Sweet Whispers On The Wind

[Lamar Cole]

Our love was whispered on the wind tonight.
Everything was right when we held each other.
So very tight.

Our love was reflected by the moon.
Our song of love.
We could hear the wind croon.

The wind whispered.
Trust your heart.
Go with your feelings.
This sweet love you'll always be needing.

We were so close I could feel her heart beating.
See the love and passion in her eyes.
One so lovely in the evening.
And lovelier at sunrise.

[hillwalker]

This is one of the better poems of yours that I have read (I have not responded to any others because I find them rather too sickly sweet for my own personal taste).
But that is my opinion and is no reflection on your ability nor the sentiment and depth of emotion you apply to every poem.
I do like this one - but I feel your over-reliance on rhyme (over-powering in the first two verses) does undermine your ability to truly express yourself.

'moon' and 'croon' ? definitely not your finest moment.

Also the introduction of 'her' in the final verse confused me slightly when the rest of the poem suggested it was written to a 'you'.


If it is not too much of a wrench to your soul I would like to see you try to write a poem without any rhyme whatsoever. I think you might find it a rewarding and invigorating experience.

Good luck

H

[dizzydoll]

I loved this little poem so much! Feelings are good, without them we shrivel up and die. :biggrin5:

especially:


The wind whispered.
Trust your heart.
Go with your feelings.
This sweet love you'll always be needing.