Hello there.

[Caderyn]

I am a high school senior and currently stressing about what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I know that I have time to think about what I want, but I feel pressured into figuring it all out now. I tend to think of the destination as the most important aspect of life. The journey is only there to test my patience. All of my plans are in the realm of unrealistic and the adjective "starving" is frequently used in conjunction. And yes, I am very pessimistic. Excuse the angst.

My hobbies are reading, writing, drawing and watching the History Channel on occasion. Most of my interests bore my family to death and it's a rare find when I meet someone in real life who knows enough about some obscure historical figure and not get on my nerves. I recently wrote a novel that will never see the light of day and I wrote several short stories that are decent enough to be read by others.

My favorite authors are pretty much the ones with their own adjectives and I'm also a fan of Oscar Wilde.

Hmm, I guess that's it.

[SilentMute]

Welcome to the forum!

Your feelings are normal, and get used to having a crisis every ten years. Also realize that your goals will change because more than likely you will change. When I was your age, I wanted to be an archaeologist. Life got in the way, or I let it get in the way. Now I am 35 and getting vocational training for medical coding. I'm not unhappy with my life, but I didn't do any of the goals I had established for myself when I was your age.

There was always pressure on young people, but I would say it is particularly bad now. I'm glad I did my youth in a time that had a better economy.

If you can, try to alter your viewpoint to enjoying the trip to a destination rather than the destination being all important. Destinations have a nasty habit of going-out-of-business, having detours, or being unapproachable...and sometimes even if you do get there, you find out it wasn't what you expected or want. Sometimes you change your mind en route. If you enjoy the journey, you will realize that you pick up a lot of wisdom as souvenirs--and you won't feel like you've wasted your life if the destination is disappointing or you don't reach it.

Sorry if this seems preachy. An annoying quality as you get older is this desire to pass on your wisdom to a younger generation who probably doesn't want to hear it.

[Caderyn]

I appreciate the advice, really. It’s not often that somebody gives me a response other than “I don’t know, figure it out yourself” and I’d be lucky even to get that answer. Whenever I talk to my parents about my problem(s), they’ll dismiss me because apparently they had it worse when they were my age. Maybe this is true, I don’t know because I wasn’t there. Oddly enough, it fails to make me feel better and the last time I checked, it didn’t help me solve my problem.

I guess I never realized that I might not like the destination (or even get there for that matter). To be honest, the thought never occurred to me, even though I should’ve seen it from the beginning. And I probably sounded like my peers who only care about instant gratification. As if I’m entitled to everything, which I’m not. What I’m really concerned about is that if I mess up, there’ll always be somebody there to say, “I told you so” literally and figuratively.

Quite frankly, I think it’s easier to listen to people than to figure everything out by experimentation. It’s probably because I’m more of an observer than anything else.

[SilentMute]

I'm an observer too, but you just have to sometimes experience things yourself. You don't want to spend your whole life observing things only anyway--even the bad stuff has benefits. You may not see it at the time, and some people fail to see it. Last year, I was being cyber stalked and cyber bullied. All my friends had sided with this guy on the forum I was on (it wasn't LitNet). People said it was my fault--even though this guy had done it to other people. I wanted to kill myself, I was so depressed. The internet isn't the whole world--because it doesn't mean everybody is going to go to this one web site--but it certainly feels like it. I've been alive long enough to know that you have to give things time--you won't feel the same about something forever, so suicide is a waste.

I'm grateful it happened now. Angry at people's reactions and worried for young people who were still on the forum, I took action. Within days, I got the response I wanted and an apology. That is when I realized that I had the ability to persuade people when I wanted to. I also decided to change my career plans to medical coding, and I am at a school that I really love and I really like what I'm doing.

Adults (I don't mean to sound condescending, as you are a young adult...but I mean people my age or older) don't have all the answers--and sometimes you know that people just have to find their own answers. The world is different from the way it used to be, and everybody who is from older times is disoriented. The values and ideas we grew up with no longer apply. And some of your problems everyone has went through, and sometimes adults dismiss you (though they should sympathize rather than dismiss) because they know it is something everybody goes through and gets through.

You sound like a very intelligent person, and I'm sure you'll do fine. You sound young, but you didn't sound selfish. There are selfish periods in a person's life, a period of self-involvement that is necessary to figure out who you are (though it shouldn't last forever). In fact, there is a period like that every ten years when you enter a stage of self-reflection and self-analysis.

There are people that say, "I told you so." However, annoying as that is, try to take a look at these people. You will find that often they aren't people who should be criticizing. They are usually screw-ups themselves, BIG screw-ups, that take pleasure in seeing other people fail. When you succeed, they are angry and think you don't deserve it.

In the end, it is best to be your own best friend. Be honest with your failings, but try to have a good esteem of yourself. Nobody, even your family, will ever be as good of a friend as you can be to yourself. You have to be your own champion.

I don't have all the answers, but if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to write me. I'm sometimes busy with my studies, but I do try to check in daily.

[hillwalker]

Excuse me for spotting this thread and adding my comments.

Caderyn - don't worry about the occasional 'screw-up'. You only get wiser by falling down and getting back up again. A person who makes no mistakes makes nothing. Both cliches I know, but pretty true all the same.

I hope you find some friends on this site who can give you some useful guidance. And feel free to share your writing with us..... we all have to start somewhere.


Good luck

H