Titles - such a nuisance sometimes

[Lumiere]

a chilled grapefruit
cut into wedges and
sprinkled with sugar

I want to go to you where you sit writing
sifting your hair for the words

I want to offer it on a small black plate and
kneel to kiss the round cap of your knee
, but

I don't know if you like grapefruit, and
it seems silly to ask

[blank|verse]

I enjoyed the casual tone of this, Lumiere, although it did remind me strongly of William Carlos Williams's This is just to say (http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15535).

So why not have as the title 'It seems silly to ask'?

I like the assonance between 'sit' and 'sifting' - and that's a strong image as well - but felt maybe you could have made that part more concise, in keeping with the style of the poem:

You sit, writing,
sifting your hair for the words
(And typo in line 5 - 'sifting your hair'.)

But still, good stuff, nice little piece.

[PrinceMyshkin]

B|V's comparison of this to WC Williams "This is just to say" is brilliantly right, in that there's a comparable innocence and spontaneity in each. Lovely poem, which was as easy to write, I hope, as it was to read.

[Hawkman]

This poem is delightful in its simplicity. H

[Lumiere]

B/V -
Hm - that might work as a title.
I just wrestle with titles in general. I really don't like them, but they're necessary.

Thanks for pointing out the typo.

Prince -
Easy to read hardly ever = easy to write, as you may know.

I am dually flattered and disappointed with the WCW comparison.
Thanks for your thoughts.

Hawkman -
Thank you, Hawk.

ALL:
I am ever surprised to see how you folks interpret a poem - it's always different from my intended meaning! But that's alright; it's all subjective in Poetryland. Thanks for reading!

[dizzydoll]

Sweet sentiments from a considerate gent. Good job. :smile5:

[Lumiere]

Sweet sentiments from a considerate gent. Good job. :smile5:

Why, thank you!

And I'm going to assume you mean "gent" as an abbreviation for that little used title "gentlewoman". ;)

[breathtest]

'kneel to kiss the round cap of your knee'. That is the most beautiful line i have read in a while. Such resonance and such love contained within it.

[Bar22do]

Lumière, whether WCWian or not, this is a fine disarming poem. The N (or grapefruit with sugar! :)), hesitant between his intense desire to declare his interest and the lack of self-confidence is finally left with his dream (at least as far as your poem goes)...
Your poem also reminded me of something: Eric Rohmer's "Clair's knee" in his series of six moral tales... This reference should be to your full satisfaction, for it's really a great chef d'oeuvre! Have you ever seen this extraordinary movie? I recommend! And thanks a lot for your poem that you could simply call "Her Knee"...?

[Lumiere]

Lumière, whether WCWian or not, this is a fine disarming poem. The N (or grapefruit with sugar! :)), hesitant between his intense desire to declare his interest and the lack of self-confidence is finally left with his dream (at least as far as your poem goes)...
Your poem also reminded me of something: Eric Rohmer's "Clair's knee" in his series of six moral tales... This reference should be to your full satisfaction, for it's really a great chef d'oeuvre! Have you ever seen this extraordinary movie? I recommend! And thanks a lot for your poem that you could simply call "Her Knee"...?


Just watched it last night at your recommendation, (I'm a sucker for minimalist French films, anyway). Truly a superb work! Very honest.

Yes! I could live with the title "Her Knee" - Thank you, Bar22do, for naming my little poem as I could not!

[Bar22do]

Just watched it last night at your recommendation, (I'm a sucker for minimalist French films, anyway). Truly a superb work! Very honest.

Yes! I could live with the title "Her Knee" - Thank you, Bar22do, for naming my little poem as I could not!

wow! I'm delighted to read you found Clair's Knee so fast and have already seen it! and that you can use my suggestion.
Look for more Rohmer's films...

[_JadeRain_]

Actually, I really enjoyed this poem of yours! Good job.

[tailor STATELY]

Well crafted and enjoyable to read.

[dizzydoll]

Why, thank you!

And I'm going to assume you mean "gent" as an abbreviation for that little used title "gentlewoman". ;)

Gosh these days I have no clue who is male and who is female. And then to make it worse, Walker writes poems as if he were a female... its getting pretty confusing down here. lol

[hack]

You could at least offer the grapefruit.
This is very good stuff. I might have put
salt instead of sugar. It is a personal
decision, I suppose...peace...

[Bar22do]

Gosh these days I have no clue who is male and who is female. And then to make it worse, Walker writes poems as if he were a female... its getting pretty confusing down here. lol

I agree!