Healthy Humour

[Biggus]

THE BUDDHIST AT THE DENTIST

The Buddhist monk
Following dental examination
Refused an injection
For his required dental extrication
Instead he chose to
Transcend dental medication

DOCTOR IN MOTION

“Doctor I have chronic diarrhoea
And I think it’s hereditary”
“Nonsense man I can assure you
Diarrhoea is not hereditary,
And no matter how chronic it is
It’s not as bad as it seems”
“But doctor I know it’s hereditary
Because it’s in my jeans”

A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

A balanced diet
Is what is planned
Which invariably
Means I understand
Something healthy
Something bland

A healthy lifestyle
Is what is planned
So a balanced diet
If I might expand
Does not involve
A pie in each hand

BREATHE THROUGH IT

A young woman had a panic attack
A side effect of British Railways
My wife and I went to her aid
But I struggled to avert my gaze
From her heaving chesticles
“Big breaths” my wife instructed her
I was still staring at her puppies, said
“No, but beautifully pert would be fare”

WHAT CAN I EAT?

I don’t want Swine flu
So no more pork for me
I don’t want Bird flu
So no chicken fricassee
I don’t want mad cow disease
So no more Beef for me
I don’t want Salmonella
So no dippy eggs for tea
With mercury in the water
I will no longer eat fish
There is pollution in the air
So I’ll eat no bird related dish
I cannot eat any type of fruit
Because of insecticides
And all vegetables are out
Because of the herbicides
So I am at a loss now
To know what I can eat
There is of course chocolate
But then what would be my treat?

[PrinceMyshkin]

These are hilarious, dear Biggus!

[J.D. Sparks]

"Doctor in Motion" particularly made me smile. They were all endearing though.

[MorpheusSandman]

Doctor in Motion was probably the funniest, but What Can I Eat is rather brilliant. Perhaps the best I've read from you Biggus.

[Biggus]

Thank you all very much indeed