Moon Man

[Alexander III]

I am the

[PrinceMyshkin]

There's an extraordinary freedom of the imagination in this, in most of it, but I think you lost it (or me) here:


I hate the masses…I loath them with putrid emotions which I long to banish yet they boil in my soul with their susurrations lurking as vile tendrils tainting my mind

where suddenly in place of the vivid imagery elsewhere, we have rant and I for one, having been carried thus far by the authority of the speaker's imagination, am prompted to ask But who the hell are you to assume this superior attitude? What exactly do you mean by this most empty of words "the masses"?

[MorpheusSandman]

Like most of your work, Alex, this has some truly evocative language... to borrow a line from the poem itself, it's quite immersive. I somewhat agree with Prince though I'm not quite as hostile to those aspects. I think, perhaps, the flaw is not really using perspective here. A man on the moon observing humanity could literally only "see" the masses, so it's hard to contrast this idea with him "bathing" in the individuality. I also think the piece suffers from entropy; after the "masses" part it never quite captured the magic of those opening lines.

[Alexander III]

Ah well I used the description of the "masses" as a contrast to the "individual" to show how the beauty of the later and the banality and tragedy of the former.

Ah and now that you have pointed it out Morph I can see what you mean in how the poem weakens after the masses bit, I guess I unleashed my entire poetic creativity in the first few lines, using only a flickering remnant to for the later half of the poem.

[Alexander III]

I am the solitary stoner musing on the dark side of the moon
I look down at the rotating ball of blue life, listening to the thoughts and troubles of millions...as they swirl in a galactic tapestry…stringing together the universe of existence
I look past the facade of reality, striping the raw nature of the solitary individual from its hidden loins, and letting the wild aroma of pure emotion float above my head
I bathe my self in the true thoughts of the individual… I loose my self in the essence of the individual…I cannot help but love…I love the raw nature of the individual…I love the individual…

I loath the masses…their crimson stench penetrates the high climes of beauty and poisons my forlorn haunt, upon this lone rock in the sea of life…

I have found my Home upon the moon…far far away from the blue ball of life…

Here I rest with solitude fondling my essence and contemplation of all that is unseen beyond the depths of reality...
Here I watch the bright white sails of life, chart their mystic course, searching for what I search…
The warp of the black sea of nature looms perilously above my blind mind
I long to leap forth and immerse my self in the vast void… letting the cold void caress my soul and drift me to the ethereal land of lands

Yet I remain upon the moon…
This is my true Home…not the blue ball…not the ethereal void…the moon shall shine with the light of my confused doom at the cold curtains of reality which suffocate our souls…

I have fled what I cannot bear… yet upon the moon I can flee no longer...
I must face the taunts of agony… I must bear the chore of Life
I am the man on the moon…

On a lone night of cosmic thought ponder your thirsting eyes towards me…
Examine my soul as I emanate yours
Ponder me as I ponder you
Breath the fresh air of companionship as I whisper into your delicate ears that you are not alone…as I am not alone…

[dizzydoll]

What a wonderful tale of the man in the moon who has fallen in love. Really enjoyable read, isnt space just a fabulous place to drift away to?

Good job.

[Buh4Bee]

I just completely love the free verse poems you have been writing. As lovely as the last stanza is- I'm not sure if it fits with the rest of the poem. Isn't the message of the poem about being happily alone? Besides this "constructive criticism", it's very lovely.

[MorpheusSandman]

I much prefer the new version, Alex. The piece flows much better and even though the "masses" line still doesn't fit quite right (it seems so solitary compared to the tone and feel of everything else) the second half seems to steadily build upon what came before it.