Biggus
05-14-2010, 05:38 AM
LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 1
No matter which road I decide to travel along
Road works have got there before me it seems
I think its part of a new government initiative
“The dig up the roads to cause congestion scheme”
BAGGAGE REGULATIONS
A vulture boarded
A jumbo jet
Carrying two dead
Marmoset
The stewardess said
"I'm sorry sir,
Only one carrion
Per passenger"
LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 2
It seems that no matter which road I travel
As soon as I turn onto it the road works begin
They always get there before me with one exception
There are never any problems on the road to ruin
OUT OF SERVICE
There was a ship rotting in a naval dock
I asked a man if he knew its history
He said it was a Minesweeper once
I didn’t press him but it seemed to me
For a ship to be a Minesweeper once
Was not really a unique ability
A WING AND A PRAYER
If the wings travel faster than the fuselage,
And you are in a helicopter, that’s ok
However if you are in any other aircraft
It’s probably a very good time to pray
LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 3
It seems that no matter which road I travel
As soon as I turn onto it the road works begin
But it’s not the road works themselves I mind so much
It’s that they’re never filling the bloody Potholes in
ROAD HOGS
Some drivers are so selfish
And some are arrogant with it
It seems that when they buy a car
They think the road comes with it
STAY, STAY, STAY
Conscious of the danger to an animal
Being left inside a parked car
A woman opened the car window
So her puppy could get some air
But the little pup saw the open window
As a route to escape the car
And the woman had to stop
Before she had got very far
She stood and pointed at the dog
Firmly saying stay, stay, stay
A woman of the blonde persuasion
Was watching her from some distance away
But she had to keep repeating it
Until she felt it safe to go
The blonde woman shouted to her
“You can use the hand brake you know”
ROAD RAGE # 2
I hate driving
I hate what it does to me
I strive to be better
And behave courteously
But the second
The car door slams
I feel myself change
Into a different man
I lose my communication skills
Speaking in gestures
Or coded messages on the horn
That don’t relieve the pressure
Driving makes me intolerant
Impatient and aggressive
It makes me angry
Selfish and abusive
I hate driving
I hate what it does to me
It fills me with rage
For every thing I see
No matter which road I decide to travel along
Road works have got there before me it seems
I think its part of a new government initiative
“The dig up the roads to cause congestion scheme”
BAGGAGE REGULATIONS
A vulture boarded
A jumbo jet
Carrying two dead
Marmoset
The stewardess said
"I'm sorry sir,
Only one carrion
Per passenger"
LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 2
It seems that no matter which road I travel
As soon as I turn onto it the road works begin
They always get there before me with one exception
There are never any problems on the road to ruin
OUT OF SERVICE
There was a ship rotting in a naval dock
I asked a man if he knew its history
He said it was a Minesweeper once
I didn’t press him but it seemed to me
For a ship to be a Minesweeper once
Was not really a unique ability
A WING AND A PRAYER
If the wings travel faster than the fuselage,
And you are in a helicopter, that’s ok
However if you are in any other aircraft
It’s probably a very good time to pray
LIFE’S HIGHWAY # 3
It seems that no matter which road I travel
As soon as I turn onto it the road works begin
But it’s not the road works themselves I mind so much
It’s that they’re never filling the bloody Potholes in
ROAD HOGS
Some drivers are so selfish
And some are arrogant with it
It seems that when they buy a car
They think the road comes with it
STAY, STAY, STAY
Conscious of the danger to an animal
Being left inside a parked car
A woman opened the car window
So her puppy could get some air
But the little pup saw the open window
As a route to escape the car
And the woman had to stop
Before she had got very far
She stood and pointed at the dog
Firmly saying stay, stay, stay
A woman of the blonde persuasion
Was watching her from some distance away
But she had to keep repeating it
Until she felt it safe to go
The blonde woman shouted to her
“You can use the hand brake you know”
ROAD RAGE # 2
I hate driving
I hate what it does to me
I strive to be better
And behave courteously
But the second
The car door slams
I feel myself change
Into a different man
I lose my communication skills
Speaking in gestures
Or coded messages on the horn
That don’t relieve the pressure
Driving makes me intolerant
Impatient and aggressive
It makes me angry
Selfish and abusive
I hate driving
I hate what it does to me
It fills me with rage
For every thing I see