Phantoms

[NisreenS]

Amidst the ruins of our laughs
We stopped, we gazed
We saw nothing
We looked too feeble In the light
Of two candles that showed nothing

Our eyes were watching every ghost
That walked, and ghosts that went sighing
We slept and got up, all eyes
And hearts and ears that heard nothing

Amongst the smiles of our photos
And our mirrors and our playing
We stopped, we stared at all the walls
That moved with phantoms
And nothing

[hillwalker]

A very well-composed poem - it creates an atmosphere of loss and regret, and almost bewilderment at being by-passed by life I suppose.

Simple yet unsettling. I liked this.

H

[Revolte]

this was interesting, I'm ganna read it a couple more times so I get the full feel of it but I wanted to add that

"Our eyes were watching every ghosts
That walked, and ghosts that went sighing"

would work and read much better if you take the "s" after ghost off, every ghosts isnt right, though ghosts is more then one ghost, the use of "every" makes it so ghost is understood as more then one ghost. and the second ghost works without the "s" as well.

other then that I like it.

[NisreenS]

Thank you very much

[NisreenS]

Thank you very much! Indeed In my notebook it's"every ghost", but I didn't read the line carefully before sending the poem.

[dizzydoll]

Its so sad but happens far too often I am afraid. Excellent job. :biggrin5:

[NisreenS]

Thank you very much Hillwalker, Revolte and Dizzydoll. The poem is sad, but I feel happy because you liked it.