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Delta40
05-14-2010, 09:20 AM
Highly Protected Secret

This is my account and I don’t want to act about it. Or on it. Pretence matters, like the cheap ****ty makeup I wear to hide who I am. I’ve been using that crap all my life. I wonder if this means I don’t believe I deserve any better. You know, like the Loreal ads say – ‘Because you’re worth it.’ Worth what? Hiding under even thicker layers? I tell myself it’s a false economy but really, it’s my face staring back at me in the mirror that I can’t bear. No matter what I do, I can’t erase what is hidden underneath.

For no reason, I will burst out, ‘I love you,’ or ‘I’m never going to do that again!’ It happens while I’m reading, working or watching telly, when some distressing memory enters my mind and I need to deflect it verbally before it really gets in the way. Once I’ve uttered something out loud, I can turn my attention to why on earth I just said what I did and avoid whatever it was that I was going to get damn uncomfortable about.

What coagulated fatty tripe I wade through. Surely everybody has uncomfortable history? Those who say ‘I don’t,’ are mostly lying or in denial. I silently weep when I watch ‘Touched by an Angel.’ I smear what I don’t wish to face and filter it into some American melodrama so I can’t see, hear, or smell the unspeakable.

I would like to watch an episode where the Gaelic Angel called Monica glows for me. She doesn’t though.

I like to study the faces of older people when I’m on the bus. I imagine myself when I am their age. Do the hairstyles of old women mean anything? What gaze do I have now that will determine the way my hair goes when I am seventy? Do people notice how old women are spread across the Australian landscape?

At forty, my skin is dry and wooden – like my expression. It is a unique form of leprosy from the hallway at my mother’s house. It was a cramped space with vomit coloured shag pile carpet. When all the doors were closed, it was completely dark. My skin problems started at my knees.

Lately, I’ve taken to using Nutri-metics cream. I love the smell of apricots. It reminds me……of absolutely nothing. There were no apricots in my childhood. Maybe they will smooth out the cracked flaky bits and heal the stabs of pain that cause me to say those odd, unrelated things when I rub too long. At its worst, my skin feels as rough as tree bark.

My brother hasn’t visited the house in a long time. He has disgusting skin too. Leprosy is not the correct name of course. It is something much harder to treat. We both have it. It covers different areas of our bodies. My legs are dry, flaky and blotchy. The knees are calloused as if I had spent a lifetime in servitude.

I think, looking at old women on the buses that my hair will go metal grey. It will be long, unkempt and pulled back severely into a bun. My scalp flakes at the temples. Fortunately, I will not pencil my eyebrows. I may even have thicker ones than I already do. Perhaps I will look almost masculine in this regard.

My skin will be scaly though. The disease will progress. By my twilight years, it will have gnawed its way from within, to seep through to the surface so that there is no way I can hide my shame from the world. Its toxic waste has infected my soul already. If you hang it out it billows in the wind, moth eaten.

I can still taste the intimate saltiness of my brother.
His hot excitement threatening to spill over.
In my mouth.
Over my hands.
My chest.
I remember his smell.
My touch.

In the darkened hallway, on my knees, I used what senses I had to find my way.

On telly, I’ve watched the Angel Monica tell a multitude of people that God loves them despite their sins. But never an incestuous one. It seems no guiding light is cast upon them. Not now. Not in dark hallways.

How do I give poetry to incestral ugly? What sap flows through my roots, which ground me as each limb contorts and gnarls to look like death in life?

This is a copse I don’t wish to visit, yet it is part of the landscape in which I dwell. Nothing blossoms here. Instead, infinite decomposition without explanation.

I avoid my brother. Only he knows what his elbows and knees look like. The older and woodier I become, how desperate I am to rid this tangled part of me. Yet in life, my roots are revealed along the way. My journey of ancestry only links me to my experience of incestry. I have one life map and any path I take, leads me back to that which I seek to flee. What memories I try to amputate, fall to the ground, rot, go back into the earth, only to feed my familial roots once again.

No foundation, cheap or otherwise will mask ancestry, patterns, past or present.

Nutri-metics cream is not as good as it claims to be. I try to apply it absentmindedly, while watching telly, reading or sitting at my desk. Of course, I never can as I have to consciously decide to squeeze some out onto my rough bark skin. I inhale the apricots and by sheer association of ideas, I remember why I have the cream in the first place. It reminds me…….of absolutely everything.

I have several 100 year snapshots of maternal lineage, whose austere gaze transfix me. Like great oaks they stand in self-imposed majesty. What secrets are held within their breast at the moment the shutter clicked? Across generations, the same eyes peer out from oddly similar faces. They are privy to my stain on their blessed genealogical landscape. I ponder when my legacy was born. Who dared pass this cup to me? I am met with a thick, dusty curtain of incestral silence. It looms around me like a soot cloud.

How do I rip the wings from butterflies and feel it is good? Yet it is what I will do when I tell the people I love.

Meantime, I wonder about symbolism, hairstyles, how the lines on our face are the written histories of our life. As the bus made its way to Fremantle yesterday, I read the story of an elderly woman who boarded in Beaconsfield.

Strong woman.
Subjected to trials and tribulations
Beautiful snowy mass with just a hint of blue.
She figured she was worth it.
I expect she was.
Roots firmly fixed in the landscape.
A L’oreal woman for sure.

As we came over the hilly rise of Lefroy Street, the sun’s golden rays were dazzling and settled easily upon her. There was no doubt in my mind that she at least was loved by the Angel Monica.

hillwalker
05-14-2010, 09:38 AM
This is an awesome piece of writing - a touch of 'stream of consciousness' that really makes the reader sit up and take note.

It's a bit like watching a road accident in slow motion - you would rather look away, especially as the language becomes more sinister and the outcome becomes more clearly defined, but your curiosity and fear won't let you.

It is one of the most powerful and 'poetic' stories I have read on this forum. And if I may, I would humbly suggest that the prose you are writing here is in a different league to your poems (a backwards compliment perhaps, but I hope you accept it with the grace it is being offered).

I would just query your use of the word 'incestral' - is it a typo, or is it a combination word suggesting both ancestral and incestuous?

Brilliant stuff!

H

Delta40
05-14-2010, 09:42 AM
thank you. I coined the term 'incestral' to underline the very close relationship to 'ancestral'

hillwalker
05-14-2010, 10:51 AM
I thought perhaps you had.....
Clever clever

Delta40
05-14-2010, 09:23 PM
Everyone is welcome to give feedback....I don't mind...honest!

1n50mn14
05-14-2010, 11:18 PM
I'd like to say for now that I was surprised when I found myself drawn in and reading the whole thing- the first paragraph or so made me doubtful, but I got drawn in. I'd like to come back and offer some suggestions/critique after re-reading a time or two, if that's okay.

Delta40
05-15-2010, 12:18 AM
thanks

Steven Hunley
05-15-2010, 12:22 AM
It was good and it was powerful and it took reading to read it. It was as much effort to read as I imagine it was to write. So it was rewarding. Only a woman could have written such a thing. It pulled no punches. I like it when women pull no punches because it is expected of them simply because they're women. Thank you for posting. We needed that here.

Delta40
05-15-2010, 03:54 AM
thanks Steve. I wrote this over a year ago. I decided it was time to give it to others.

Delta40
05-15-2010, 08:19 AM
Any other feedback? I want to submit this for publication

Delta40
05-15-2010, 06:43 PM
...sigh I really would appreciate any comments on this piece - I don't mind if you don't review any of my other work...:-)

hillwalker
05-15-2010, 07:05 PM
Delta, as I already said, it is a very strong piece of writing, personal and gritty.

No doubt many people have read it and felt uncomfortable about responding - for fear of offending you because they found it disturbing..... because they were embarassed by the subject matter and weren't able to find the right words..... because it hit too close to home..... who knows?

But those of us who have posted our crits obviously believe in your ability as a skilled writer..... and you should take great pride in reaching so many hearts.
Don't use the silence of the 'masses' as an excuse to hold back the reins. If you feel ready to publish, then I wish you good luck.

H

Delta40
05-15-2010, 07:52 PM
thanks Hillwalker. I will go forth an conquer!

PrinceMyshkin
10-27-2010, 05:43 PM
I was late getting to this because I don't visit the short story forum regularly. It is indeed a masterful piece of writing but I think there is possibly too much emphasis on the quality of the writing and not enough on the telling, the prosaic details. I infer that the narrator was sexually molested by her brother, but for this to be the short story I think it wants to be, we need a bit of the actual event, what either of them was wearing at the time, for example, a line or two of dialogue between them, some reference to where either of their parents were at the time.

Delta40
10-27-2010, 06:05 PM
good points Prince. I will revisit it with those suggestions in mind.

zoolane
10-28-2010, 03:47 AM
Well done Delta, I so pleased that you felt brave enough to posted it. I love this peice because all about you and your feelings. It really clever way of the that style you wrote it in. I just want to give to great big hug. The poems super touch. :grouphug:

Delta40
10-28-2010, 07:01 AM
Thanks Zoo.

Delta40
01-09-2011, 06:42 PM
I'm bumping this because I have to develop some monologues for a play I'm writing. Do people think with a bit of trimming, this would be a good monologue? I would appreciate any suggestions.

MrLightening
04-22-2011, 11:17 PM
Well, I am impressed. It is a unique piece of writing told in a very unique way. The strongest part of it comes from you, the writer, and your previous experience in writing. The way you wrote this story, is sort of like a gentle walk through a jungle; leaving one intrigued at the countless images that capture the eye. As a previous poster mentioned, it takes work to read it, but not nearly as much work as somebody else's (bad) writing. More so that the reader would come to see things they missed the first time round, because it is structured in such a way that the information comes in short bursts; from all directions. Loribell's the Visitor is much better in use of sexual abuse awareness; but I don't think that was your aim with writing this.
I hope you were able to find a publisher! ;)

Delta40
04-22-2011, 11:22 PM
You're right. I wasn't writing this to raise awareness. More like where are we on our path from victim to survivor? What is contained in part of that journey etc etc.

thanks for reading.