Bike Ride to the Sea Seid (Side)

[Sea in Side]

Laces: laced up, tuck my loose ends. Check. Pant legs: rolled up, the loose ends tucked. Check. My phone: off, and up. No loose ends. Check. I know exactly where it is; much like me, it's packed in to a corner in the dark. Tangled precariously with things like me, reaching out with our bars and wires, just trying to make a connection. The light from the kitchen door falls dramatically on my back, I become the savior I desire, as my hands become god-like. I reach into the wreckage and save it from tangled confusing mess its been in since last summer. And much like me it's flat; nothing a little air can't fix. I mount and its a little awkward, like the first time between young lovers. Soon our motions become one and by the time my house is out of sight my problems are fading away like the hundreds of yellow dashes I glide over with ease.

On the road its easier to forget the things behind me, and focus on the path ahead. I trade my financial woes for the bum asking for change I'm planning to dodge; it's easier than stopping to tell him I'm barely better off than he is. I exchange memories of breasts and hips for the crests and dips of the asphalt. I stop worrying about where I'll be 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years from now, and focus on the curb 2 pedals in front of me. I lift, it lifts, we lift. We've really found our rhythm now. I kick down, it pushes up, and we go forward, slow and fluid. We let cars and drivers pass us by, speeding to the things they consider important.

[Sea in Side]

Just a rough idea in progress. I need to find the time to find my real bike and take a real ride for inspiration and quality.

[Cunninglinguist]

You resemble Strongsad

[Sea in Side]

I suppose I can see it.

[dizzydoll]

Thats an excellent description of a bike ride. Good one as usual Sea. :thumbsup:

[Sea in Side]

Thats an excellent description of a bike ride. Good one as usual Sea. :thumbsup:

You sound like my mom.

[dizzydoll]

I take that as a compliment. :biggrinjester:

You do have a catchy way of writing, so I'm not being insincere.

[Sea in Side]

Ah now I'm intrigued. Can you elaborate on "catchy". I do have one particular element of my style that I really like that I'm not sure if anyone has caught on to yet. Unfortunately I kind of broke form on this one, here's the hint: I should've taken 'Bike' out of the title.

[hillwalker]

The element I noticed in both your pieces I have read so far is your clever use of metaphor.

You write in great detail about one thing and yet seem to be referring to another at the same time -

in this piece I felt you were trying to remember a previous lover perhaps (in an innocuous way) whereas in your previous one (Sea Chapter) there was a vivid description of being cast adrift in a boat, yet it was never made absolutely clear that was actually the case.....

Am I missing the point or something?


EDIT

..... and completely from another direction of thought, I did think for a moment it was a wheel-chair you were navigating rather than a bike in this particular story.....

I await more clues to this intriguing puzzle you have set us.

[Sea in Side]

yet it was never made absolutely clear



Red hot!

[Sea in Side]

RaInspired also contains this very crucial element. I decided the title doesn't count.

[Buh4Bee]

I should've taken 'Bike' out of the title.


:lol::lol:

[dizzydoll]

RaInspired
Do you hear it?
Open the window and let it pitter on the screen and patter on the blinds and drip in through your ears and drop into mind.
Let the cool breeze splash on your bed,
let the lightning flash in your head,
let the thunder crash.
Lay back and think.

Do you feel it?
Grab your keys, they're on the floor. Forget your jacket, walk out the door.
Swim outside and feel the wind, and millions of drops as they melt your skin,
cool away and become something new, something clean, something fresh, something more like you.
Breathe it in.
Look up and drink.

Do you see it?
Hit the lights and light one up, let it pour in to your old paper cups.
Take a drag, pause and blow,
Ash a trail to where ever you go.
Start the engine and feel the roar,
mix like music with the steady down pour.
Forget the wipers, let the glass get glazed,
just this time, lets drive blind,
and go unfazed.
Stop kicking and sink.

Ok, let me look at your two submissions to find which element of your style is in both. I cant see it, I'm sure Walker or one of the others will when they see the two on the same page.

[Sea in Side]

Its one of those things that's so glaringly obvious you don't even notice it.

[dizzydoll]

Is its something simple like your love of water? Or are we looking for a symbolic ideal? You have to give us a clue, otherwise my next would be... wind, air, sound, life, ... do you get my point?

[hillwalker]

Sea in Side

I get the feeling you are teasing the reader again - do you actually go out into the rain or is it just your imagination? Did you really jump on your bike? Were you floating adrift in a boat?

Perhaps the answer to all these questions is 'no'. Perhaps it's even referring to a drug-induced state? Who knows?

Your faithful readers demand to be told the truth.

[dizzydoll]

NOW. lol

[Sea in Side]

Ughh, you were sooo close and now you couldn't be farther from the truth. I thought the hint would've made it so easy. I'll try to word it better. All three works as a whole, minus the word bike in title of Bike Ride to the Sea Seid, and the word rain in the title of RaInspired, are 'missing' something. The fact that you don't notice is exactly what I wanted to achieve. Give up?

[hillwalker]

Ok - I think I get it. You manage to avoid 'naming' the actual thing you are writing about in each of the 3 individual pieces.
As you say, apart from the titles, the words BOAT, RAIN and BIKE do not appear anywhere.
If I'm right, it's a very clever little conundrum
- and BTW, I claim my free prize.....

H :-)

[Sea in Side]

I present you with


"Pat on the back"
Quantity 1(s)
Redeemable at all participating locations
VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW
EXPIRES 1/1/2010

[hillwalker]

Nicely done, sir

[Steven Hunley]

This proved too clever for me. Then when it was pointed out I got it. Maybe leave the word "Bike" in. Aren't they the two things you can't forget to know how to do?

[Sea in Side]

Riding a bike and??

[dizzydoll]

Riding a bike and??

...singing in the rain.

Good one Sea. Cant say I found the answer too exciting, but still, different strokes for different folks. lol. Congratulations Walker, you seem to be on a winning roll. As soon as Sea corrects his date: EXPIRES 1/1/2010

[Sea in Side]

It wasn't a mistake, don't you hate expired coupons. As for the answer, it wasn't supposed to be like a revelation or anything, it's just the key feature to my style. Now that everyone knows you'll be on the look out for it ;)

[dizzydoll]

My comment was tongue in cheek. Yup we look forward to more too but dont be too surprised if you need to point out more for me. lol

[SilentMute]

Well, I like it--though I don't know if I'm getting what you want me to be getting. I have a knack of coming up with a totally different interpretation than what the author was communicating.

I hated poetry in school for that reason. I remember the look my English teacher gave me when I told her my interpetation of Robert Frost's "The Road Less Taken" or something like that. Of course, while my explanation was more sci-fi and creative, I totally missed the point.

Hmmm...maybe I should refrain from commenting on the poetry forum. Might get crucified.:lol:

[dizzydoll]

Hmmm...maybe I should refrain from commenting on the poetry forum. Might get crucified.:lol:

lol. No they wont, believe me... I cant speak english to save me and those poets are most gracious. I put it down to good breeding.

Like this comment, they might not enjoy the word English written as english, but they will refrain from rubbing it in my face. lol.

[Sea in Side]

I'd love to hear what you got out of it. Obviously its not done and I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. Something to the effect of: my life is a lot like the bike. It's been tucked away in a dark corner in the garage. The story is about taking time to slow down, forget about all your problems and enjoy a little air.

[hillwalker]

SinS -

I thought the boat-related piece was the most powerful of the three and had a lot more scope for continuation. You really got me hooked with that one. And the imagery and atmosphere you created were top notch.

RaInspired was a great poem - if you are thinking of combining it with the others as a story then I'm sure it's possible to rejig it into prose - and again expand it into a longer piece.

The bike was the least effective - too much detail in the paraphernalia of getting properly dressed, dragging out the bike, etc. It would probably benefit from a shorter intro and concentating on hitting the road, and seeing where thejourney takes you.

Quite how you combine all three? Well, that's a puzzle you've set yourself this time.

great stuff tho, and your technique and originality will stand you in good stead

H

[Sea in Side]

The poem came together very rapidly and pretty much fell right into place. The bike ride was for fun and I'd really like to finish it, but its not my focus. "Let's Sea" (Title in progress) is my favorite for the effort and literary muscle I was flexing, but I put a lot of weight on the bars and I'm mentally too tired to give it the middle and end it deserves. Hopefully by the end of summer =/

SS