Identity Crises: I thought I Was a Balloon

[SilentMute]

This will be in several chapters and added to gradually.

Chapter 1: Origins

I don't really have many memories of my early life. I suppose, in that regard, I am no different from anyone else. How many people do remember being created?

The earliest memory I have is being covered in lubricant. I don't know what it was, but it felt very nice. Then I was sealed inside a cellophane wrapper. It was dark, quiet, and cozy. Every so often, I heard sounds on the outside--though they were always muffled.

I don't know how long I was suspended in that wrapper. Time was meaningless. It was very peaceful. There was no thought. I never tried to figure out what the sounds were on the outside. They were. I was. Life was simple.

Not that thinking is bad, mind you. It is just not usually peaceful. Happy thoughts are, but they share the podium with many other kinds of thoughts. Sometimes I think too much or think upsetting things, and it gives me a headache. What is the purpose of my life and am I doing it? Am I too big? Am I too small? Is this hole in my body suppose to be there? Is he better than me? Why does he think he is better than me, when I think he is a total loser? Doe she like me? Do I like her? Or do I like her friend better? Or do I like her brother better? Did I close the window? What was that guy's name I met the other day? Am I thinking too much? I remember watching that self-help seminar the other day, where that person who has no formal training and is a former drug addict was giving advice on how to live your life...and she said you shouldn't think so much. You should do more. Am I thinking rather than doing? I don't know. Let me think about it. Oh, Joey! That was the guy's name!

The next real memory I had was the cellophane wrapper being squeezed. Then I heard a loud rip over my head. Prying fingers snatched me out of my sanctuary. Suddenly, I was in a world full of light, sound, and so many sights! I was rather disoriented at first. I couldn't take it all in.


* * * * *

[SilentMute]

The owner of the fingers that held me said, "Ew! It's all gooey!"

"Blow it up!"

Fingers tried, but all he did was make a farting sound and spit all over me.

"Here, let me try!" his friend snatched me away.

The friend clamped his mouth around my opening. Then I felt hot air go up my nether regions. I can't say it was very pleasant.

The boy took a break in between puffs, trying to imprison the air inside me by squeezing my opening together. He wasn't quite successful, and air escaped out my back end. I felt a little better for it, though I felt embarrassed--particularly when they laughed.

For a while, that became their new game. I would be blown up, then let go. I would zoom through the air until the gas had escaped, and then I would crash land. Fortunately, being a soft material, the landing wasn't so bad. I did get very dirty, though, because the lubricant attracted dirt. I became a palette of these people's bad housekeeping and of their lives. Pet dander, sticky spilled grape soda, cigarette ash, the dirt that was swept under the couch...it was quite disgusting.

After a while, the one boy got winded. I was blown up one more time, and my end was tied off. I felt very uncomfortable. You know that feeling when you want to let out a big fart but you can't? That was how I felt.

Then the two boys started smacking me around. I was wondering what I had done to deserve such abuse. One misjudged his aim, and I flew out the window.

Frankly, I was glad to be away from the juvenile delinquents. I lightly descended downwards.

"Hey, you!" a gruff voice snapped, startling me.

I managed to turn and saw a red balloon.


* * * * *

I'll try to type Chapter 2 on this thread tomorrow

[hillwalker]

Good start..... and even though I already know what you are from other posts, it's still an interesting read.

Just a couple of observations from the sidelines.

The line 'There was no thought' is followed fairly shortly by nothing but thoughts.
Perhaps 'There was only thought' makes more sense. Unless the process of thinking did come later, in which case you need to elaborate how and when it started.

'What is the purpose of my life, and am I doing it?' makes more sense without the 'my'.

And personally, the paragraph where you itemise all your random thoughts goes on a bit too long, slows the story down and introduces too many unknown characters.
I would take out the sentences from 'Is he better than me?' to 'Or do I like her brother better?' These thought processes can appear later in the story if they are relevant.
I do like the off-the-wall non-sequitir 'Did I close the window?' though.

I'll look forward to finding out where this leads. Thanks for sharing it with us.

H

EDIT - just seen your second installment. Much better pace.

[dizzydoll]

Excellent I enjoyed reading this and await for your next episode.



Not that thinking is bad, mind you. It is just not usually peaceful.

No truer words have ever been spoken. :thumbsup:

And of course I always enjoy reading Walkers words of wisdom in the form of advice.

[SilentMute]

@hillwalker, thanks for the comments! Since I didn't expect to publish this, I only corrected spelling and grammar errors I spotted. It is essentially a first draft, so it may be rough. However, I never thought about some of the points you made--so it is helpful.

I invite anybody who likes short stories or likes writing to view my Can you? (finish the story) thread in the Forum Games in General Chat. I think Manachean and I have a nice story going on. I also welcome any participants.

I might have to do several posts for this story--I had some problems submitting when my stories got too long.

Chapter 2

"What do you think you're doing breaking formation?" he snapped, "This is in total violation of the Balloon Code!"

"I'm sorry," I said timidly, "I don't know the Balloon Code."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THE BALLOON CODE!" the red balloon sputtered, "NONSENSE! ALL BALLOONS ARE GIVEN THE BALLOON CODE BEFORE THEY ARE SEALED IN THEIR UNITS!"

"I....I wasn't."

The red balloon stared at me in disbelief, then sighed irratably, "Green!"

"Yes, sir!" a green balloon answered amidst a huddle of other balloons of the same shape but different colors.

"Tell this free spirit the balloon code."

"All balloons are to remain in formation unless otehrwise placed by humans, air currents, clowns, or given the command by the head balloon...which is always the red balloon, because red balloons are the most awesome!"

"That is right!" the red balloon said in self-importance, "So now that you know the code, GET BACK INTO FORMATION!"

"Yes, sir!" I squeaked, nuzzling into the huddle.

[SilentMute]

I started sinking, though, and wound up being propped up on the butts and heads of other balloons.

"Hey!" a blue balloon yelled in annoyance.

"I'm sorry!" I wailed, "I can't seem to float like you guys can. How do you do that?"

"Helium, dude!" a yellow balloon said, "You've got to try it! It makes you feel groovy! You just feel like you're floating and that you're free! It gives your voice this squeaky sound."

I found the squeaky voice a bit jarring on the nerves.

A white balloon fidgeted and kicked me in the butt, "I can't breathe! Will you guys give me some room?"

"We're not allowed to break formation!" Green and Orange said in unison.

White sighed in disgust, "Lame brain followers! Red isn't so great! He's just a bully full of hot air! I wish somebody would pop him! I know lots of people who think other balloon colors are better than red!"

"Like pink!" a pink balloon said in a giggly, girlish voice.

"Or blue," a blue balloon said in low, almost depressed, tone.

"Only at baby showers!" the white balloon scoffed.

"At least we have color!" Orange sniffed, "White is so boring!"

"White can be interesting!" White insisted, "We go with everything, and people can draw designs on us! I know that in certain places, white is considered the best color!"

Either some balloon was losing air, or he was sniggering.

White's tirade was interrupted by Yellow, who was looking at me quizzically, "What color are you, dude? You look white, but I can see right through you!"

"I...don't know."

"You're a funny shape too!" Blue commented.

I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I thought I was like all the other balloons, but I wasn't. They were all solid colors, and I wasn't. They were oval-shaped, and I was more elongated.

[SilentMute]

I heard a bunch of squealing sounds.

"What is that?" I asked in alarm.

"Children," Yellow smiled, "Dudes! It's party time!"

"ALL RIGHT, BALLOONS! ATTENTION!" Red barked, "DO NOT SHAME OUR RACE TODAY! YOU WILL NOT FLY AWAY FROM THE LITTLE HANDS THAT JERK YOUR STRING! YOU WILL NOT DEFLATE PREMATURELY! YOU WILL NOT COMMIT SUICIDE BY IMPALING YOURSELF ON CIGARETTES AND SHARP OBJECTS AND MAKING THE LITTLE CHILDREN CRY! UNDERSTOOD?"

"Yes, sir!" the balloons answered in unison.

Suddenly, the formation was torn apart. Some of the comrades were tied to chairs, fence posts, or tree limbs. Others were given to the eager hands of squealing children.

I fell to the ground.

"YOU THERE!" Red bellowed, "STOP LAYING AROUND ON THE JOB! GET UP THIS INSTANT!"

I tried, but all I did was roll over, "I can't!"

I was nearly stepped on by little running feet. Fortunately, they just kicked me. The man who had brought the balloons noticed me and picked me up. He carried me into the house. He entered a bedroom. He placed me on the vanity.

[SilentMute]

Enjoying the peace, I watched him with curiosity. He was apparently a cross-dresser...one with exceedingly bad taste. He put on baggy orange pants with green stripes that were held up by blue suspenders. His red shoes were five sizes too big, and he wore one brown sock and one white sock. He wore a silky fuschia shirt with a pink bow tie that had purple polka dots. Then he placed a red-orange wig with uncombed, wild hair on his head.

Then he caked thick white foundation all over his face. I guess he wanted Angelina Jolie lips (after being stung by bees), for he drew the outline of his lips until they covered half his cheek, touched his nose, and nearly touched his chin. He also overly extended his eyeliner and then filled the area in with dark purple eyeshadow.

A woman entered, "You almost ready?" The natives are getting restless."

The man put on a red, round nose. He squeezed it, and it made a honking noise.

The woman chuckled, straightening his bow tie, "You look great."

I figured she was blind.

"Hey, maybe afterwards, "the man said huskily into her ear, "We can play lonely divorced mom seducing the hired clown."

The woman laughed and put her hand on his chest, "I'm afraid not. This mom might get lonely, but she's not going to jump into bed with just any Bozo. She's got standards."

Good for her!

"Everybody loves a clown," the man sang, "So why don't you?"

The woman giggled and slapped his arm. The man grabbed me. They went outside.

[SilentMute]

The woman introduced Klutzy the Clown. The little tykes screamed in delight.

"Who wants balloon animals?" he asked.

Little arms waved frantically to protests of "I do!"

"Okay, birthday girl first! What would you like?"

"A giraffe!"

"A giraffe it is!"

He blew up an elongated ballon, which looked remarkably like me except it was yellow. He twisted and knotted it into some very uncomfortable positions.

"Ow! Ouch! Oh, I got a side stitch!" the yellow balloon yelped, "I can't breathe! Oh, that feels nice! No, it doesn't! That's a bad touch!"

The next child wanted a polar bear.

"Well, I've never made one of those, but let's see."

He grabbed me. He was about to twist me when one of the women yelped, "Henry! What is the big idea?"

"What?" the man asked, puzzled.

"Mommy, his name isn't Henry! It's Klutzy!" the birthday girl corrected her mother.

The mother ignored her and hissed, "That isn't a balloon!"

The man peered at me, then yelped, "I didn't realize! It was with all the others!"

"Put it away! Janice from the PTA board is here! I can imagine what she'll say if she vetoed doing Hansel and Gretl for the school play because it encouraged cannibalism!"

The man shoved me into the garbage, then took out another balloon.

I was rather upset to find myself in a garbage can, and extremely confused. I could see Red shaking his head in disapproval...though it may have been the air currents.

I wasn't a balloon? I looked like a balloon...sort of. If I wasn't a balloon, what was I?

[hillwalker]

This is hilarious and gets better with every additional post.

The only pity is that unfortunately it probably would not be considered appropriate as a kids' story given the subject matter.
Very lively stuff, and you write snappy dialogue really well.

[dizzydoll]

Wow, you have been a busy bee. It will have to keep till tomorrow morn [on the other side of the moon. lol.], I look forward to reading your story. I'm logging off now, good nite to both of you. :yawnb:

[SilentMute]

@hillwalker--never thought of it as a kid's story. It is totally different from the theme I wrote when I was eight years old. Oddly enough, the inspiration for both stories is a movie I remember seeing on the Disney channel. It was either The Balloon or The Red Balloon. It was a French film, I think. But of course, I have changed quite a few things.

And now, the end!
:party:

[SilentMute]

Chapter 3

Suddenly, a huge gust of wind blew me out of my rancid prison. Up and up the air current pushed me. I felt wetness sprinkle on my skin. Below me, the children and adults ran inside as the drops fell in greater number and harder. The rain washed the grime away, and I felt clean. The feeling was nice and even lightened my troubled thoughts on what I was.

The wind blew me back to the apartment building I had started out at. For a while, I rested on a fire escape. Then I was batted at by a stray cat and pecked at by some pigeons. They nearly popped me--but fortunately, I bounced onto an air conditioner frame down below. It was too narrow for the pigeons, and too far for the cat. People feed those pigeons too much.

I started to realize, though, that it wasn't fun to be a balloon..or whatever I was. People were just plain rude. People slapped me around, rejected me, pecked at me, and threw me away like yesterday's tuna sandwich! It wasn't fair!

The wind picked me up again, and I wound up getting caught in a nightgown. The clothes pins came undone, and the wind was strong enough to lift me up despite being entrapped within the nightgown.

Suddenly, I heard a screech. Through the guze-like material, I saw an elderly Spanish woman crossing herself and muttering a prayer in Spanish.

"Un fantasma!" she cried, and the hit me over the head with a broom. I was sent downward to the next floor.

"Oh, my head!" I moaned. I managed to wiggle free of the nightgown, "What's a fantasma?"

"It is Spanish for 'ghost', hombre," a rat said, nibbling on a piece of orange that had been discarded into the trash.

A ghost! That makes sense! Ghosts are translucent! I'm translucent! Of course, ghosts float....and I don't. Maybe though, that is why some ghosts are called "earth-bound" spirits.

I was thinking this outloud. The rat peered at me over his orange peel and said, "Trust me, you're not a ghost."

He scurried away, leaving me confused.

[SilentMute]

Suddenly, the sliding glass door opened. A gangly teenager stepped through. He noticed me and grinned. It was an evil grin. There were metal things in his mouth. He looked like he ate...whatever I was...for dinner.

"Hey, Tracey! Look what I found!" he picked me up and took me inside.

A teenage girl full of inflamed pimples smiled and clapped her hands, "It is a sign! God wants us to fornicate--even if we are Catholic and unwed!"

"Ah, yes!" her boyfriend said, "but remember, all is forgiven if we confess and we act sorry!"

"Do you think we can still use it?"

He undid the knot and let the air out of me. I felt much better...but it was short lived.

"It's fine! Not even a tear!"

"Great!"

I started to feel uneasy as the two started to do a strip tease. Then they started touching each other and moaning. I don't know what I was seeing, but I felt maybe I shoudn't be watching. It seemed too personal. Yet, I couldn't seem to look away.

Then the boy grabbed me and stretched me with his fingers. I thought I'd be torn apart. Then I felt something that was very solid going up inside of me. It pressed against my insides. It was a tight fit, and very uncomfortable.

The worst, though, was yet to come. The boy drove me into some dark cave. It was very moist, but not at all pleasant like the cellophane wrapper. It was hot, and something squeezed me continuously. I kept getting rammed into this obstruction. Then I felt a spurt of goo inside of me.

Finally, I was withdrawn from the abyss and back into the open air again. It never felt so fine! The boy ripped me off, tearing me slightly, then tossed me out the window into the refuse bin below. I was traumatized. I knew that after this, I would be claustrophobic.

[SilentMute]

"Hey, guys! Look who just dropped in! Another brother!"

I looked around and saw others that looked just like me.

"Hello!" one greeted me cheerfully.

"Hi."

There was a pause, the another said, "How did you come here?"

I was still too unnerved to get into much detail, so I gave a summary.

"Oh, cool! You were actually used in the way you were intended to!"

"I was?" I asked, horrified by the thought.

"Of course! You're a condom!"

"I am?"

"Yeah! So how was it? None of us got to find out!"

I said, "It was terrible! Why would we be destined for such a fate?"

One of the others shrugged, "I don't know. I'm not a philosopher. At least you got to be used for the purpose you were designed for. You fulfilled the plan!"

"You are happy about that?" I asked, "You don't care you were used in such a fashion and then thrown away like yesterday's tuna?"

"We were denied our purpose," another said, "The man that owned us had a little boy. He and his friend discovered us in his father's underwear drawer. They made water balloons out of us."

"Funny story," the other next to it snickered, "The man's wife is divorcing him. She thinks he is having an affair bcause all of the a sudden he doesn't have any condoms. She doesn't realize what her son and his friend did."

"I think that is rather sad," I said, "Not funny."

The other one sighed, "There is nothing worse than a condom with no sense of humor!"

"So that is it?" I asked, "We're destined to spend our days in a land fill? We won't even be recycled into water bottles or something?"

The others laughed. The first one to have spoken said, "I don't think people would want us to become water bottles...not even the environmentalists."

"It isn't so bad!" a second one said, "We're not biodegradable! We're going to last forever! We're going to be the remnnats of civilization after it is gone! Maybe some aliens will dig you up and clone humans from the DNA preserved inside you!"

[SilentMute]

And that is the end of my story. It isn't the greatest of endings. I found out I was a condom. I wasn't too happy to find that out and to discover my purpose. I would have rather been a firetruck. It didn't really please me to have fulfilled my intended purpose--totally disgusted me, to tell the truth. I still have nightmares about being trapped in the moist cave and, either being devoured or being unable to get out! I have a certain prestige among my fellows because I served the purpose, and that is nice...but I wake up screaming every night.

I wasn't happy where I wound up and how I would end my days--in a garbage dump.

However, we play the cards we are dealt. Sometimes our lives are not as we would wish them to be. Sometimes we can't do anything to alter our circumtances. I guess the lesson is to be grateful for what you do have.

And I did have my family. I sometimes got bored or annoyed with them, but at least I'm not alone in the garbage heap.


Finis

[dizzydoll]

I came back to read more of this delightful pornographic tale, lol. I really enjoyed this, right down to the very last dirty little detail which you outlined eloquently. Excellent job.

I dont see why children cant find fun in a story like this, the world is different today they know a lot more about sex than we realise at a young age. At least stories like this can act as reminders to the dangers of unprotected sex. Altho to be honest I've never used one, lol, so I wouldn't know what they feel like. But I dont sleep around so I'm safe.

Thank God I had an innocent youth.

[hillwalker]

Really original stuff here, SM.

You have a brilliant way of skewing reality so that we are forced to look at things from a fresh perspective.

And your sense of humour is fabulous.
.....and as I said, what a shame it can't be shared with the kiddies.

H

BTW - I think the film you saw was 'The Red Balloon' (it rings a bell somewhere in my memory banks)

[SilentMute]

Thanks, guys!

Well, you know, dizzy--while kids do know quite a bit about sex, that doesn't mean their parents are very enlightened.

Besides, I find that kids are knowledgeable in misinformation--as well as adults. I was surprised in my class, when we were discussing female reproduction and pregnancy, that one woman didn't know the difference between a liveborn infant and a stillborn. A man didn't know what a miscarriage was. I thought these were pretty basic terms--though the woman speaks English as a second language.

[dizzydoll]

Well, you know, dizzy--while kids do know quite a bit about sex, that doesn't mean their parents are very enlightened.

I agree, parents were backward when I was young too. lol.

However I might add, I wouldnt feel much happiness in knowing 13 year olds are sexually active if I had a 13 year old wondering around today. Phew,!!, looks like I dodged the bullet on that score.