For Hayseed

[nipper]

Hayseed I decided to try what you asked.

Cycling
Watch her ride.
Going on her own way.
Red hair streaming in her wake.

Watch her ride.
Still she wont stay.
Riding on till her legs ache.

Watch her ride.
Happy and gay.
Ridining on with no mistake.

Watch her ride.
Simply for her own joys sake.

[Hawkman]

Reading this I am reminded of those old infant school books used to teach beople to read. Simple sentances coupled with an image. I don't mean this in any derogarory way. When I first read it I ignored the full stops at the endo of each line. This is because I wasn't wearing my glasses and I couldn't see them!

Knowing they are there and re-reading it, I am convinced this poem should either discard punctuation altogether or just have a comma at the end of the lines and a period at the end of the last line in each stanza.

It is remarkably effective. H

[Buh4Bee]

Nipper, I find this sort of structure is quite effective when writing a simple poem. The structure creates a nice lyrical quality- almost like a catchy chorus.

fun.

[lallison]

nice and sweet, a true poem. Enjoyed reading it!

[Revolte]

i was having trouble with happy and gay being in the same line, but I suppose happy is more of an emotion when gay is closer to an expression, so it will work. I enjoyed this it was some what simple but fun to read. It's always nice to read something joyful from time to time to, so I thank you for that one :). I myself have a hard time writing anything with an uplifting attitude.

[dizzydoll]

Huck would be proud of you, I wonder if he is secretly reading. :coolgleamA: