first showed up
C long before human activity
D yesterday
My pencil shades in the letter D

Of course I know those answers are wrong, and I know what the correct answers are. That’s the point. My pencil just seems to gravitate towards the most obviously wrong answers on the page.
I walk across the scuffed tile, up to the teachers cluttered desk, my spirits rising, to hand in my exam; I know I failed miserably. But I have never been more proud of myself. I am a mountain, never to be forgotten again.
“How did it go?” My science teacher asks.
“Just perfect,” I Smile.

[hillwalker]

I have to agree - 'just perfect' just about sums up this little fable.

The pace is so gentle and mesmerising, and even though you begin to sense what might happen, of course, the reader is helpless to do anything but watch.

And that neat little side-step before the coup de grace - the potted tulip about to bloom. That is such a brilliant metaphor for what is going through your mind at that exact moment.

I think I have probably told you already you have immense skill as a writer - this proves it. I just hope the story is not TOO autobiographical. There's nothing wrong with being intelligent and reactionary. Being clever makes it more fun because - a) nobody expects it, and b) you can be so much more imaginative in the way you rebel.

Have fun and good luck

H

[J.D. Sparks]

Great little story. (Though I think "miserable" should be "miserably"?)

Very good job.

[giventofly]

I think this is much beter sam... now you have a well-written, tight little story. You did a good job "trimming the fat" and changing the point of view. If you plan to keep working on it, you might think about adding in some anectdotal sub-stories that emphasize the way she feels others view her. Perhaps through interactions with family, friends, classmates, etc. That way you can start to SHOW the reader how she feels rather than just telling them. Just make sure that they add to the story in a meaningful way and have enough detail or wit/humor/uniqueness to keep the reader engaged. Looking forward to reading more of your work.