No Warrior Is Free

[Revolte]

A fighter's spirit's breaking
somewhere in every town,
a sign that system's soul
seeks out to bring us down,
to kill off every child,
to rape each woman's pride,
to steal the beggar's penny,
to pray the gay have died
and in this social war,
no warrior is free
to escape our fragile future
eclipsed in misery.

[Jesterhead]

I liked this, the overall theme shined through very clearly.

[hillwalker]

A strong message condensed into a few lines. I like the sparse way you list the wrongs of society in quite a throwaway fashion - much the same way 'society' treats the underpriveliged.

Just a couple of things - typo line 1 'breaking' not 'braking'
and in 3 of the last 4 lines the metre tends to unravel - perhaps you could rephrase to keep the same regular beat of the first 8.

Other than that, another great piece of contemporary writing.

H

[Hawkman]

I second hill's review. Good stuff Revolte. H

[hack]

Yeah, I like it too.
I can appreciate
the use of braking
instead of breaking,
if that was your
purpose. If that is
what you meant,
it is a subtle
use of language.
I might change "seeks"
in the fourth line to
sets. It is less awkward,
and does no other harm
to your poem. Good stuff.

[PrinceMyshkin]

A strong, virtuous poem that could have become rant but never is. Congratulations.