Hallow Father Of Shangri Lai

[Jesterhead]

I hear them whisper my name
Feel them watching every now and again
Black blood within memories stain
The scar blurred from rain

If I were to die
No plot at the cemetary lie
No dramatic tears to cry
No'one with me fly

Look at me
Floading like the breeze
Forcing you to your kness
Brake you with ease
Feel my brutal demon release
Upon the fist of a beast
Rippin you piece from piece
Within my roots strong like trees
Im filtred in your memories

I wanna die by no'ones cut
Maybe I get angel wings
So I can cut them of cook 'em up
And have some halloween dings

I take my halo off and crawl
As I Put it in pandoras box
Hang it on the wall
Maybe you think its a golden paradox

Finally, I can twist and twirl
Alone in my own world
See my soul resurrect
In a world thats defect

Wave at my sorrows thought
Through the window of hearse
Crying blood
It all stops and it gets worse

My soul is almost lost
And he can only see the pain
Hot dripping lust
Will always run through this one vain

I feel the spirits rise
When the black birds fly
When its time to die
Only the crows know why

Ban lamp Kilpen Urges
The apocalypse of the Seven Churches
In the Wilderness of kadesh
My soul rest

Talk in reverse and it shall appear
Standing in front of you with smile ear to ear
Eyes of a cat, teeth eating your natural habitat
Scale of a fish, A dream of a wish

Now you are left to burn forever
All the demons cry together
Doomed to live with the black feather
Feeling the whip of burning leather

[hillwalker]

This is the best poem of yours I have read so far, jesterhead. A vast improvement on your more old-fashioned pieces that were written in a quite an archaic style.

That's not to say that I understand all of the references - Kilpen and the Seven Churches (?). That might well be due to my ignorance of various religious/mythical terms - particularly Northern or Central European deities and the like. But that does not detract from the powerful elements you invoke.

There are several grammatical errors that would upset a number of purists - but I note your location and commend you on your efforts if English is a second language.

Thank you for sharing your work with us.

H

[MorpheusSandman]

I'm in full agreement with hill about this being, by far, your best piece so far, Jester. It's not just the modernization and lack of archaicism and anachronisms but it's the vivid originality and force that the lines carry. There are some truly stunning moments like: "Maybe I get angel wings || So I can cut them of cook 'em up || And have some halloween dings". I also love your sustained use of end-rhymes which has an odd effect of lending the the lines a dramatic tension. Because it's so dark when you finally break away from the rhyme it's almost like a release. The use of allusions also lend the piece a richness. All in all I think this is an awesome piece. Definitely one to be proud of.

@hillwalker: The seven churches refer to the seven major churches in Asia named in the Book of Revelation. It's been to long for me to say much more than that, but they basically figure into the End Times.

[Buh4Bee]

vital and gripping- almost demonic. Nothing at all like Chicken Soup for the feminine soul.

[Jesterhead]

thanks a lot, I wanted to create a very powerful tone throughout the piece that was very straightforward and cynical.

You gave me the advice to break away from the archaisms i use in my poetry, I do enjoy the modernization aswell, but I haven't deleted the ancient style from my repetoire.

[MorpheusSandman]

I'm of the mind that it's good to have as many tools in your poetic repertoire as possible. A poet who knows when to employ archaisms for effect will have one leg-up on an equally talented poet that doesn't.

[lallison]

This is the first poem of yours I've read, but the other comments have made my mind wonder, so I must read some of your previous work.

My first thought was that it reminded me of a heavy metal song from the 80s. Something you might hear on a GWAR or Metallica album.

This line stood out to me as particularly graphic:

Wave at my sorrows thought
Through the window of hearse
Crying blood
It all stops and it gets worse
To me, your real achievement here is the raw explosion of energy that radiates from the piece. It's a bit like looking at a Jackson Pollock painting with an evil dancing madman doing all the splattering.

thanks for sharing

[Jesterhead]

yea archaisms definatly brings effect to the poem.

I haven't thought of this as a Jackson Pollock painting with an evil dancing madman before, but I definatly like that.

[Bar22do]

Jester, I love this one, especially the "rocky" path you take freely, with its risks. It's head blowing and dense with effective imagery and references, yes, apocalyptic, though so sour, also, with biting sarcasm (to me...) - I very much agree with lumière, regarding the association with Pollock! Bravo for this poem, and best regards! - Bar

[Jesterhead]

thank you!