A Notice from Lucius S. Literati

[Il Dante]

Constructive criticism warmly welcomed. My goal here is to improve as a poet, so fire away! (Notice: this poem is possessed of a bit of metrical wierdness, which I am aware of)

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I hate rhymes.
Those most heinous of poetic crimes.
A poet could not be much greener
Than rhyme; it's no mere misdemeanor
To use such childish chimes.
All who this crime have wrought,
All those who rhyme articulated
Shall be promptly liquidated.
And all who have this rule forgot
Shall be shot.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Very amusing.

[AuntShecky]

I read in the Oxford Dictionary of the English Language that even though English has one of the largest vocabularies in the world, it doesn't nearly have as many rhyming words as do languages from other parts of the world. Despite that,
rhyme is one of many "tools" (as Miller Williams puts it) that a poet can use to build an effective poem.

The trouble with rhyme is that, given the aforementioned paucity, amateur poets use patterns of end rhymes that have been already done to death --Moon," "June," "spoon," etc. Nevertheless, American standard songs, such as by lyricists Ira Gershwin, Johnny Mercer, and Dorothy Fields used rhyme in delightfully inventive ways.

Another problem is "wrenching," or using really bad and awkward constructions in order to fit the rhyme in. That's because end rhyme never works unless the meter works. For instance, if you have two lines whose ending word is supposed to rhyme, you have to make pretty darn sure that both rhymes are stressed. (Ogden Nash is a notable exception, but his case is unique.)

To sum up, rhyming is difficult, but when it works well, it adds to the music of the poem.

[dizzydoll]

Too cute. :bigear:

[hillwalker]

Good fun

Lines 7 and 8 work particularly - as do the shorter opening and closing lines.

However, 'Than rhyme.; it's no mere misdemeanour' is a bit of a tongue-twister.

Clever poem tho'

H

[Hawkman]

Beware a bolshie rhymer with a gun
For he might be inclined to use it fast
Against the colours nailed upon your mast
And thus with lethal force defend his art.

:D - H

[Il Dante]

I would like to make it clear that I don't actually think there is anything wrong with rhyme. The poem is just tongue-in-cheek.

AuntShecky: great points. Maybe the reason why English has less rhymes than other languages is that English has a relatively large number of sounds and is less uniform than other languages. For example, in Italian most words end with o or a or i or e. And Italian, like Spanish, has a very specific and limited number of ending sound clusters such as -ice, -ella, -elli, -ndo, etc. There are lots more, but still it is more uniform than English, where word endings include -ck, -ish, -ly, -tion, -es, -s, -le, -er, -ing and on and on and on. Very irregular irregular and non-uniform.

English's irregularity and non-uniformity are probably due to its hodge-podge history, the blending of Anglo-Saxon, Old Norse, Latin, Greek, Archaic French, French, and even smatterings of Spanish, Italian, German, and even Chinese (e.g. Gung-ho).:biggrin5:

[Buh4Bee]

:lol::lol:

[tailor STATELY]

Here, here !

Very amusing. Guilty on occasion, but very amusing.


Another problem is "wrenching," or using really bad and awkward constructions in order to fit the rhyme in.

Oh, Aunty ! "Wrenching" yet... I love that term. Have I got a poem for you ! Another time perhaps.

[lallison]

I think this is great! It flows very smooth off the tongue and presents a wonderful irony. I can't give much criticism, other than the message is pretty simple and redundant throughout the poem. But tis' really enjoyable none the less.

[MorpheusSandman]

Hehe, a rhyme poem that condemns rhyme! I love the irony! I'd also echo what AuntShecky said about rhymes. The biggest problem with amateurs is their tendency to overuse cliches and to twist syntax or ignore rhythm when executing end-rhymes. That's why I've come to think that aliteration, assonance, consonance, and inner-rhymes are more effective than end-rhymes. Mainly because they don't force you to dictate or alter rhythm yet can supply a more subtle flow to the piece.