chaos, reflection and holy gardens

[breathtest]

this is a little rough so comments definitely appreciated...


we need periods of 1) chaos
followed by 2) quiet reflection
in order to make sense of
the world, which comes at us
so implacably and endlessly
that we need to retreat.

1) chaos is required to satisfy our
need to do, to be, to have. Those
who practice the art of wu wei (do nothing)
are buddhists and holy gardens. The remaining
souls of humanity are unsettled restless wanderers.

2) Retreating can be done
by attending the life of another (as
with cinema and television), by
trying to categorize experience
through vision (visualising meaning -
philosophising), or by simply sitting
silently, quiet in an empty room,
gathering thoughts, meditating.

[MorpheusSandman]

This feels like a found poem, really; like you took an excerpt from some book or article and added line breaks to turn it into a poem. It's interesting because there is a definite textbook/prose quality to it that clashes against the ideas being described. I'm not sure I can offer a lot of constructive criticism; though I might recommend removing the numbers sense they're really not needed. I might also consider removing all of the parenthetical parts.

[Hawkman]

this is a little rough so comments definitely appreciated...

1) chaos is required to satisfy our
need to do, to be, to have. Those
who practice the art of wu wei (do nothing)
are buddhists and holy gardens. The remaining
souls of humanity are unsettled restless wanderers.



"Those
who practice the art of wu wei (do nothing)
are buddhists and holy gardens."

the idea that gardens (even holy ones) consciously chose to do nothing is a bit of a problem for me. Gardens have to be tended as they continue to grow, at least the plants in them do. Therefore I don't think this line works, but I like the rest of the poem. H

[breathtest]

Hawkman, this buddhist practice of 'do nothing' is aimed at enabling growth of the mind. It invloves meditation and reading and focusing. I think the garden was the best representative image for this growth as it is so peaceful. thanks for your comment.

Morpheus sandman, thanks for the feedback. well i kind of wrote it very quickly and just wrote those numbers down without really thinking, i suppose to make it sound more academic, like something out of a textbook as you said. maybe i'lll take them out. I love prose poetry and the freedom you can have with it. Its good to hear what you think. Thanks for the help.

[Bar22do]

I have the feeling you're trying your art at some new form, still unclear to your conscience, sth that might have a hard time to be born but the process has begun... (possible?) If it is a result of your wu wei attitude, then I'll adopt it too!
As for the contents: your message is clear and I'm agreeable to its essence...
Thanks and best rgds - Bar

[tailor STATELY]

I don't know if I would categorize television as retreating unless you mean at the vegetative or escapist level (educational viewing excepted). Perhaps 'reading' a better mechanism to explore 'otherness' in a more personal/general study (my prejudice).

You have a great idea to expand upon.

You have inspired me to write and post something that I tried to expound upon (in a failed explanation) I have titled "Beneath the Dogwoods of May"

[Buh4Bee]

This reminded me of an outline for an interesting essay. I never know what to say about experimental forms of poetry, because there is nothing to compare it too.

[breathtest]

Thanks so much Bar. I have been trying different methods to write lately and what i have been writing is so different from anything i have ever done before.

tailor STATELY, thanks a lot i commented on your poem i thought it was lovely and extremely well crafted. Great job!

Jersea, i know what you mean. Hard to make a judgement on something and verbalise what you feel if you have nothing to compare it with. Thanks so much for commenting.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I like the poem precisely because it has the didactic feel of a lecture from a kindly, wiser soul, one who has been where I've been too, but who has derived some useful advice about it.

[dizzydoll]

Excellent, I loved the introduction of the Tao and Buddhism to put things in perspective in returning to reflection to still the chaos.

[breathtest]

thanks very much

[blank|verse]

I quite like the numbering, it seems quite original, and I can see why Prince is attracted to the 'didactic' quality of the piece.

And there are some strong thoughts here, but to me it just reads like the beginnings of a poem - you've got your thinking outlined, now breathe some art, some life, some poetry into it which takes into beyond the prosaic.