Leaving

[Hawkman]

Steersman, how stands the wind
for that far Western shore?

My Lord, it blows yet far too light
to aid us on our course.

I would sail this final ocean,
wind of passage at my back,
beneath the hull the buoyant waves
to carry us on track.

Soon, My Lord, the wind will change,
fret not upon the lack,
the time is set when we will sail
no sooner may we tack.

I weary now of waiting,
let me be upon my way.
I would no more the constant pain
that moors me to this day.

Let go then all your troubles,
release yourself from pain,
let slip the ropes and cables
and we’ll sail the endless Main.

[PrinceMyshkin]

There's such a serene humility in this. "Serene" may be wrong for the subject matter, but you have found the graceful calm with which to confront it. Congratulations!

[blank|verse]

An interesting piece, H-man, that reads more like an Elizabethan play than a poem.

The theme of 'leaving' when conditions allow is universal, but the archaic syntax and voices distance the reader in time and, in most cases, class (with the reference to 'My Lord'). I think this also gives an air of upper-class haughtiness to the character, which makes him less easy to sympathise with.

My main issue is with the use of the first person, as I'm not sure who's speaking those parts. And the final stanza refers to 'your troubles' and 'we'll sail' and I'm not sure who that is aimed at either.

But I think the poem invites being turned into blank verse and extended into a mini-drama!

[hillwalker]

I enjoyed this immensely - and had no trouble working out who was who if I read it correctly.

It's a 'conversation' between two people - a voyager waiting to take that final journey, and his faithful navigator/helmsman (and each alternate stanza punctuates who the speaker is).

My only quibble is the final word - should that be 'Maine' or 'main'?

H

If it is an archaic spelling of 'main' accept my apologies, but the capitalisation to me suggests the US state.

[Hawkman]

Thanks, PM, glad you appreciate it.

B/V In that you determine that just because someone may be upper class they are therefore haughty and unworthy of sympathy, would seem to betray roundhead (at the very least) sympathies in your good self. I guess you're a Labour Voter :hand:

I regard the idiomatic vernacular as timeless in this instance. As for who will be sailing, why only the ferryman and his passenger. The idea of the ferryman and that last boat ride are ancient indeed I see no reason not to dress the event in terms of archaicisms.

Thanks for dropping in and posting your comments.

Hill, Thanks and also thanks for pointing out the error. A feature of auto correct I think. The word should be Main, as in Spanish Main as I needed a word for sea that rhymed with pain. I have corrected it.

Thank you all for your comments - H

[dizzydoll]

Well this is one of those occasions when, with the help of the commentators, I was able to understand your poem. :idea: Even so, it was beautifully written.

[Bar22do]

Reading this made me vaguely nostalgic, yes, I believe I miss the Main and abandoning myself to its everlasting power and rhythm... Thanks for the pre-taste of it, whether intended or not!... - Bar

[Hawkman]

Diz,

I’m so glad you thought the poem beautifully written, it was what I was striving for, so thanks for seeing the beauty in it.

Bar,

I hope there is no immediate danger of your abandoning yourself to that final voyage. The world is a much finer place with you and your poetry in it. Curious that you should feel nostalgic for such a consummation, but I think I know what you mean. (Or are we talking at cross purposes?) When I was four I distinctly remember waking one morning, convinced that the waking world was an illusion and that my dream life was real. Sadly I seldom dream these days.

As always, glad to have touched your soul…

Live and be well - H

[MorpheusSandman]

I've often said that archaic diction can be used to bring remoteness to pieces and can be used to interesting effect. I think you use it superbly here. I don't think this is a piece that is need of reader sympathy as much as it's in need of reader engagement with the ideas and images and scene. Though I do agree with B/V that it would make an interesting little drama if expanded. I could definitely see this being worked into a one-act play.

[lallison]

I would no more the constant pain
that moors me to this day.

This is a great line that adds strength to your metaphor. I agree that the language fits the poem, it would seem odd not to use dated vernacular, as it helps create your setting. In modern times you'd probably just take a jet, but this piece has a Robert Louise Stevenson twang about it: Home is the sailor, home from the sea. Having said that, the theme seems an old one and not wholly original, but it is pleasant to read

I like your serious works.
lal

[Hawkman]

Morpheus & lallison,

Thank you both. Whilst I realise this type of poem may not be to everyone’s taste I am deeply gratified when people appreciate what it has to offer. Morpheus, you’re a film buff I believe. There is a splendid line in ‘National Treasure’, when Nick Cage quotes a bit of the declaration of independence,
Someone says, ‘Nobody talks like that anymore.” Cage replies, ‘No, but they think that way…’ True, I think.

There is something intrinsically beautiful in the language which is, of itself, poetic. I am hardly a regular church goer but I much prefer the service in the old BCP (book of common prayer) to the modern equivalents. Whether I believe the words is not an issue. What matters is the sound and rhythms of those words which wash over me in calming, meditative waves. Maybe it’s just my age :D

As for this poem, the words popped into my head and I wrote them down. I know the concept is not particularly original, but I was thinking of someone when I wrote them, so they have personal resonance.

“I like your serious works.
lal”

lal, thanks, I don’t know how many of them you’ve read but this is one of my favourites:

Kingfisher

Summer sun,
Air, lazy, thick and still
The buzz of insects.
Upon its bed the river sleeps,
Then splash -
Quicksilver prey in beak,
A darting blue-backed flame alights.
Concussed, juggled, head first,
The fish is swallowed whole.
Too soon,
Departing blue electric flash;
With piercing call
The halcyon bird is gone.
Now just the stream,
The damsel flies
And me.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think or hope I commented favorably on this when you first posted it:




Kingfisher

Summer sun,
Air, lazy, thick and still
The buzz of insects.
Upon its bed the river sleeps,
Then splash -
Quicksilver prey in beak,
A darting blue-backed flame alights.
Concussed, juggled, head first,
The fish is swallowed whole.
Too soon,
Departing blue electric flash;
With piercing call
The halcyon bird is gone.
Now just the stream,
The damsel flies
And me.

H

but I welcome the opportunity to praise the surefootedness and delicacy of it all over again. There's something so damned poignant in those last three lines.

[Hawkman]

Yes My Prince, you did, although I've tidied up the punctuation a bit since. No one can ever have enough praise, so thanks again :D

[MorpheusSandman]

Morpheus, you’re a film buff I believe. There is a splendid line in ‘National Treasure’, when Nick Cage quotes a bit of the declaration of independence,
Someone says, ‘Nobody talks like that anymore.” Cage replies, ‘No, but they think that way…’ True, I think.

There is something intrinsically beautiful in the language which is, of itself, poetic. I am indeed a film buff, though I've yet to see National Treasure (I tend to sacrifice contemporary films for catching up on all the classics and world cinema). But I do like that quote. I'd definitely say that if people don't think like that, they should. I frequently find myself thinking in Shakespearean English!

[Bar22do]

Kingfisher

Summer sun,
Air, lazy, thick and still
The buzz of insects.
Upon its bed the river sleeps,
Then splash -
Quicksilver prey in beak,
A darting blue-backed flame alights.
Concussed, juggled, head first,
The fish is swallowed whole.
Too soon,
Departing blue electric flash;
With piercing call
The halcyon bird is gone.
Now just the stream,
The damsel flies
And me.

A very beautiful one (which I don't think I ever commented on..), the last two lines give it a mysterious atmosphere... I personally think that the line "The fish is swallowed whole" isn't necessary, the poem would do even better without it (I think it would tighten and strenthen it), we get the meaning. But - I understand why it's one of your preferred, truly a good one. Best - Bar

[Pryderi Agni]

Wow. One of the best pieces of verse I have seen in recent times. Carry on!