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hillwalker
05-24-2010, 03:38 PM
THAMES EMBANKMENT 1902

Sunlight
filled the sails of her parasol
lending flight to her feet

She floated by
dazzling anyone who watched
in a daze of symmetry
and shadow

Luminous trails
of our yearning
followed her
drifting in her wake
Hawkman
05-24-2010, 04:05 PM
Ah, La Belle Epoch.

10 years to the sinking of Titanic and 12 to WW1 and the end of an era. How this phantom beauty stalks the imagination. Beautifully written hill.

H
RaoulDuke
05-24-2010, 05:55 PM
A wonderful, simple, nostalgic poem.

"All the pennies in the Thames will not make it how it was."
MorpheusSandman
05-24-2010, 09:54 PM
This is a perfect imagery that feels almost like the linguistic imprint of some lovely, impressionistic painting - maybe just a single rose cut from a bouquet.
lallison
05-24-2010, 10:56 PM
This is beautiful! The emotion and meaning it evokes is much larger than its terse lines! Very enjoyable, engaging and effective.
hack
05-24-2010, 11:07 PM
This is great Hill.
I like it very much.
hillwalker
05-25-2010, 01:26 PM
Excuse my tardiness in catching up - but thanks to all of you for your generous responses.
It was written with PrinceMyshkin in mind - to compensate for bombarding his sensitive ears with my previous effort. And, wouldn't you know, the b----r probably hasn't even read it!!!:incazzato:
blank|verse
05-25-2010, 04:45 PM
Nice poem, hillwalker - I love the opening image; a brilliant little twist that works so well.

And - you're going to hate me for this! - but I do think it could be even shorter, perhaps like this...

THAMES EMBANKMENT 1902

Sunlight
filled the sails of her parasol
lending flight to her feet

She floated by
in a daze of symmetry
and shadow

luminous trails
of our yearning
drifting in her wake
hillwalker
05-25-2010, 04:52 PM
For once, BV, I will admit you are absolutely right.
I think I was trying too hard to make each verse total the same total number of syllables - and since I very rarely write shorter poems I did not think for one moment it could be improved by further trimming.

Thanks
blank|verse
05-25-2010, 05:14 PM
For once, BV, I will admit you are absolutely right.
Ha! I shall frame that and put it on my wall! Kind of you to say so.

As for syllabics - I have to admit I still don't really get that. I mean, I understand it, but I don't really see the point of them beyond little haikus or whatever. And (unfortunately for another person posting) I really don't get sestinas, but that's another story...