Moments Of Time

[Alexander III]

If you read this, well why are you looking back at the posts of the past?

Focus on those on the front page now !

That is all have a nice day

[virgo27]

Who am I? That is a question eternity continues to ponder.

dancing the ancient rituals of tranquility…

Really enjoyed that line.

[Buh4Bee]

I can now see the influence of Oscar Wilde and Rimbaud in this poetry. That is a fine thing.

Long blades of dark grass ripple under my bare feet…they tug at my heels…longing to once again sonnet…possibly, fearing the day they shall once again ode…

Wow! That is a line well written.

A handsome boy engraves his loose image across the dark mirror…
I bend down and caress his form…destroying the soft embroidery upon the mirror…leaving a prefect vast circle of emptiness
I am as delicate as the image…eternally fading…to re-weave my form upon the tapestry of life in new dyes and threads...

I found here to be completely absorbed by the desire to discover and become into the self anew. And through this process realizing how something is always being lost.

[MorpheusSandman]

A truly beautiful, aching, haunting piece, Alex. While I've sometimes criticized you for getting overly ornamental in the language, I think the difference here is that you introduce the central theme upfront and then your rich images sweep us around the textured orbit of that concept, so we always have an anchor to draw us back to the emotional center. It's truly lovely, a piece I think will stay with me for a while.

[Alexander III]

Thank you, I wrote this poem directly after a perfect moment, one which you wish to never leave, in order to try and artificially capture it.

[lallison]

I enjoyed reading your poetic thoughts. Very eloquent and extensional. A bit of Rimbaud, a bit of Ginsburg.

[Alexander III]

I understand the influence of Rimbaud in the poem (he is one of my favorite poets), but earnestly I must say I have no clue how you see Ginsberg here ?

[lallison]

Really??? I thought it was more Ginsburg than Rimbaud. Here is the one in particularly I was thinking of: http://www.boppin.com/sunflower.html

very prosaic, capturing that perfect moment in time, flowers, insects and deep thoughts.

[Hawkman]

Sorry AIII, I've neglected this. The language is quite beautiful and a real pleasure to read. But why the long lines? You have separated phrases with dots, which are obvious and well placed line breaks. I'm just curious as to why you rebel against a more conventional presentation?

Best, H

[Cunninglinguist]

There are a few interesting ideas but, I'm sorry, I find this hideously pretentious. I felt you were trying to ram your overdeveloped vocabulary down my throat in an attempt to prove how "smart" you are. Most of your descriptions I find nonsensical, e.g. you typically dont rest on an ebb, you flow in an ebb. All in all after reading this it didn't add anything new to my life; it didn't ask any new questions nor did it give any creative answers to the ones asked nor do I have any desire to emulate your writing style.

[Alexander III]

Lallison, wow that is a beautiful poem, now I understand how you saw some similarities.

Ah Hawkman, the reason for the style I have adopted is that it is one of poesy, but not of verse. When I pen my thoughts and emotions this form is the natural style they take shape in, so I find it better to leave it in its natural state. I suppose when everyone writes the words come into a natural form, wether it be meter and rhyme, jazz poesy or free verse. It is best not to change the natural form of the way things flow out naturally. Ah and also when I type them, I use indentations to make separations clearer and for aesthetic purposes, but unfortunately when I post on litnet it wont allow me to keep my indentations. I hope that confusing answer somewhat answers your question :)

[Alexander III]

Ahh and Cunninglinguist, I do not attempt to unnecessarily complicate my poems, I merely write down what I think, what I feel, in my eyes it forms a fragile form of aesthetic beauty, which in my opinion is the greatest merit of any form of art (once again just my opinion).

I fully comprehend that the poem may not be enjoyed by all, it may seem unaesthic due to its language in your eyes. It slightly saddens me that you did not get anything out of the poem, but not everyone will. The poets duty is to tangibly express emotions and thoughts which everyman possess, merely they cannot tangibly express them, so when they see a poem they shall find beauty in it for it is a tangible expression of emotions and thoughts which pertain to them as well.

I saw a good quote here once, since I don't remember it I shall paraphrase.

Someone may read War and Peace and just see it as another adventure story, while others may read the ingredients on a gum wrapper and unravel the secrets of the universe.

[MorpheusSandman]

There are a few interesting ideas but, I'm sorry, I find this hideously pretentious. I felt you were trying to ram your overdeveloped vocabulary down my throat in an attempt to prove how "smart" you are. Most of your descriptions I find nonsensical, e.g. you typically dont rest on an ebb, you flow in an ebb. All in all after reading this it didn't add anything new to my life; it didn't ask any new questions nor did it give any creative answers to the ones asked nor do I have any desire to emulate your writing style.While I don't discourage negative criticism around here - Bob knows I've given enough of it myself - and that I even might say I find some of the frequently empty praising on these boards a bit disingenuous, I think you've crossed a line here. There are a zillion ways to say the same thought and sentiment without being so insulting, and I always find it helps to offer something constructive as well.

[Cunninglinguist]

While I don't discourage negative criticism around here - Bob knows I've given enough of it myself - and that I even might say I find some of the frequently empty praising on these boards a bit disingenuous, I think you've crossed a line here. There are a zillion ways to say the same thought and sentiment without being so insulting, and I always find it helps to offer something constructive as well.

Does it? I can post a more elaborate critique of the work with milder language.

[blazeofglory]

Elegantly put and every word soothes; flows with rapturous things, moments and the like. It amazes me as it kind of express something deeper, the truth of life, the way life-energy streams to inundate one and all with its splendor and charisma. This speaks of the impulses that pulsates every move of us. It penetrates into the depths of me that remained untouched for long. As the poem progresses, deepens it digs out something that remained earthed for long.

[dizzydoll]

Ah yes, these are the moments in time we all look forward to, admittedly or not.




Someone may read War and Peace and just see it as another adventure story, while others may read the ingredients on a gum wrapper and unravel the secrets of the universe.

Thats the best I've read today. Clever. Ta. http://serve.mysmiley.net/happy/happy0065.gif (http://www.mysmiley.net/free-laughing-smileys.php)

[hillwalker]

Without wanting to add to the tension(!) this poem seems to have created -

1) I have not responded to this particular poem before now because -
a) the extended form of the individual lines don't work for me - that's a personal problem I have with the poem, not a criticism
b) the style of language again is not one I am particularly fond of - rather too many 'purple patches'. But again it's down to individual taste.

2) There are quite few poems I do not respond to - because of the above, because I do not engage with them or feel competent enough to critique - or because they stink.

3) I see no point in posting negative criticism unless there is a very valid reason - and even then, some constructive support should be added as a courtesy. Criticism expressed in emotive and disparaging language unfortunately says more about the critic than the criticee.

4)If anyone is unable to contain their dislike for a particular poem, there's a simple answer. Press the <- button and move on to the next.

Peace to you all

H

[MorpheusSandman]

Does it? I can post a more elaborate critique of the work with milder language.I think it would be more constructive and appreciative.

[dizzydoll]

Walker you are very courteous, and you teach by example. You are also humble which allows others to feel comfortable in your presence... this is something not many are able to achieve in life. :biggrin5: