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View Full Version : Needs Title/Help (Part One)



breannalayne
05-03-2010, 01:19 PM
I just started writing last night. I don't know where to go with this, but this was kind of like type vomit? Like word vomit? Ha. All I know, is I liked it. And I want to keep going with it, I just don't know where to go.

I never did much care for the rain. Growing up in this dreary town; however, you were either used to it, and didn't mind it, or you had already or were working on killing yourself. I was one of the odd ones, I disliked it, but it never got to the point of killing me. When I was young, I heard all kinds of stories about people I knew offing themselves. It's like it was so common here, that no one took the time of day anymore to grieve those lost. But anyway, that's not where I want to go with this story. I was born and raised in a small town outside of Seattle, Washington. My dad had owned some land out in the boonies, and after his battle with consistent heath issues , I had finally decided to come back after six years. I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 years old. Not that I didn't like my parents, I just felt that I could be happier on my own. And that is why I moved to sunny California. For the first year, I lived with some coke addict and a stripper. Those were some real people. Living on 23 acres, I didn't really meet a whole bunch of real people. Anyway, their names were Coleton and Misti. They had been living together for a few years now, and decided that taking me in couldn't hurt any. I met Misti my third day there. She stopped me on my way back to my hotel to ask me if I had a lighter. We ended up having an in depth conversation about the city, and she asked me if I wanted to stay with her. I couldn't refuse her offer. So we became very close, very fast. She was one of my best friends, I guess you could say. We would go to clubs on the weekends, and go shopping during the day. She was even there when I got pregnant. I don't remember much of the night, thanks to the LSD and the five or six gin and tonics. But sure enough, four weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. Luckily, Misti remembered the night better than I did, and told me that I had slept with a guy she used to bartend with. His name was Bryan, and he was now bartending to celebrities at a really nice Hollywood club. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to have some random guy's baby, but at the same time, I couldn't ever bring myself to get an abortion; it was just not how I was raised.

I'm thinking that she'll have the baby? Or that she'll lose it? I need HELP!! It is obviously more of a darker, more blunt story, so it's okay if s*** happens. ha! feedback me.

hillwalker
05-03-2010, 02:00 PM
So far so 'good' ('good' being relative because, as you suggest, it is a pretty dark story).

Rather a lot to take in on first reading - leaving home, returning home, and all that happened in between condensed into a few lines.

And you drop in some very interesting comments about the rain and some about suicides - but then neither seem to lead anywhere.

Perhaps you need to start again - decide whether or not the story centres on your time in California (which I guess it does) but also explain why you had to come home. Perhaps describe how your feelings for the place have changed since you were last there - how you missed the rain, and how you are perhaps concerned that people there accept suicides as a normal part of life..... I don't know.....

But as you say, this is 'freeflowing writing' (better than 'word vomit', yeugh) and that is often the best way to start. Spill the beans onto paper - then start reading what you wrote perhaps a couple of weeks later and pull it into shape.

i would say that yo have the beginnings of an interesting story here - with fascinating chaacters that some people never get to associate with in 'real' life. Just beware of making it too predictable - add a bit of spice to keep readers guessing and wanting more.

Good luck,

H